Here’s an English football hooligan marching against Islam trying to explain what it is he’s against.  With hilarious results.  Apparently he’s very much anti “Muslamic Ray Guns.”  I don’t know why, they sound cool to me.  Anyway, I’d much rather watch this version of The King’s Speech. (Spoiler alert: He says the N-word a lot.) (thanks for the tip, Niall).

MORNING LINKS

Facebook fail-log, March Edition. |Uproxx|

Yo, fa real, though, give last week’s Frotcast a listen, it’s one of our best. |Frotcast|

Jon Stewart’s amazing farewell to Glenn Beck. |WarmingGlow|

Your split-second Hawkeye cameo in Thor. |GammaSquad|

Tommy from Quinzee goes to Japan to compare tragedies. |KissingSuzyKolber|

A selection of pieces from the Quentin vs. Coens art exhibit. |UnrealityMag|

Kids react to Rebecca Black.  Fun fun fun. |TheDailyWhat|

Cops in Pittsburgh tasers don’t work.  Aw, remember when you A-holes had to actually work? |BostonBarstoolSports|

Claudia Sampedro has nice lungs. |GorillaMask|

Great interview with a great man, Norm MacDonald. |TBL|

Pic via RobotInDisguise

Kelly Brook has attractive cleavage and other shocking news. |TheSuperficial|

Shockingly, Mila Kunis does not want to become Charlie Sheen’s goddess. |WWTDD|

Sunday comics. |HolyTaco|

More badass: Sean Bean or Michael Biehn? |ScreenJunkies|

Review of Arthur, the bravest, boldest comedy of 2011.  Wait, what? |NERDS!|

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I’ve posted a lot of porn parodies on FilmDrunk (I’m but a humble public servant), but this new one for The King’s Speech might be the best yet. For one thing, there are myriad ways one could go with the title — The King’s Peach, The King’s Peen, The King’s Queef, etc. — but if you had “The King’s Piece,” go to the front of the class.  Starring Dani O’Neal and Michelle Moist, it cleverly mirrors several plot points from the original.

“My husband is required to, well… perform publicly.”

Get it? He’s a porn star with erectile dysfunction in this one.  So he seeks help from a professional (busty and be-thonged, of course), who tries to cure him using stodgy old superstitions like the old anal-beads-in-the-mouth treatment.  “Ejaculate!” she demands.  But of course her traditional methods are hopelessly outdated.  That’s when he seeks out an unorthodox (but similarly busty) mentor.  “Do you know any strokes?” she asks.

“Timing isn’t my strong suit.”

Oh, I see what you did there.  “Some men are born great,” reads the following title card.  “…Others have greatness thrust upon them.”  Wow, ‘thrust upon them.’  That is the most awesomely subtle wordplay I’ve ever seen in a porno.  Is this British?  You guys are way better at this.  Plus, and I can never stress this enough: NO EVAN STONE.  And you can tell it’s a high-class production because they used the same set as both the actual King’s Speech and the gay porn that was shot there earlier.  Anyway, I hope that, like the original, the king and and his mentor will eventually form a special bond based on understanding and mutual respect.

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Here we have the trailer for Attack the Block, opening this Spring in the UK (no release date set in the US yet), which is basically Shaun of the Dead, but with aliens instead of zombies, and a group of black kids instead of Simon Pegg. (Think of how much Run Fatboy Run could’ve been improved using the same method!)

The story is, aliens attack a housing project in South London, and the street kids who live there (including Frost, who plays a drug dealer) have to fight back.  It looks promising, mainly because there was a kid with this haircut, and it was nothing short of a revelation:

Is that… a sideways brohawk?  That is… incredible.  That is the new coolest haircut of all time. Friends, I write a popular movie blog. I wear fashionable clothing. I use only the freshest colognes and body sprays.  I generally like to think I’m pretty cool.  But I know one thing for certain, and that’s that, as cool as I might be, I will never be “sideways-brohawk” cool.  Aw, man. I just got really depressed.

[via Empire]

Sony Pictures Classics has just spent in “the mid-seven figures” on Stephen Frears’ adaptation of the graphic novel Tamara Drewe.  WOOHOO!  Bring on the ninja vampires and octopus f’ck parties!  …right?

Up-and-coming Brit starlet Gemma Arterton will play Drewe [the extra 'E' is for 'English' -Ed.], a young newspaper columnist who returns to the country village of her youth and stirs up dark passions among the locals. Guardian cartoonist Posy Simmonds’ graphic novel, a collation of comicstrips published in U.K. newspaper the Guardian, is a modern reimagining of Thomas Hardy’s classic novel “Far From the Madding Crowd.”  [Variety]

So… by “dark passions” you mean, like, werewolves and lesbians and sh’t, right?

The art captures British frumpiness so well it’s scary; middle-age spread hulks through this book like sad weight, but it’s less skilled with beauty; Tamara’s looks don’t sway the reader the way they sway the characters in the book. But the view on how feminism has failed in moneyed Britain is priceless. [Amazon/Publisher'sWeekly]

See da main characta, Moira, she’s a shoe shoyne lass she is.  But den one day whoilst ‘avin a cup a tea, she ‘as an epiphany, she ‘as.  An’ she finks to ‘erself, “Oi, oy weren’ meant ta be da shoe shoyn lass!  Oy’s meant to be droivin’ a lorry!”  An’ da next fing you know, pow, as Bob’s your uncle, Moira’s become a lorry droiva.  So den da rest a da book’s mostly Moira droivin a propa lorry, which is well funny ‘cos she still looks loike a shoe shoyne lass she does.  Can you imagine dat?  A shoe shoyne lass droivin a propa lorry?  Oi, an’ oy reckon da movie’ll be well funny ‘cos we’w get Eddie Izzard ta play Moira we wew.   A bloke, dressed as a bird!  Can yous imagine dat?

British Prime Minister Gordon Brown visited the White House recently, and he and President Obama exchanged gifts.  Obama gave Brown a collection of 25 DVDs (list of titles after the jump), but the big story was that the British press is all bitter and pissed about it.

“In return for a pen holder carved from the timbers of the sister ship of the one the White House desk is made from and a first edition of a seven-volume biography of Winston Churchill, the Daily Mail is appalled that “Barack Obama, the leader of the world’s richest country” gave Brown a box set of 25 DVDs selected by the American Film Institute. These, it says, include Raging Bull, Casablanca, Psycho and The Graduate. It is, the Mail says, “a gift about as exciting as a pair of socks”. ” [Guardian]

Wow, a pen holder… thanks.  That’s, uh, I mean, normally I have so much trouble with the pen, you know, just laying the f-ck down on my desk all horizontal like, but this should, uh, really nip that problem in the bud.  And as for that seven-volume biography… that’s, uh, awesome.  I mean, I read a four-volume biography last year, but after only 2000 pages… I feel like there’s so much more to know.

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