For reasons I can’t quite explain, I’ve always sort of liked Dax Shepard. Maybe it’s because his name is Aussie slang for underwear, I don’t know, don’t judge me. Anyway, after the jump, watch Shepard introduce the trailer for Hit and Run, which he wrote and co-directed with David Palmer, in which Shepard stars opposite Brad Cooper (with dreadlocks!) and Kristen Bell (Shepard’s real-life fianceé). Shepard plays a former getaway driver named “Charlie Bronson,” who jeopardizes his Witness Protection Program identity when he drives to LA to help his girlfriend land a dream job. At this point it’s hard to tell if it’s a parody of movies like Drive and Knight and Day or just a ripoff of movies like Drive and Knight and Day. You’d think if it was a parody, it’d be called Hit and Runn, and Dax Shepard would play Dylan Runn.

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This white dude rapping about pancakes is the biggest thing on the internet right now. Yes, he raps really well, but let us not overlook the fact that his subject matter is breakfast foods. All I’m saying is that this should be encouraged.

MORNING LINKS
A tribute to our outgoing editor, Matt Ufford. |Warming Glow|

St. Petersburg Tops List As America’s Saddest City |Smoking Section|

This Week in Posters. |FilmDrunk|

Kate Upton Took A Tour Of The New Madison Square Garden |With Leather|

Lady Gamers Put Out More…Errr…Have More Sex |UPROXX|

Six Videos of Floppy Drives Singing |Gamma Squad|

11 Reasons Why Lifting The U.S. Horse-Meat Ban Is A Good Thing |Buzzfeed|

The history of the world in stop motion. |dogandponyshow|

Someone explains why pennies should be abolished, as if we really needed it explained. I treat them like rat turds. |TheDailyWhat|

This kids hates Tom Brady. But he’s so handsome! |Videogum|

Another batch of pictures where January Jones isn’t handling her own child. |TheSuperficial|

Seven movies that became unlikely musicals. |ScreenJunkies|

Holy Taco picks the best presents of 2011. |HolyTaco|

The 13 most insane Mexican food-related crimes. |Ranker|

A Gallery of Pitch Perfect Daria Cosplay |Unreality|

Community Credits x Parks & Recreation |NextRound|

Nominate for comments of the week. Subscribe to the Frotcast on iTunes. Follow me on Twitter.

Casting America’s most blue-eyed WASP Bradley Cooper as the mixed-race goth icon in The Crow remake is one of the dumber ideas to come out of Hollywood, a town built on terrible ideas. Now Cooper is out, supposedly because of scheduling (though I prefer to think that he finally came to his handsome senses thanks to one of those Limitless pills). Now the actors being named as possible replacements are… Channing Tatum and Mark Wahlberg (who was basically C-Tates before C-Tates was C-Tates). Yes, I’m sure fans of The Crow will be delighted either way…

Bradley Cooper was to have played the title character but sources tell The Hollywood Reporter that he has now exited due to scheduling conflicts. Cooper has David O. Russell’s Silver Linings Playbook shooting this fall and then dives straight into Legendary’s Paradise Lost, which shoots first quarter next year…the exact time Relativity plans on making the high-priority Crow.
But akin to the project’s rock musician who is killed and resurrected [editor's note: no, not really like that at all...], two new names have surfaced as possible replacements: Channing Tatum and Mark Wahlberg. [THR]

They don’t say why those names are being mentioned or by whom, but if true, it sounds like this project has gone from WASP to whigger! And I think I speak for everyone here when I say that “From WASP to Whigger” would make an awesome reality show on VH-1 in which Channing Tatum takes a Northeastern blue blood and turns him into the white Flava-Flav of a Florida strip mall (with special guest Chet Haze!). Holy crap, thank God I’m already writing this down.

Oooh, look at me, I’m Brad Cooper, I’m a super-handsome movie star who also speaks fluent French, I’m sooooo great.  Whatever, dude. Can you do this? (*flips eyelids inside out, rolls stomach, falls through coffee table*)

I think if you turn up the sound on this video, you can actually hear the sound of the anchor’s ovaries ripening.  I hear fertility doctors now use this video as a way to induce ovulation. Hell, I think my vagina just moistened, and I don’t even have one. (That the cops know about…).  Ugh.  Show off.  Look man, just promise us you won’t do any Kate Hudson rom-coms.  Deal?

When it was announced last week that Relativity Media would be remaking The Crow, starring goth icon, uh… Bradley Cooper… I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that literally everyone thought it was the stupidest f*cking idea in the history of the world.  Well now, a reprieve is a possibility, thanks to an unlikely source: The Weinstein Company.  TWC says Relativity doesn’t own the rights, and therefore can’t sell them, as they’ve been attempting to do.

“If somebody tries to buy those rights other than the Weinsteins, those people will be simply buying a lawsuit,” said TWC attorney Bert Fields, who filed the suit in LA Superior Court.

THE CROW REMAKE?? CAW! CAW! BANG! F*CK! IT’S DEAD!

Dispute centers on a contract between TWC and Relativity — signed “as of March 25, 2009″ — that the suit claims gives TWC exclusive rights to sequels, prequels, and remakes.
“Relativity CEO Ryan Kavanaugh decided that relativity would not perform that contract and will purport to sell TWC’s distribution rights to others here and overseas in will breach of contract,” the lawsuit states.

THAT SOUNDS TERRIBLE FOR RELATIVITY!  BUT WAIT! CAN I GET AN EQUALLY BIASED STATEMENT FROM THE OPPOSING SIDE!?

“This is yet another typical litigation stunt from the Weinsteins who have a long history of threatening law suits with the sole purpose of intimidation,” said Relativity in a statement. [Variety]

YOU AND YOUR JEW LAWYERS CAN’T INTIMIDATE US, WEINSTEIN!  YOU’LL HAVE TO PRY THIS BRAD COOPER CROW REMAKE FROM OUR COLD, DEAD HANDS!  OUR COMMITMENT TO TERRIBLE IDEAS IS UNMATCHED!

“But sometimes, there’s an idea so sh*tty, that a terrible sadness is carried with it, and the soul can’t rest.  Then, sometimes, just sometimes, the crow can bring its lawyers back to put the wrongs right.”  (*Stone Temple Pilots song fades in*)