Here’s the trailer for The Tempest, from director Julie Taymor (the U2 Spider-Man musical chick). It stars Helen Mirren, Russell Brand, and Djimon Hounsou.  The visuals look neat-ish, but I feel the same way about this as I do virtually all modern Shakespeare adaptations: Oh boy, I can’t wait to watch a bunch of half-bright actors show us how cultured they are by angrily spewing dialog they don’t understand.  I did enjoy the “SORCERY” title card though.  And hey, did it just turn into an episode of Renegade at the end there?

David O. Russell drops out of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. A scheduling conflict with Pride producer Natalie Portman meant Russell had to drop out and do Old St. Louis instead, a dramedy starring Vince Vaughn that Scarlett Johansson was supposed to be in at one point (not now).   And now, I find myself in the awkward position of being enough of a hipster to like David O. Russell, but not nearly twee enough to not hate Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.  So, uh, good news, as it turns out. (*tightens ascot, rides off on fixed gear*)|NYMag|

Screenwriter Tony Gilroy taking over directing duties on the fourth Bourne movie, the Bourne Legacy.  Matt Damon’s involvement is still up in the air.  BLUR! SMASH CUT! (*fart noise*) GAS PEDAL! ENGINE NOISE! TIRE SQUEAL! (*dismissive wank*) SMASH CUT! ZOOM! (*zzzzzzzz*) |Deadline|

Mark Millar says his ultra-violent, evil-batman comic book, Nemesis, has been greenlit with director Tony Scott and a $150 million budget.  In related news, Mark Millar is talking out his ass again. |io9|

Peter Jackson is “close to a deal” to direct The Hobbit movies, and Deadline and TheWrap are going all dueling ‘TOLJDAs’ about it. Of course, MGM is still $4 billion in debt and the film hasn’t been greenlit yet.  Expect at least three more rounds of denials and confirmations over the coming weeks.  You know what?  I don’t care anymore.

Universal Pictures has announced that it will forge ahead with plans for a fourth installment of the Jason Bourne saga due out in 2012, despite star Matt Damon and director Paul Greengrass remaining detached from the project. Damon has previously said that he would do the film, but only if Greengrass would return to direct. The pair most recently worked together on Green Zone, but have apparently not talked since, making them much like my parents, if Green Zone were child support payments.

Tony Gilroy will write the fourth film, and is also rumored to be a potential replacement for Greengrass in case he doesn’t sign on. According to Deadline, the film could be called The Bourne Bible, but according to Variety it will take on the name of the novel, “The Bourne Legacy”, although it would not be related to the plot of the written work. In related news, Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg will write and direct Still Bourne. Just kidding, that would actually sound funny.

Butcher the English language, Entertainment.ie:

The studio have reportedly commissioned the script for The Bourne Legacy, with original adaptor Tony Gilroy on writing duties, and a director and new star being sought.

Empire Magazine are speculating that Gilroy, who made a brilliant directorial debut with Michael Clayton, could be the man to call the shots on a new instalment. Channing Tatum for the lead? I wouldn’t bet against it.

Don’t worry, I know what you’re thinking and C-Tate couldn’t make it today, but it looks like he could have written that. The author just pulled Chan-Dogg’s name out of his butt, and Universal is still holding out hope that Damon will reprise his role for the fourth and presumably final Bourne film, which is slated to be successive, as opposed to a prequel. The addition of C-Tate would simply make no sense, unless Jason Bourne has to infiltrate working class Portland in order to overcome the final limitations of his amnesia – remembering how to pop and lock, for real, son.

But what if…

Read the rest of this entry »

The word around the campfire recently was that director Paul Greengrass had left the Bourne franchise, which was a shame considering he’d made only two Bourne sequels and one movie that looks exactly like Bourne.  Someone recently asked Matt Damon about it, and he had some shocking news.

“There’ll probably be a prequel of some kind with another actor and another director before we do another one,” he said, “just because I think we’re probably another five years away from doing it – we’ve got to get a script…” [Empire]

You heard it here, folks, Matt Damon thinks there’ll be a reboot. But he doesn’t really know.  It’ll probably be hard to tell anyway with these boring ass movies.  At this point they should just shoot the sequel with Damon’s part played by Tyler Perry in drag, just to see if anyone’s still paying attention.  Here, I think I found an early sneak peek at the next Bourne movie.

I don’t know how I missed this, but a few days ago, the People’s Choice Awards released their list of nominations. Among them:

Favorite Movie: The Bourne Ultimatum; Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End; Transformers
Favorite Family Movie: Evan Almighty, Ratatouille, Shrek the Third

You can see the full list here.  It’s nice that the People’s Choice Awards committee nominates stuff like Pirates and Transformers, instead of condescending to us with faux high brow stuff like those dandies at the Oscars. I so enjoy the People’s Choice Awards, in fact, that I did some digging, and found…

People’s Choice Awards – The Lost Categories

Favorite Beverage: Sunny Delight, Kool Aid, Mountain Dew, Coors
Favorite Author: Dan Brown, John Grisham, Donald Trump, Jesus
Favorite Birth Control Method: Condoms, Saran Wrap, Mountain Dew, Anal
 

•    Favorite Salad Dressing: Ranch, Thousand Island, Buttermilk, Gravy
•    Favorite Scapegoat: Queers, The Devil, Mexicans, Evolution
•    Favorite Restaurant: Arby’s, The Olive Garden, Dairy Queen, Spago
•    Favorite Sport: NASCAR, Noodling, Wrasslin’, Horseplay
•    Favorite Tattoo: ‘Mom’, Arm Band, Tramp Stamp, Tribal
•    Favorite Religion: Baptist, Methodist, Jesusism, NASCAR
•    Favorite Footwear: Socks, Tube Socks, Aqua Socks, Birkenstocks
•    Favorite Dessert: Ice Cream, Snickers, Toothpaste, Domestic Violence
•    Favorite Actress: Pamela Anderson, Carmen Electra, Jenna Jameson, That Black Chick
•    Favorite Neckwear: Scarf, Ascot, T-Shirt, Hickies
•    Favorite Foreigner: David Beckham, Borat, 50 Cent, A-Rod
•    Favorite Steak: Sirloin, Salisbury, Chicken-Fried, Tube
•    Favorite TV Personality: Jeff Foxworthy, Donald Trump, Ronald McDonald, Hitler
•    Favorite Facial Hair: Goatee, Soul Patch, Chinstrap, Neck Beard
•    Favorite Statutory Rape Rationalization: “If She’s Old Enough to Bleed, She’s Old Enough to Breed,” “If There’s Grass on the Field, Play Ball,” “If She’s Tall Enough to Reach the Mailbox, She’s Old Enough to Get the Package,” “Shit Happens.”
•    Favorite Child Name: Connor, Cody, Cooder, Shitferbrains
•    Favorite Hairstyle (Male): Mullet, Bowl Cut, ‘Bama Bangs, Sox Hat
•    Favorite Hairstyle (Female): Jersey Girl, Fe-Mullet, Power Bangs, Sox Hat
•    Favorite Contraction: Ain’t, Y’all, Wadn’t, Mu’Fucker
•    Favorite Snack: Bugles, Pork Rinds, Cigarettes, Hot Pockets

And, since this is People’s Choice, feel free to submit your own! 

User Submitted:

Favorite Birth Defects: Webbed Feet, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, Club Feet, Freckles
Favorite Place to Beat Your Kids: Butt, Face and Neck Area, Right Thur in the Middle a the Goddamned Wal-Mart in Front a the Manager and Everbuddy