Ham it up all you want, Stiller. I’m still watching that old dude pick his nose instead of watching you.

There are a lot of new DVDs this week, and The Watch (pictured above) is just one of them. There’s also the latest Pixar flick and the latest Oliver Stone film.  There are films starring Christopher Walken, John Travolta, Chris Rock, and Sean Astin.  There are vamps and vampires, dark horses, devil’s angels, British thieves and British prison guards. We’ve got two Dove Foundation-approved films, and one of them even stars an Oscar-nominee. It’s an exciting week to watch films on DVD -especially if you don’t limit your viewing choices to this week’s admittedly mediocre new releases.

The DVDs:
The Watch
Brave
Savages
Vamps
2 Days In New York
Dark Horse
The Queen Of Versailles
Natural Selection
Highway
Amazing Love: The Story Of Hosea
Comes A Bright Day
Lukewarm
Prairie Love
A Beer Tale
Screwed
Dust Up
The Ghostmaker
3 Times A Charm
Devil’s Angel
Vampires: Brighter In Darkness

One of this week’s movies has a loose tie to The Beatles.  If you want to know which one, continue reading.  Curious which Oscar-nominee is making Dove-approved films now?  Continue reading. Want to watch a movie right this very second?

Streaming
Click here for the Netflix suggestions, but if you do, you’ll never find out which film involves a cannibalistic drug lord -unless you come back and read the article after you’ve watched your Netflix movie, in which case, we’re all good.  But seriously, why the rush? Read the rest of this entry »

"More like Magic SIKE!" I imagine Seth MacFarlane would say.

Despite finishing at No. 2 on this weekend’s box office list, Channing Tatum has another certified blockbuster on his hands. Magic Mike earned nearly $40 million in its first weekend, which is fantastic for its $7 million budget. But the big winner was Seth MacFarlane and his foul-mouthed teddy bear, Retread Ted, which grossed $54 million.

The victory comes as a mild surprise, as people still love MacFarlane’s self-aware brand of “edgy” comedy, and a lot of my friends and Twitter peoples told me that they really enjoyed Ted. And as much as I wanted Magic Mike to be the clear winner, horny cougars and sorority girls can only carry a film so far. Although, I will say that out-profiting a film $32 million to $4 million is one hell of a victory.

The rest of the box office – including another big weekend for Tyler Perry *sigh* – after the jump, as well as some thoughts on Magic Mike.

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In a summer that has already seen delicious, disastrous bombs for Battleship, Adam Sandler’s latest movie, and Rock of Ages, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter grossed just $16.5 million on a $70 million budget. It seemed like something people were excited for it about three months ago, then in the last couple of weeks public opinion really turned against it. My guess is, people thought it sounded like a fun idea, then changed their minds after being bombarded with ads that didn’t make it seem all that fun (I’d like to think the amazingly terrible Abraham Linkin Park Vampire Hunter video also had an effect). But that could just be me projecting. One thing is for certain, if you really want a movie to bomb, just have me choose it in our Fantasy Summer Box Office game.

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"Damn it, woman, why isn't my dinner ready?"

Opening Everywhere: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, Brave, Seeking a Friend for the End of the World, To Rome with Love

Never Heard of It: Grassroots

FilmDrunk Suggests: I’m very excited to see Seeking a Friend, which Vince reviewed if you didn’t read it already, and I’m one of the two people on Earth apparently eager to see Abe Lincoln, so there’s that, too.

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"Chill, babe. I gots this."

With Rotten Tomatoes scores currently throbbing at 97% (critics) and 98% (audience expectations), Marvel’s The Avengers is the perfect film to kick off the summer movie season this Friday. Sure, some people might argue that the summer movie season actually begins with Miley Cyrus’ LOL – also being released this Friday – but those people need to go back to singing “Achy Breaky Heart” at my nephew’s Bar Mitzvah, dammit.

Beyond The Avengers are some films that actually have us pretty excited about Hollywood’s collective IQ for once – but don’t you worry, there’s also plenty of crap coming out, too. Fortunately, this isn’t the end of the year, so I don’t have to focus on the crap just yet – I will still eventually see LOL because Vince loves watching my soul cripple – and we’re just examining the films that have the greatest potential to crash the box office this season, and put smiles back on the faces of the billionaires who only made hundreds of millions in 2011.

I’ve even taken the liberty of breaking the summer movies up into categories for your convenience (chronological list on the last page), and I am being assisted in presenting this guide by none other than Michael Bay’s pet tiger, Todd Brad.

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