I review plenty of film adaptations of beloved books, and when I do, I generally try to ignore the book altogether and consider the film on its own merits — it just seems the best and fairest way to do it. However, that’s impossible for me here. The Rum Diary is just too alive in my mind for it not to color my entire viewing experience. (Just so you know where we stand).

The first thing you have to know about The Rum Diary is that it’s a much different book than Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. In Fear and Loathing, Hunter S. Thompson was writing a stylized account of himself as an established journalist on a clear mission (to find the American Dream). The Rum Diary is a novel Thompson wrote when he was 22 (though not published until much later) and still trying to figure out his path in life. Where Fear and Loathing was specific, Rum Diary is crafted from broad strokes. It isn’t particularly plot-driven, and succeeds largely on the strength of the themes and on Hunter’s prose. In fact, despite it being one of my favorite books, I don’t think I could’ve told you much about the plot or any of the characters going in. What had stayed with me was that it was about a 20-something year-old writer terrified of getting old and selling out, written by that same 20-something-year old writer, and read by me, when I was– well, I think you can fill in the rest. An equally scary prospect was selling out’s alternative, sticking to your principles only to have them make you nothing but poor and embittered.

“No matter how much I wanted all those things that I needed money to buy, there was some devilish current pushing me off in another direction – toward anarchy and poverty and craziness. That maddening delusion that a man can lead a decent life without hiring himself out as a Judas Goat.”

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Here we have Johnny Depp’s face Photshopped onto someone’s body (here’s a close-up of his neck — you tell me what it looks like) in the final poster for The Rum Diary. Bruce Robinson’s adaptation of Hunter S. Thompson’s book opens October 28th. It’s a pretty cool poster, what with the spilled fish bowl and ocean of mini bottles covering the floor (though, again, I must point out, it could use more lizard tail). BUT. …I’m having a hard time focusing on anything other than Depp’s boxer shorts. Jesus Christ, were boxer shorts actually that big in the Eisenhower era? What are you supposed to wear over those, a onesie? They’re covering his goddamn belly button. There must be 18 inches of crotch seam (worst. porno. ever.).

Which reminds me — hey, hipsters, stop trying to make high waists happen. It’s not cute, or clever, or retro, or fashion forward, it’s just horribly unattractive. Probably the most unflattering look ever devised, in fact. I’m glad you’re a unique flower, but now your ass looks long and flat like a grandma centaur. And that is a very specific fetish, I assure you.

Bruce Robinson’s adaptation of Hunter S. Thompson’s Rum Diary finally hits theaters October 28th, after beginning filming two years ago. It promises to win Johnny Depp just enough goodwill that you can’t fully hate him when he shows up in the next Bruckheimer turd. I guess I can’t blame him for that. Anyway, today we’ve got 20 new pictures and two new clips, the first starring Amber Heard (HOT LESBIAN ALERT) as Chenault, when she first meets Thompson’s Paul Kemp while skinny dipping.

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From what we hear, the movie adaptation of Hunter S. Thompson’s The Rum Diary has been finished for more than a year, just sitting around waiting for a release. It’s finally set to open October 28th, and now it has a trailer. And not a moment too soon. Johnny Depp was dangerously close to becoming permanently known as “that guy from the Bruckheimer movies with all the accessories.” Anyway, it’s nice to see him back drifting towards anarchy, poverty, and craziness, trying to live a decent life without hiring himself out as a Judas goat and all that.

Directed by Bruce Robinson, the cast is pretty insane, starring Depp as the newbie ex-pat Puerto Rican journalist Kemp, Richard Jenkins as Lotterman, Aaron Eckhardt as Sanderson, Amber Heard as Sanderson’s fianceé, and Giovanni Ribisi as Moberg (a character who gets blackout drunk and the next morning locates his car by smell — a man after my own heart), who I hear steals the show. So, from what we know, a real movie with a real cast and a real story. It’s nice to see that someone finally got around to actually releasing it between movies about explosions, aliens, and the military. The book it’s based on is quite popular, and I’m told there’s even a climactic rape scene that they reenact every year at the Puerto Rican Day Parade. What? I kid, I kid.

BOOM. MOTHERF**KIN BEDAZZLED TORTOISE, SON!

As if I didn’t already have enough reason to hope Jerry Bruckheimer goes missing in some sort of mysterious, CGI-related accident, it now sounds as if Pirates of the Caribbean 4 (“The One No One Wanted”) may delay the release of The Rum Diary.  We know Rum Diary is at least mostly finished and just waiting around for a release.  There’s been no word on when we might see it, but FilmSchoolRejects recently spoke to Aaron Eckhardt, whose glorious chin plays Sanderson in the movie, and he said this:

“I don’t know. I heard next year that’s [when] it’s going to come out. Johnny is making Pirates of the Caribbean and I think that he’s too busy to promote something right now. He’s working in Hawaii. I think they’re going to wait to put it out next year.”

Keep in mind this is hearsay from an actor, who’d be far from the first to know, but it’s not like I needed more reasons to hate Pirates of the Caribbean.  Although if what he says is true, it’s nice to know that Warner Independent Pictures and Co are at least planning to promote the film instead of just chucking it into a couple Landmark theaters to please the fixies and scarves crowd and calling it a day.  So maybe I shouldn’t be mad.  But I AM! I WANNA SEE THE MOVIE NOW!  (*stamps feet, pouts*)  DON’T YOU MAKE ME HOLD MY BREATH, I CAN DO THIS ALL DAY.  (*coughs up Cheeto crumbs, puffs inhaler*)

Hold on, I think the banner pic actually looks better with a chicken.