WEEKEND BOX OFFICE: BYE WEEK

Written by Vince Mancini / 12.07.09

newmoon-blindside-Taylor-Lautner-Sandra Bullock

A bye week, that’s what this week felt like.  But the weekend after Thanksgiving is always slow, and even though The Blind Side landed on top with a mediocre $20 million in its third week, business overall was up 21% over last year.  So put that on yr Power Point, Mrs. Potato Dick.

Brothers and Armored were the two new releases, and they earned a not-particularly-noteworthy $9.7 and $6.6 million, respectively.  Fantastic Mr. Fox fell all the way out of the top 10 despite being really good, and I wonder if this is partially my fault for being too lazy to finish a review.  I’m so sorry, you guys. *cutting*

Finally, the other new release this weekend, Transylmania, set a record for the lowest gross ever for a film opening on more than 1,000 screens, earning just $272,000 at 1,002 theaters.

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SATURDAY PHOTOSHOP

Written by Vince Mancini / 07.11.09

The one who calls himself Punchface Thunderdog (who previously made the George Washington vs. Zombies picture that you’ve probably seen on FilmDrunk a few times) made this photoshop out of the Brothers poster, and I liked it so much I put a ring on it.  Look how much concentration is going on in this picture now.  I’m wilting from the pensiveness.  Don’t try this at home.

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HURRR, HOW DOES MY BACK TASTE

Written by Vince Mancini / 07.10.09

The other day I posted the first trailer for Brothers, the Jake Gyllenhaal, Toby Maguiiire, and Naataaalie Portmaan love triangle movie. Now Cinematical has the poster.  “There are two sides… to every family.”  And then there’s a big split down the middle of the poster. To reflect how their family has been split apart by war, you see.  And NPort gives Eskimo kisses to Tobey’s shoulder.  It’s like he was away so long she forgot where his cock is. But Jake didn’t.  He knows, and it’s tearing him up inside.

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JAKE GYL BANGS DEAD BROTHER’S WIFE

Written by Vince Mancini / 07.06.09

Brothers is a Jim Sheridan-directed remake of the 2004 Danish film Brødre.  It stars Jake Gyllenhaal as a hot dude whose brother Tobey Maguire is presumed dead after a tour in Afghanistan.  He comforts his dead brother’s wife, Natalie Portman, first with kind words but later with his penis and washboard abs.  And that’s when Tobey Maguire shows up – he wasn’t dead after all!  Drama!  It opens December 4th, and Spike Lee is going to be rightly pissed when he finds out they made a movie called Brothers without a single black dude in it.  And it’s got Tobey Maguire instead, which is just adding insult to injury.  Tobey Maguire is to being white as Djimon Hounsou is to being black.

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