You know the film industry is screwed up when a finished, Johnny-Depp starring movie adaptation of Hunter Thompson’s The Rum Diary sits around waiting for a release date (we know it’s finished because it’s had test screenings), while the movie version of magic 8-ball and Must Love Queefs (starring Katherine Heigl) get fast tracked.  So far, all we know is that The Rum Diary will hit theaters sometime this year.  Nonetheless, it’s nice to know that movies we care about are actually out there.

These new pictures come from FilmTotaal (you can see bigger versions there) and they don’t really tell us much besides “OMG OMG, it’s Johnny Depp playing Hunter Thompson again!” (*throws wet panties at computer screen*).  The banner pic shows Johnny Depp as fictionalized Thompson protagonist Paul Kemp, Giovanni Ribisi as Moberg, the disgusting, drunken newspaper man, and the guy on the back of the motorcycle is Michael Rispoli, playing Bob Salas.  I’ve always said that Giovanni Ribisi is a highly underrated actor, but then again, f*ck him.  You think you’re better’n me?  I have a podcast.

Oh, and my blatant ploy for traffic tells me that it also stars Amber Heard. (*cough*) NAKED LESBIAN UPSKIRT NIPSLIP DOGSEX! (*cough, cough*)

A few weeks ago, there was some confusion as to the status of the Johnny Depp-starring Rum Diary movie, written and directed by Bruce Robinson, adapted from the Hunter S. Thompson novel.  The story was that it wouldn’t be finished in time for Cannes next month, which was worrisome considering it had been shooting more than a year ago.  Well worry no longer, because it’s at least finished enough to have a test screening in Huntington Beach last night.  FilmDrunkard Rob was there to tell us about it, because it’s not like he had anything better to do:

I was approached by the test screener creepers who hang out after flicks, and when he said Rum Diary, I practically snatched the invitation out of his hand.  I almost f*cked it up for myself though, saying I was in the industry and they weren’t gonna let me in.  But then I told em I’m still but a lowly student in a documentary filmmaking class and busted out my old ID card for good measure, thanking my lucky stars I still hold on to that relic.

The Scoop: It’s not Fear and Loathing, but that’s OK. Depp’s rendition of a younger Hunter has all the familiarity we love, but he’s not familiar with the drugs yet, still just a boozehound, forming his greater ideals.  His sidekick this time around is an alright dude [Aaron Eckhart as Sanderson, I believe. -Ed.], no Benicio that’s for damn sure.  But it’s Giovanni Ribisi who steals the show*. You see in Ribisi’s degenerate, Nazi sympathizing, junkie state, the beginnings of Hunter/Kemp’s drug aspirations. His every line is quotable and his every appearance is like a surprise mugging – but by cuddly unicorns, which turns out alright in the long run.  Lastly, Amber Heard (pictured) is the mermaid of my dreams, but you can tell the upper brass had a field day in the cutting room, leaving all gratuitous nudity on the floor, being one of the only detriments to the film.

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The Rum Diary is one of those books that if you told me you didn’t like, I’d probably cut your lips off and kiss my balls with them.  So it is that I’ve been eagerly awaiting news of the Bruce Robinson film adaptation, which we know was shooting in Puerto Rico more than a year ago.  Johnny Depp has already had time to do whatever it was he was supposed to be doing Alice in Wonderland since then.  Sadly, today’s news is more cryptic speculation.

Anne Thompson reported last week that Rum Diary was among the movies that “wouldn’t be finished” in time for Cannes, which begins May 12th.  Meanwhile, Hollywood Elsewhere reports:

I’m presuming, of course, that “not done in time” is a euphemism in the case of Rum Diary. Because it was shooting in Puerto Rico an entire year ago so…you know, c’mon. The film is apparently experiencing issues of one sort or another.
On the other hand Shoot Online.com posted a press release on 3.29 about Nina Saxon Design (which has composed Rum Diary‘s main-title sequence). It says that the film is “currently seeking distribution at the Cannes Film Festival.”

I don’t think a press release from the company that created the titles is proof in and of itself that the movie is finished and looking for a distributor, since at least half of all people who write press releases are trained seals who flap roughly at the keyboard with their flippers.  Bottom line, we don’t really know.  Maybe they’re just taking the time to do it right.  I’ve read in books that sex can be more enjoyable that way, but can neither confirm nor deny.  I just wish Hunter Thompson was still around to make a phone call or fire off an angry letter.

Rum makes anything cool, even writing a diary.

UPDATE: EXCLUSIVE NEWSY COMMENT: The_JRK writes: “The people doing the sound and sound-editing on the film had their offices in the same building as me and just recently finished up and moved out. Probably 2 weeks ago. As far as I know, they completed their work.”

No real news to report on this one, just the first picture of Johnny Depp as Paul Kemp in the adaptation of Hunter S. Thompson’s Rum Diary.  In other Hunter Thompson-related non-news, check out this sort of NSFW drawing.  +10 if you get the Hunter Thompson reference.

[depp via popsugar, pope via CHUD's twitter]

Bruce Robinson is writing and directing The Rum Diary, based on the Hunter S. Thompson novel, with Johnny Depp attached as the lead and Amber Heard as his slutty, er, free-spirited love interest.  Just joining the cast is Richard Jenkins (as Depp’s boss at the newspaper), with Aaron Eckhart supposedly close to a deal.

“Eckhart would play the third element of the central love triangle, which also involves Depp and Heard. “Diary” is the tale of Paul Kemp (Depp), a washed-up, hard-drinking journalist in 1950s Puerto Rico. Eckhart would play Sanderson, a wealthy landowner who believes everything has a price and introduces Kemp to a different standard of living. [Yahoo]

Eckhart’s a perfect choice for Sanderson, a slick PR rep.  Just look at that chin.  I’d do anything it told me.  What’s that, chin?  Buy your detergent?  Help stop gang violence?  Make a skin suit out of the neighbor?  Anything! I know you’d never steer me wrong!  …You know what I’d do if I had that chin?  Two chicks.  Boosh.