Few posts sparked the kind of outrage that broke out after I told you about Lionsgate’s plan to produce a remake of American Psycho set in modern-day New York, from a pitch by Noble Jones. Because it’s such a comment on 80s excess, people understandably have a hard time imagining American Psycho in any other era. Sources say one angry film lover even went so far as to call Lionsgate offices, telling the receptionist, “You f*cking ugly bitch. I want you to clean your vagina.”

In the meantime, it turns out that one person who’s okay with the idea is Bret Easton Ellis, who wrote the damned thing in the first place. Not many acclaimed novelists begin tweets with “haters beware,” but then not many novelists give as few f*cks as Bret Easton Ellis. This is what he had to say last night:

Haters beware: I just had a long discussion with Noble Jones, the writer/director of the “new” American Psycho movie. His take is genuine…

Although he sounds like a black superhero, Noble Jones is actually a second unit director on The Social Network. (I think he might be this guy, but it’s unclear). Meanwhile, Easton tweeted earlier (seriously, dude loves twitter, and has even more opinions about movies than me) that his casting choice for Patrick Bateman was either Miles Fisher (who?) or Scott Disick. Yes, Scott Disick as in Kourtney Kardashian’s boyfriend. I don’t know whether he can act, but he’s certainly got the dressing-like-Patrick-Bateman part down. And if you ask me, any dude who shaves his pits is probably a serial killer.

Still, I hope Rampage Jackson in The A-Team has taught us all a valuable lesson about not casting people because they seem like a real-life version of the character.

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Mary Harron‘s film adaptation of American Psycho is eleven years old now, and people have heard of it, so I suppose a remake was inevitable. While I’d be the first one to tell you that the book is better than the movie, Christian Bale captures Patrick Bateman in such a way that it’s impossible not to see his face and hear his voice when you re-read it (I’d say the same thing about the character Jack Black plays in High Fidelity). Sadly, nothing is sacred in this town, not even a hot buff dude killing whores with a chainsaw. (*old Indian sheds a single tear*)

Lionsgate has tapped Noble Jones to write and direct a reimagining of “American Psycho” that will go back to Bret Easton Ellis’ 1991 satirical novel, which Mary Harron previously adapted in 2000 as a feature starring Christian Bale.
Low-budget project, which has not yet been greenlit at Lionsgate, is currently in the early stages of development at the studio.

I asked a Lionsgate exec exactly how low a budget they were thinking, but he just told me to feed him a stray cat.

Set in Manhattan during the Wall Street boom of the late 1980s, “American Psycho” concerns the daily life of Patrick Bateman, a wealthy investment banker by day who becomes a homicidal maniac by night.
Jones pitched the project to Lionsgate several months ago and recently turned in a script that explores how Bateman would fare in modern day Gotham.
A protege of David Fincher, Jones is a commericals and music video helmer who served as second unit director for the Boston-shot scenes in Fincher’s award-winning drama “The Social Network.” [Variety]

So it’s a low-budget remake, from a first-time director, set in modern times, where Patrick Bateman probably works for Goldman-Sachs and spontaneously launches into long-form, quasi-critical analyses of Drake and Rihanna? Jesus Christ, that sounds awful. I asked a Lionsgate exec what could possible possess a person to allow something like this, and he just gritted his teeth and enunciated carefully, “Because. I want. To fit. In.”

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Gus Van Sant (director of Milk and Good Will Hunting, among other things) will team up with Bret Easton Ellis, (writer of the books American Psycho and Rules of Attraction, among other things) to write a film about two artists who committed suicide.  They’ll be adapting…

“The Golden Suicides,” a Vanity Fair article about the double suicide of artists Theresa Duncan and Jeremy Blake [pictured]. Van Sant is involved only as writer at this point.  Duncan and Blake formed a popular couple on the downtown New York and Venice, Calif., art scenes. She was one of the first videogame designers for girls, and his “digital paintings” — kaleidoscopic images shown on plasma screens — established him as a rising star on the circuit.

The couple descended into a paranoid spiral when the artists developed a consuming belief that government and religious organizations were conspiring against them. She killed herself in 2007. Blake found her body on the floor of their bedroom, and walked into the Atlantic Ocean a week later, ending his life. [Variety]

Since Van Sant and Easton Ellis are both at their best when they’re not being pretentious (i.e., not like Elephant for Van Sant or Glamorama for Easton Ellis), a movie about artists who commit suicide might not be the best fit.  Suicide is the ultimate film school cliché.  Artsy kids think making a movie about suicide will make them seem deep for some reason.  I had a film class in college where like three of the shorts were about suicide.  Remember the guy on Real World Brooklyn who was in a film class?  Guess what his movie was about.  Yep, suicide.  Suicides really aren’t that interesting.  You think killing yourself is going to blow everyone’s mind by how punk rock you are, and people might be shocked at first, but in ten minutes they’re still gonna go back to thinking about what they want for lunch.

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Question marks in the headline can mean only one thing: it’s time to prognosticate! If you came here for answers, you’re in the wrong place, bub. Now, who wants to get stabbed in the dark?  Ouch, I’m bleeding! Yay!

MTV recently talked to American Psycho/Rules of Attraction/Less Than Zero author Bret Easton Ellis, whose 2005 book Lunar Park will soon become a movie.  The protagonist of the book is a fictionalized version of the lily-white Ellis, who says the lead candidate for the role is noted Puerto Rican Benicio Del Toro.  It’s a strange book – it starts with Ellis raising a family after gaining literary fame in the 80s, and eventually becomes a Stephen King-style supernatural thriller.

“Benicio would actually be playing Bret Easton Ellis,” the author said of his new, unlikely doppelganger. “It’s a strange bit of casting.”  According to Easton Ellis, it was their physical differences that attracted the “Traffic” star to the role. “I think he’s interested just because he’s rarely offered Anglo parts. I think that’s one of the reasons it was very exciting to him. I don’t even think he read the book; I just think he read the script and said ‘Oh, this is an Anglo writer and you’re not casting a white dude? You’ve come to me?’ And I think that rarely happens for him. I think he’s offered a lot of Spanish characters and ethnic types, and I think it’s very rare for him to get offered Anglo parts.” [MTV]

Of course he didn’t read the book – he’s Puerto Rican. I kid, I kid. But in all seriousness, if they ever make a movie about my life, I’m going on record that I want Danny Trejo for the lead.  Mira, puto – deed ju come here for some pinche movie news? (*fires shotgun at camera*)

Bret Easton Ellis wrote Less Than Zero when he was 21 about growing up in L.A., then Rules of Attraction about his Northeastern private liberal arts college, and American Psycho about living in New York in his 20s.  He published The Informers a few years after that, a collection of short stories about L.A. in the 80s.  Ellis co-wrote the screenplay for the movie, directed by Two Hands (a fun Aussie movie, check it out if you haven’t seen it) director Gregor Jordan.  It premieres at Sundance this week and judging by the trailer, tells the story of what a fun time the 80s were, when guys with stupid hair did lots of drugs with naked chicks.  Anyway, like I said, something something drugs and naked chicks.