Moonrise Kingdom, the new Wes Anderson movie starring Bruce Willis, Edward Norton, Bill Murray, Francis McDormand, Tilda Swinton, and Jason Schwartzman has a trailer out, and I don’t know what else a person could possibly need to know about it other than that cast. But in case you were worried, it appears to have everything we demand from a Wes Anderson project, including:

• Yellow text
• Center-framed shots
• Matter-of-fact line readings
• French music
• Vintage film stock
• Earth tones
• Quirky childhood romance

And of course, enough whimsy to power a thousand ukulele farms. Holy crap I’m excited.

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The Expendables 2 has a trailer out, and it’s great if all you were looking for was two-second shots of all the characters. REMEMBER WHO’S IN THIS!? DO YOU?! Although that skull logo that got stabbed in the eyes and grew a billion guns out of its head was pretty cool. Somewhere, Ed Hardy is furiously scribbling ideas onto a notepad. They’ve also released a synopsis, and not to worry, the characters still have ridiculous names.

The Expendables are back and this time it’s personal… Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone), Lee Christmas (Lee Statham), Yin Yang (Jet Li), Gunnar Jensen (Dolph Lundgren),Toll Road (Randy Couture) and Hale Caesar (Terry Crews) — with newest members Billy the Kid (Liam Hemsworth) and Maggie (Yu Nan) aboard — are reunited when Mr. Church (Bruce Willis) enlists the Expendables to take on a seemingly simple job. The task looks like an easy paycheck for Barney and his band of old-school mercenaries. But when things go wrong and one of their own is viciously killed, the Expendables are compelled to seek revenge in hostile territory where the odds are stacked against them. Hell-bent on payback, the crew cuts a swath of destruction through opposing forces, wreaking havoc and shutting down an unexpected threat in the nick of time — six pounds of weapons-grade plutonium; enough to change the balance of power in the world. But that’s nothing compared to the justice they serve against the villainous adversary who savagely murdered their brother. That is done the Expendables way…. [Collider]

Would you say that the odds are… JACKED against them??? (*Terry Crews flexes, punches through laptop screen and bangs your girlfriend*)

Starring! Statham! Crews! Couture! Lundgren! Van Damme! Schwarzenegger! Li! Norris! …And introducing …SYLVESTER STALLONE’S PEN!

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After the jump, I’ve got the trailer for GI Joe 2: Retaliation, starring The Rock and Channing Tatum, the hardest mumbling wigger in show business. If that weren’t enough, it also stars Bruce Willis and a chick who kind of looks like Michelle Rodriguez! The gang’s all here! Except for director Stephen Sommers! He was replaced on this installment by Jon M. Chu, director of Step Ups 2 Tha Streets and 3D, as well as Justin Bieber Never Say Never, which makes it likely this sequel will be even more danceable than the original! Let’s C-Walk to ground zero!

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I will never stop being amused by the night-vision monocle guy in the background

Bruce Willis is in negotiations to join the cast of the upcoming sequel to G.I. Joe. Willis would play General Joe Coulton in GI Joe 2: Retaliation, which is set to be directed by Jon M. Chu, previously of Justin Bieber: Never Say Never and LXD: The Legion of Extraordinary Dancers. …Wait, what? HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS WAS A SHOW???

Willis is in negotiations to play General Joe Colton, considered to be the founder of the Joe squad. The character never appeared in the original “Joe” cartoons, and he’ll make his live-action debut with the sequel.

Given Colton’s high rank, it’s likely that Willis’ role is lighter on the combat side and heavier on barking the orders that make the action happen. In fact, on the surface, the Colton role sounds pretty similar to the one occupied by Dennis Quaid in the first “G.I. Joe” movie. He played General Hawk, then commander of the team; there’s been no word on whether or not Quaid’s returning for a sequel. [MTV]

Well frankly, I think that’s just blah blah something something headdesk fartsnooze. (*donkey sound*)

Note: That is not Bruce Willis

Wes Anderson, whom I love, because I ride my bike around San Francisco hopping from coffee shop to coffee shop writing arch blog posts, has a new film going into production, but even the most virulent anti-hipster would have to concede that this sounds pretty awesome.  Focus Features has acquired the US distribution rights to Moonlight Kingdom, according to the latest press release (with plans to sell the international rights at Cannes), and get a load of this cast:

Set on an island off the coast of New England in the 1960s, Moonrise Kingdom follows a young boy and girl falling in love. When they are moved to run away together, various factions of the town mobilize to search for them and the town is turned upside down – which might not be such a bad thing. Bruce Willis plays the town sheriff; two-time Academy Award nominee Edward Norton is cast as a camp leader; Academy Award nominee Bill Murray and Academy Award winner Frances McDormand portray the young girl’s parents; the cast also includes Academy Award winner Tilda Swinton and Jason Schwartzman. The young boy and girl are played by Jared Gilman and Kara Hayward.

If there isn’t a slow-motion running away sequence set to a Rolling Stones song and title cards with big yellow text, I will choke myself with Wes Anderson’s ascot.  I’m interested to see how Bill Murray plays “concerned parent”, though.  The role would seem to rob Bill Murray of his most appealing quality, being pleasantly aloof and not giving a f*ck. When it comes to f*ck giving, Bill Murray is the stingiest.