The winner of last year’s AVN Award for “Clever Title” was “Beggin for a Peggin,” a romantic tale of ladies taking their male co-stars from behind with strap-ons. (Did you know that’s what “pegging” meant? I did.) I personally thought “I Want You to Make My Mouth Pregnant” was robbed, but when it comes to the clever title award, really, everyone’s a winner. This year’s list of nominees, as you can see above, includes:

Clever Title of the Year
Asphyxia Heels the World, BurningAngel/Vouyer
Brooklyn Egg Cream on the Roxxx, Seymore Butts/Pure Play
Chocolate Covered Crackers, Black Magic Pictures
Chocolate Yam Yams, Black Storm/Monarchy/Vantage
Does This Dick Make My Ass Look Big?, Vouyer Media
Look Mom, My First Black Penis, Mike Hunt/Juicy
My Wife Caught Me Assf*cking Her Mother, Devil’s Film
Nice Shoes, Wanna F*ck?, Electric/Hustler
Occupy My Ass, Bobbi Starr/Evil Angel
She Plays a Mean Rusty Trombone!, Lethal Hardcore/Pulse
Show Me Your Sh*thole, B. Pumper/Freaky Empire
Somebody Shave Me, Zero Tolerance Entertainment
The Spit and the Speculum, Mike Adriano/Evil Angel
Subtle Fragrance of Her Private Parts, Swank/Pure Play
We Vow to Bang Black Beotches, Kelly Madison/Juicy

Now, if I was being a homer, I’d be rooting for “Brooklyn Egg Cream on the Roxxx,” which was actually first announced on FilmDrunk’s very own podcast by Seymore Butts, one of our favorite guests (these are the kinds of announcements you get to break when you name your show after a sex act). But if I’m honest, I think I’m a little more partial to “The Spit and the Speculum” (cos it’s literary, like), or “Show Me Your Sh*thole,” which finds beauty in blunt directness, a la Hemingway. (Not to mention, it stars the guy who once wrote a rap song about making Laurence Fishburne’s daughter queef).

However, neither would be declared a winner that day. Instead, the honor went to…

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[Photo courtesy of XOJane. Check out their AVN coverage here]

On one of our more popular Frotcasts, we ambushed Rocco Reed and Chanel Preston, the stars of Romeo and Juliet XXX, with our lengthy lists of possible Shakespearian porno titles, such as “Ass, You Like It,” and “Much Ado about Nutting.” They seemed… mildly amused, kinda. But the AVN Awards, infamous for doling out buckets of awards for just about everything, has one award in particular that seemed tailor-made for People Like Us: the Clever Title of the Year Award.

In my mind, “I Want You to Make My Mouth Pregnant” is the clear leader, though “Roll Me a Fatty” is a nice visual (hard to do with a double entendre!). I’m also drawn to Montana Fishburne’s ex-lover B. Pumper’s film “Sweaty College Girl Butt Stinky Panties.” You can read that ten times and interpret it differently each time. I mean, is it a college girl who’s stinky, or is “Sweaty College Girl Butt” all one phrase, and it refers only to the butt that’s sweaty? Or maybe it’s a story about GirlButt StinkyPanties, a student at Sweaty College. The possibilities are nearly endless. That’s the beauty of a good title, it opens doors, it doesn’t close them. A title should be like your mom’s legs.

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Remember Montana Fishburne’s co-star in her first adult movie?  You know, the one they filmed before her contract with Vivid was announced?  His name is Brian Pumper and he’s an aspiring rapper.  In addition to his Jay-Z diss song, he also provided the titular rhymes in Phatties, Rhymes, and Dimes 14. (Heh, “titular.”)  Well, let me be the first to tell you that MOTHER OF GOD, THE LYRICS ARE INCREDIBLE.

(However, they’re probably too explicit for the main page, so join me below for the fun.)

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11 days ago, we found out Laurence Fishburne’s 19-year-old daughter, Montana, was doing a Vivid porn. Last week, we learned she’d filmed an earlier porno (“Phatty’s Rhymes & Dimes 14″).  About five minutes after that, we found out she’d been arrested for prostitution.  Today, I bring you the news that her co-star in her first hardcore scene, Brian Pumper, is an aspiring rapper, and he has recorded a song dissing Jay-Z’s “weak sex game.” I can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings. Yes, it’s a wonderful time to be alive, I whispered to my Japanese sex pillow.

I had to put the video after the jump because the lyrics are naughty, but here’s a sample: Read the rest of this entry »