"God, I hope I don't die right after this."

Tragically overshadowed by the Oscars and Charlie Sheen’s magical fighter jet brain, producer/director Gary Winick died last night at the age of 49.  To add insult to injury, his most recent films were Bride Wars and Letters to Juliet, which is a shame, because before Kate Hudson had him Raul Julia’d, it sounds like he was a legit dude.

Winick’s most enduring legacy is likely the one he left on a smaller community, the thousands of filmmakers who have and will continue to benefit from his work as a digital pioneer at the turn of the century as the founder of InDigEnt, the collective he created with Cinetic’s John Sloss and IFC Films to make films for under $100,000 on digital video.

Inspired by the Dogme 95 movement out of Denmark, and especially Thomas Vinterberg’s “The Celebration,” Winick saw a similar opportunity in America, knowing the depth (and underutilization) of New York’s indie filmmaking community, observing much of it firsthand as a teacher at NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts for nearly a decade. By luring the likes of Richard Linklater, Ethan Hawke and then-budding auteurs like Rodrigo Garcia and Rebecca Miller, Winick gave digital filmmaking credibility at a time when it didn’t seem like the inevitability it is today and, better yet, produced 19 films between 2001 to 2007 that included gems such as Linklater’s “Tape,” Miller’s “Personal Velocity,” Peter Hedges’ “Pieces of April” and Steve Buscemi’s “Lonesome Jim” and Andrew Wagner’s “Starting Out in the Evening.” [IFC]

It’s terrible to say when we’re talking about a man dying, but I’m having trouble covering anything while Charlie Sheen’s epic meltdown continues.  Winick’s cause of death is still unknown, but I have a hunch Charlie Sheen melted his face off and exploded his body.  I honestly can’t imagine it happening any other way.

Opening this weekend:

Gran Torino
Watch this movie all you want, Clint Eastwood still thinks you’re a pussy.  He doesn’t care about the money.  The only thing that makes him happy these days is a good BM.

Bride Wars
Now that Anne Hathaway has gotten rave reviews for Rachel Getting Married, perhaps she won’t have to do any more spectacularly uninspired piles of monkey shit like this anymore.  You know what’d be way better than this?  Lesbian MMA porn. Know what else’d be better than this?  Nailing your dick to a tree with the claw end of the hammer.

The Unborn
Movie looks shitty, but I give the poster two thumbs up.  Hey, wait a second, the synopsis says the ghost boy died in Auschwitz.  You see that?  They tried to Trojan horse a holocaust movie on us – inside some chick’s ass.  …I hope you guys all went to college because I’m throwing down some pretty erudite analysis around here these days.

^{Anne put her hand where my face goes}

My love Anne Hathaway recently made the same mistake as Dane Cook and Matthew McConnaughey before her, starring in a movie opposite Kate Hudson, whose presence is a sure sign it’s probably going to suck. I’ve got the trailer for Bride Wars after the jump, but you know pretty much everything you need to from the title. Personally, I like romantic comedies, because they show us that all women care about is hair, makeup, tanning, clothes, and getting married. Funny because it’s true! Women be shoppin’, am I right guys? Let’s all go iron our shirts and fail comically.
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Anne Hathaway stories are my favorite, because they give me an excuse to post pictures of Anne Hathaway.  She’s set to star in Bride Wars, opposite Kate Hudson, who tried to kill Owen Wilson by being a prude or something.

Hathaway and Hudson will play best friends who are pitted against each other when their wedding dates clash. They compete for venues, services and guests, once it’s clear that neither will step aside. [Variety]

Chicks don’t know how to fight.  Everyone knows that when you disagree with someone, you strip to your skivvies and wrestle.  But oil up first, because it looks manlier, and that’s important.  Either way, this movie sounds dumb, but I don’t care because Anne Hathaway’s boobs made me forget what I was going to type next.

If you took a picture of me looking at a picture of Anne Hathaway, and zoomed in close enough to see inside my heart, you’d see Knüt and a bunch of other baby polar bears baking brownies and batting a beach ball back and forth with their noses.  Also, it would distract you from my giant boner.