Warner Brothers recently announced that it will reboot Buffy the Vampire Slayer for the big screen, and that could possibly be cool if they did it right and I’m not going to waste anyone’s time – they’re not going to do it right. WB will move ahead on a new Buffy without Joss Whedon, who wrote the original 1992 movie and directed the TV series. Presumably nobody from the original movie or TV show will be involved, which is unfortunate because David Arquette is really looking for attention right now.

Writing this new version is actress Whit Anderson, and you may be asking, “Hey Burnsy, how did you get so handsome and who the F is Whit Anderson?” And my answers are noneyabiz and she’s someone whose IMDb credits include two short films and the role of “Yes Patron” in Yes Man. But she loved Buffy as a kid, so it’s totally going to be, like, totally OMG fine.

So what say you, Mr. Whedon, on this resurrection and slap in the face? (Via E! Online)

“This is a sad, sad reflection on our times, when people must feed off the carcasses of beloved stories from their youths—just because they can’t think of an original idea of their own, like I did with my Avengers idea that I made up myself.”

I’ve never had two thoughts of an opinion about Joss, but just that initial response alone makes me want to buy the guy a Purple Haze and pose for funny Facebook photos with him. More of Whedon’s delightfully humorous response, as well as a look back at the faces (then and now) of this vampire franchise that paved the way for Twihards and their diabetes, after the jump…

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The Joss Whedon-created Buffy the Vampire Slayer has already been a 1992 movie and a 1997 TV show (and a spinoff), so naturally someone decided there should be another movie.  Before we get into this, I should probably note that even though everyone on the internet seems to love it, I’ve never seen this show.  It’s just that it sounds like the nerdiest sh-t ever is all.  All I can say with certainty is that Kristy Swanson was way hotter than Sarah Michelle Gellar.

“Buffy” creator Joss Whedon isn’t involved and it’s not set up at a studio, but Roy Lee and Doug Davison of Vertigo Entertainment are working with original movie director Fran Rubel Kuzui and her husband, Kaz Kuzui, on what is being labeled a remake or relaunch, but not a sequel or prequel.

The new “Buffy” film, however, would have no connection to the TV series, nor would it use popular supporting characters like Angel, Willow, Xander or Spike. Vertigo and Kuzui are looking to restart the story line without trampling on the beloved existing universe created by Whedon.

One of the underlying ideas of “Buffy” allows Vertigo and Kuzui to do just that: that each generation has its own vampire slayer to protect it. The goal would be to make a darker, event-sized movie that would, of course, have franchise potential. [THR]

No Angel and Willow and Xander and Spike?  You know that’ll upset a lot of fans.  Perhaps they can be replaced with me rolling my eyes and wanking. The only thing that would make me interested in this is if they changed it to Slayer the Vampire Slayer.