British Batman’s costume doesn’t seem to fit very well, but you can’t argue with his crime-fighting skills. The unidentified man above was captured by closed-circuit cameras at a police station in northern England, where he dropped off a 27-year-old man wanted for burglary. He kind of looks like if you roused Batman late at night and he only had time to throw on some slippers.

Closed-circuit television footage showed a portly figure wearing an ill-fitting costume including gloves, cape and mask, bringing a 27-year-old man to a police station in Bradford in northern England.
The suspect was arrested and charged with handling stolen goods and fraud-related offences, said the force. But the costumed crime-fighter disappeared into the night without leaving his name.
“The person who brought the wanted man into the station was dressed in a full Batman outfit,” said a spokeswoman for West Yorkshire Police. “His identity, however, remains unknown.”
The suspect was handed over in the early hours of February 25, said police who released photos of the footage on Monday. [Reuters]

Compared to the heavily-armed populace of the US, Britain is still a largely gentle place, where British Batman can fight crime effectively using nothing but his wits, his own two hands, and a utility belt filled with bangers and sausage rolls in case he gets hungry. His only superpower is that he cares. When a crime has been committed, British Batman immediately bursts into action, downing the rest of his pint and loudly demanding “Oi! Wot’s aw dis den?”

British Batman seeks no recompense for his heroic acts of vigilantism, though in their gratitude, the Yorkshire police occasionally pay him in puddings. More than half of his crime-fighting schemes involve dressing up as a lady.

“This are the censors that create a virtual skeleton of Karl’s body, and these are the lumpy man tits that keep him from getting proper acting roles.”

Classically-trained British thespian Andy Serkis is famous for being the man pretending to be a chimp learning to become a man who taught us all what it means to be human in Rise of Planet of the Apes, grunting and pooping in a grey leotard as many a producer hailed his performance as “So, so brave,” clapping slowly in awe, eyes welling up with tears. Serkis was so inspired by the work that he’s set up his own Imaginarium Studio, “to develop the art of motion capture in the UK.” Gollum University, I like to call it.

Thanks to heroes like Andy Serkis, we’ll never again have to see a Jurassic Park where soulless dinosaurs are moved around by puppeteers or controlled by mechanical animatronics. They’ll be given heart, soul, and emotion, by people who know how mythical creatures and extinct beasts should feel. Actors! Wearing spandex!

Anyway, Serkis’s Imaginarium announced they’d be producing a motion-capture take on George Orwell’s Animal Farm a few months back, and he recently gave BBC News a tour of his facilities.

They do important work.

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As if it being about an English nursing home full of opera singers wasn’t enough to get me and my frat bros in the seats opening day, Quartet is also the directorial debut of Dustin Hoffman, and stars Maggie Smith, the Dowager from Downton Abbey. DAMN, SON, this sh*t sounds hotter than San Felipe in Spring! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!

Lifelong friends Wilf [the venerable Billy Connolly] and Reggie, together with former colleague Cissy, are residents of Beecham House, a home for retired opera singers. Every year on Giuseppe Verdi’s birthday, the residents unite to give a concert to raise funds for their home. But when Jean Horton, a former grande dame of the opera fallen on hard times, also Reggie’s ex-wife and the fourth and most celebrated member of their former quartet, moves into the home to everyone’s surprise, the plans for this year’s concert start to unravel. [Collider]

And thanks to SNL’s “Downton Abbey on Spike TV” sketch, I can never hear Maggie Smith’s name without immediately thinking, “Uh oh, you just pissed off the chicken lady.”

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Here’s an English football hooligan marching against Islam trying to explain what it is he’s against.  With hilarious results.  Apparently he’s very much anti “Muslamic Ray Guns.”  I don’t know why, they sound cool to me.  Anyway, I’d much rather watch this version of The King’s Speech. (Spoiler alert: He says the N-word a lot.) (thanks for the tip, Niall).

MORNING LINKS

Facebook fail-log, March Edition. |Uproxx|

Yo, fa real, though, give last week’s Frotcast a listen, it’s one of our best. |Frotcast|

Jon Stewart’s amazing farewell to Glenn Beck. |WarmingGlow|

Your split-second Hawkeye cameo in Thor. |GammaSquad|

Tommy from Quinzee goes to Japan to compare tragedies. |KissingSuzyKolber|

A selection of pieces from the Quentin vs. Coens art exhibit. |UnrealityMag|

Kids react to Rebecca Black.  Fun fun fun. |TheDailyWhat|

Cops in Pittsburgh tasers don’t work.  Aw, remember when you A-holes had to actually work? |BostonBarstoolSports|

Claudia Sampedro has nice lungs. |GorillaMask|

Great interview with a great man, Norm MacDonald. |TBL|

Pic via RobotInDisguise

Kelly Brook has attractive cleavage and other shocking news. |TheSuperficial|

Shockingly, Mila Kunis does not want to become Charlie Sheen’s goddess. |WWTDD|

Sunday comics. |HolyTaco|

More badass: Sean Bean or Michael Biehn? |ScreenJunkies|

Review of Arthur, the bravest, boldest comedy of 2011.  Wait, what? |NERDS!|

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I’ve posted a lot of

“My husband is required to, well… perform publicly.”

Get it? He’s a porn star with erectile dysfunction in this one.  So he seeks help from a professional (busty and be-thonged, of course), who tries to cure him using stodgy old superstitions like the old anal-beads-in-the-mouth treatment.  “Ejaculate!” she demands.  But of course her traditional methods are hopelessly outdated.  That’s when he seeks out an unorthodox (but similarly busty) mentor.  “Do you know any strokes?” she asks.

“Timing isn’t my strong suit.”

Oh, I see what you did there.  “Some men are born great,” reads the following title card.  “…Others have greatness thrust upon them.”  Wow, ‘thrust upon them.’  That is the most awesomely subtle wordplay I’ve ever seen in a porno.  Is this British?  You guys are way better at this.  Plus, and I can never stress this enough: NO EVAN STONE.  And you can tell it’s a high-class production because they used the same set as both the actual King’s Speech and the gay porn that was shot there earlier.  Anyway, I hope that, like the original, the king and and his mentor will eventually form a special bond based on understanding and mutual respect.

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