When you’re a hot young actor like Brendan Fraser, you might think it’s going to rain Bedazzled money forever. Or at least, it seems, Brendan Fraser’s ex-wife and divorce lawyer, who got him to pay $50,000 a month in alimony must’ve thought that. But the truth is, showbiz is an even crueler bitch than my ex-wife’s lawyer. So it is that Brendan Fraser now finds himself losing $87,000 a month, even while earning millions.

Take it away, TMZ:

Fraser filed docs in Connecticut recently as part of an ongoing battle with his ex-wife to lower his alimony payments, which currently sit at $50,000/month. To prove his financial situation ain’t what it used to be, Fraser listed his monthly income and expenses

According to Fraser, he makes about $205,704.04/month, but $112,803.25 goes to professional expenses leaving him with $92,900.79.  Fraser says he makes another $25,800.28 from interest and other financial things rich people get … and then the expenses kick in, including …

Alimony — $50,000
Mortgages — $5,000+
Property tax — $6,000+
Income tax — $34,132.52
Child support — $25,000
Gardening — $5,200
Various insurances — $5,000+
Family support and gifts — $5,000+
Staffing — $3,000
Pet care — $7.77
And it goes on and on …

All told, Fraser’s expenses have him losing $87,320.01/month. But Fraser’s assets reportedly total just a shade under $25 million. [TMZ]

$200 grand a month, not bad. That comes out to a shade more than a cool $2.5 million a year. Of course, according to this accounting, with his expenses, he’d have to make about $3.6 mil just to break even. Also, $3,000 a month for “staffing” sounds like a lot, until you realize that it probably means he has some assistant fresh out of college trying to afford her loan payments and LA rent making $36,000 a year. Which has to suck when some 8-year-old’s making $300K a year just for being Brendan Fraser’s kid. (Okay, so technically he has three sons – Griffin, Holden, and Leland, which are traditional Connecticut names – each earning $100K a year each).

But of course, all of this is if we believe Brendan Fraser’s own accounting. And I do, because I don’t think he’d try to lie. If you’re Brendan Fraser, you don’t want that much money riding on your ability to act. (*vigorous armpit farts*)

Probably Milwaukee.

Opening Everywhere: Snitch, Dark Skies

Opening Nowhere: Stand Off

FilmDrunk Suggests: Organize a neighborhood game of Kick the Can and let me know where it is, because I’ll come play. Or you can go see what one critic called “Dwayne Johnson’s best role yet” in Snitch and then look at his IMDB page and just mumble, “Well yeah.”

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Strap in, kids, we’ve got an abundance of posters to savor this week. First up, Iron Man 3. I’ll be honest, it sort of bums me out how excited grown adults get every time a comic book character so much as farts on celluloid. I mean, I like plenty of comic book movies (possibly more than half, even) it’s just the automatic excitement of it. It seems like a weird form of brand loyalty. Anyway, I like this poster fine, I’m just not that into the idea of a third Iron Man after the last one. Is this one just going to be Robert Downey flexing at the camera shouting “I’m Robert Downey, bitch!” while he bangs supermodels? The first one was fun, but let’s face it, Iron Man is kind of like the Entourage of superhero movies.

I call this pose the Angry Upside-Down Jesus. My girlfriend and I tried the Angry Upside-Down Jesus once, but we didn’t have the right sized railroad spikes.

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For too long, notorious Hollywood tough guy Brendan Fraser has been leading with his fists, punching first and asking questions later. This knuckle-dragging philistine has been playing by his own rules for far too long, but finally, one movie producer has had the courage to stand up and say “no.”

[From TMZ, inexplicable ellipses theirs] Brendan Fraser unleashed TWO physical attacks on one of the producers of a movie he is set to star in … so says the producer who is now suing the movie star … TMZ has learned.
The man who filed the suit is Todd Moyer — one of the producers on the movie “The Legend of William Tell” … a movie that has been in the works since 2011.

Remember when Brendan Fraser was going to play William Tell? I’ll never forget it, because reader Stinky Peet made us this gif:

Anyway, let’s hear what exactly this violent sociopath did. BRENDAN FRASER MUST BE STOPPED!

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The original William Tell legend is kind of like the Swiss equivalent of Braveheart (but more fictionalized), or Robin Hood. Basically, it goes, the Austrian Habsburgs were trying to colonize William Tell’s neck of Switzerland in 1307. The new Austrian sheriff came to town, put his hat on a flag in the town square, and said everyone had to bow to it. William Tell didn’t bow, so the sheriff captured his son and as punishment, made him shoot an apple off the kid’s head. William Tell split the apple in twain, then later killed the sheriff, inspired a revolt against the Habsburgs, and I assumed banged chicks and dunked his balls in the fondue (a traditional Swiss celebration). It’s your prototypical medieval badass story. Now it’s coming to the silver screen, because there’s nothing Hollywood loves better than a story of Swiss exceptionalism, and who better to bring such a story to life than the director of Yogi Bear and star of Furry Vengeance?

To the blockquote! (*slips on banana peel, falls on whoopie cushion, pees pants, bird poops on face*)

Eric Brevig previously directed Fraser in the 3D hit Journey to the Center of the Earth, and also helmed Yogi Bear. Brevig is more than capable of shooting the splitting of an apple in 3D; he graduated to director from the position of visual effects supervisor on such films as Total Recall, Pearl Harbor, Men in Black and The Day After Tomorrow. Producer Todd Moyer said that he sparked to the idea of reteaming Fraser and Brevig. “Family action adventure is exactly what Brendan and Eric do best,” he said. “Eric’s skills and experience will make this film compete with any studio film.” The film is now eying a mid-March 2012 start in Castel Studios in Romania and on location in Switzerland. The budget is upped to $27 million and Chad and Evan Law are tweaking their script. [Deadline]

So this is going to be a 3D, medieval action movie, and it costs $27 million. How the hell did Conan the Barbarian cost $90 million again? Was it Rose McGowan’s forehead budget? I never understand this math stuff. Anyway, I’m sure this will be at least as historically accurate as Paul WS Anderson’s steam punk Three Musketeers. And by that I mean I’ll be surprised if it’s not called “Will.i.am Tell 3D” by the time they finish the script. A story of a musical revolt set in a contemporary urban potentate, it could be.

[gif courtesy of our own Stinky Peet]