I hope screenwriter Randi Mayem Singer is waiting by the phone, because Renee Zellweger says she’s wearing a fat suit for Bridget Jones’ Diary 3.  Aw crap, did I just type Bridget Jones’ Diary 3?  Now my keyboard has AIDS ;-(

“Renee will be wearing a fat suit in the third film, as it took her a while to lose the weight last time,” a source revealed to British magazine Reveal. “She’s also thinking about the effect quickly putting on and then losing 30 pounds has on her body.”

I forgot that she’d actually gained 30 pounds for Bridget Jones Diary 2.  Can you imagine?  Jesus, man, considering the movie we’re talking about, that’d be like asking Robin Williams to actually get a sex change for Mrs. Doubtfire.  Not even.  It’d be like “We’re making a direct-to-DVD sequel to Mrs. Doubtfire, you’re gonna have to become a woman now.”

While some fans and bloggers are worried Zellweger’s portrayal of “Bridget Jones” will be less authentic the third go-round if she dons a fat suit, the actress has voiced concern over gaining weight for the famous role in the past. [NYDailyNews]

Oh okay, I get it now.  Haha, Bridget Jones 3 less authentic, very funny.  Seriously, you guys, where’s the hidden camera, I have work to do.

In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve started a new FilmDrunk segment. It’s called Forgotten Classics, and in it, I call your attention to older, awesomer movies you may have missed.  I figure it’s a great way to keep from killing myself because I have to report another movie based on a kids’ toy, or Bridget Jones Diary 3.  Oh yeah, they’re making that, hadn’t you heard?  Who cares.

Anyway, today’s Forgotten Classic is 1977′s Deathbed: The Bed That Eats. (It may not technically be “forgotten,” because Patton Oswalt mentions it in a famous bit which I’ve included below).  Things to look for in the Deathbed clip:

• 0:20 This guy wins the Oscar in mustache growing
• 1:30 The bed (I guess they’re sitting on a bed?) digests the guy with the gun – as represented by an arm coming out of some orangish foam.  At which point the other guy takes his gun in order to defend himself against the bed. TO NO AVAIL.
• 1:38 The line “Oh, I’m being eaten alive,” delivered in a manner one might normally reserve for, “Oh, I found a penny on the ground.”
• 1:46 Dead men don’t smoke cigars!  …OR DO THEY?
• 2:15 Bed eats a red flower – SYMBOLISM!  (maybe?)

Boy, they just don’t make ‘em like this anymore.  Thank God.

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