Continuing Jimmy Kimmel’s tradition of getting famous women to star in mediocre sketches, here’s Britney Spears doing the poo cocktail. |via DailyWhat|

MORNING LINKS

Who’s the Dim Bulb In South Carolina? |Uproxx|

Megacon Megagallery of Cosplay Pictures (Part One). |GammaSquad|

Revamp & Release: 7 Potentially Great Black Keys Remixes. |TheSmokingSection|

Do Your Worst, Hollywood: 20 Terrible TV Shows That Have Yet to Be Made. |WarmingGlow|

Erection, Your Onion! A Guide to Grotesco’s Swedish Gibberish Parodies. |FilmDrunk|

The most terrifying sleepy dog face you will ever see. |TheDailyWhat|

Police cut hole in house to remove fat guy who’d been fused to a chair, which he hadn’t left in two years. Wow. |BostonBarstoolSports|

Pop Songs Made Creepy by the Movies. |Moviefone|

Drunk lady is good at alphabet. |GorillaMask|

PICTURED: via Butttown

Lindsay Lohan looks a Faces of Meth PSA. |WWTDD|

There’s just something about Brooklyn Decker that I like, you know? |TheSuperficial|

Eating sushi off naked chicks banned in China.  Commies. |Buzzfeed|

What your MMO says about you. |HolyTaco|

Shocker, Glee creator will not direct Willow Smith’s Annie movie. |ScreenJunkies|

Beer Wars Review: Why We Drink Piss. |Pajiba|

The Internet: Being Creepy Since 1992 |EgoTVOnline|

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(Brit’s interpretation of the Battle of Thermopylae)

So the source for this story is the National Ledger, and I’m not familiar enough with them to know if they’re reliable, but the story was too good not to report.  They say Britney Spears has been offered a role in The Yellow Star of Sophia and Eton.  Yes, that kind of yellow star.

If she accepts the role, Britney will reportedly play the main role of Sophia LaMont, who creates a time machine and travels back to World War II where she meets a Jewish man called Eton at a concentration camp. They then fall in love and travel back to the present day with the intention of getting married but they are both killed by Nazis. [NL]

Jeez, guys, tell us the ending why don’t you.  So basically, it’s like Where the Red Fern Grows but with Jews instead of coon hounds, and with time traveling Nazis*.  But otherwise exactly the same.   Britney was reportedly intrigued by the idea of a “concentration camp,” but she’ll probably be really sad when she finds out what it is.

*Dear Hollywood: If you made half as many time traveling Nazi movies as you did zombie movies, the world would be a better place.

In the least surprising news ever, British director Phil Griffin is reportedly teaming up with Britney Spears to “re-enact her breakdown.”

A source says, “It’s the film everyone will be queuing to see. It will be dark and gritty – charting Britney’s devastating falls including her head-shaving ordeal and her traumatic custody battle for her two children.
“Let’s just say, it will not be for the faint-hearted.
“But it will also show the highs along her incredible life journey.” [Showbiz Spy]

Mark my words, this will never make it to theaters.  Know what this idea reminds me of?  The Anna Nicole biopic.  Remember that?  It was big news for a while, it was supposed to come out August 30th. No one’s heard anything about it in months.  By the time they finished the movie, no one gave a shit about Anna Nicole anymore.  In fact, you’re probably reading this going “Anna who?”  It turns out, rednecks who lose their kids aren’t that dramatic of a story.  If you want to see it happen you can probably just open your blinds.

At a recent press junket for Tropic Thunder, someone accidentally let in a guy who wasn’t a neutered sycophant… and chaos ensued!

…a large, heavily tattooed dj from a local morning show who obviously missed the memo on ‘junket etiquette’. Or any etiquette, for that matter. It was especially interesting to watch reactions as tattoo-boy asked former addict ROBERT DOWNEY JR. who he’d like to “drink a brew and smoke a blunt with”. Listen in to what happened before publicists swept in and escorted him to another area. [HollywoodOutbreak]

Other questions included, "You play a black guy in the movie, who’s a hot black chick in Hollywood right now?"  and, "Who would you rather do a love scene with, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, or Lindsay Lohan?"  You can hear most of the exchange here, but the most impressive thing about the tape is that even while all the PR douchingtons in the room are clearly freaking out, Robert Downey Jr. plays along and even seems to be having a good time.  In fact, the only people he chastises are the people who interrupt the guy.  Robert Downey Jr. is easily the coolest person in Hollywood.  All of the dude’s questions were pretty tame, so I can’t imagine how they justified kicking him out.  But in their defense, he does sound Mexican.  

I’ve often speculated that Quentin Tarantino’s apparent cocaine habit may have finally gotten the best of him (see also: the script that grammar forgot), and today the Telegraph seems to confirm my suspicions.  They’re reporting that Tarantino has cast Britney Spears in his remake of Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

A source said: "Quentin is convinced Britney will be brilliant. She’s delighted. She thinks it could turn her career around.  "It is perfect Tarantino material. He wanted to get Britney first. She’s playing the most important character.

Yup, not a cameo, they’re claiming she’ll be playing the lead role.  Luckily, if the British papers have taught me anything, it’s that English people constantly lie.  Quentin Tarantino is rightfully known for his ability to resurrect the careers of those previously left for dead like John Travolta, Robert Forster, Pam Grier, and David Carridine.  But giving a forgotten or mediocre actor a second chance is one thing.  This is like teaching a horse to play the fiddle.

-Thanks to Sicksauce for the tip