Michael Bay’s production company that makes cheap remakes of old horror films, Platinum Dunes, has announced plans to remake Monster Squad.  Monster Squad came out in 1987, was one of Shane Black’s first writing credits, and was one of a handful of 80s movies that tried to make the word “nards” happen, though it never really caught on like, say, “douchebag” or “awesome.”

Rob Cohen, who produced the original, hopes to direct the remake. Cohen will produce with Platinum Dunes partners Michael Bay, Brad Fuller and Andrew Form, and they’re meeting with writers.
A group of kids who worship the classic monsters suddenly discover that Dracula is in town, and he’s got his pals Frankenstein, The Wolf Man, The Gill Man and The Mummy with him. The kids must stop their efforts to find an amulet that will give the creatures control of the world. [Deadline]

I know we all have fond memories of this movie because we saw it when we were still eating paste and putting worms down our pants, but the truth is, it was always probably kind of stupid.  The only difference now is that instead of the cute kind of stupid that we were used to, like a stripper who can’t read, we’ll get the Michael Bay kind of stupid, the stupid that’s honed to a fine point in focus groups and boardrooms and then jammed into your eyeball with a McDonald’s ad stuck on the end.  Then Michael Bay will yell, “YAHTZEE, MOTHERF*CKERS!” and chop another line of coke for his cheetah.

You have to feel sorry for the “high-level writer” whom Platinum Dunes producer Brad Fuller claims to be hiring for his upcoming Ouija Board movie.  No, you read that right, the concept of the movie is a f-cking board game.

Fuller added that the movie will be “a huge movie. That’s a big, big, big thing. … It’s more of a, like, Pirates of the Caribbean adventure story, with a Ouija board at the center of it.”

The movie is being developed at Universal as part of Platinum Dunes partner Michael Bay’s relationship with Hasbro (Transformers), which owns Parker Brothers. Fuller added that the movie will NOT resemble Jumanji, another game-themed movie. [SciFiWire]

Hold on.. I think it’s spelling something… P A R K O U R… R O B O T S… H I P H O P D A N C E C R E W… yup, this is gonna suck.