The newest Avatar trailer hit theaters last night and now I have a copy of it because I’m a powerful sorcerer.  It’s not the first trailer, obviously, but it gives you a much greater sense of what the plot of the movie will be — the short version is: something something something, PTERODACTYLS VS. HELICOPTERS!  Slightly less short version: Sam Worthington and the other soldiers have to go to Pandora and kill all the dirty savages there so the government can have their diamonds.  Then, maybe in a hundred years or so, the Na’avi will be allowed to drink a lot and own casinos.  C’est la vie.

Also, I kinda wish the general’s speech at the beginning was more like, “Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to Pandora.  With the help of our guns, we will make Pandora show her box to us.  Then we will pound Pandora’s box.  We will pound her box mercilessly until she agrees to give up the sweet, sweet diamonds inside.” I say a version of that to all my dates while the music from Patton plays.

[video via JoBlo, pictures via Movieweb - more pictures available there]

When you buy bootleg DVDs in foreign countries (or in New York, for that matter), you never really know what you’re going to get.  Especially when it comes to things like subtitles, synopses, and DVD jacket copy.  Bootleggers pretty much grab whatever they have access to, and when they don’t speak English… well, this happens.  It’s from the back of a Year One DVD that a friend of mine who’s stationed in Iraq recently bought.  Here’s the text:

Jack Black and Michael Cera playing themselves, yeah, where was that even considered funny? Now I absolutely adore these actors, Michael was a great choice in Superbad and Juno and Jack Black has proved he can do great comedy like Tropic Thunder and a good dramatic role like King Kong, even a more calm character like he played in The Holiday. But the main problem? They have no chemistry! You have this wild outgoing maniac who is eating poop(eeeew!) and the calm awkward overly shy nerd who pees on himself(eeew!) and what do you have? Every elementary school joke that could be put into a movie, Year One could have been written by a five year old and proves that top list actors will do anything for those millions that they make.

That’s right, the copy they used to sell a movie not only came from an IMDB user review, but an extremely negative one that rated it a 1 out of 10. It was written by “kristinedrama14″, who I’m guessing is in high school.  And they left out some of the best parts of the review.  The last sentence:

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Some new Dark Knight posters are floating around the internet (see above and below), but I believe the original source was Omelete.  

The bootleg of the trailer (filmed on the infamous butt cam) has also made its way to YouTube – watch it now before it gets taken down (after the jump).  This one has a little more of the plot, with Heath Ledger’s Joker trying to rally the criminals of Gotham to kill Batman and Harvey Dent the new District Attorney trying to keep everything together with his ridiculously manly chin.  The non butt cam trailer comes out Sunday, and for the actual movie you’ll have to wait until July 18th.  

"You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain," Dent says, which seems to be the theme of the new trailer.  Personally, I don’t care so much about being a hero or a villain, I just want to live long enough to watch everyone else die so I can play with their stuff. -[Thanks to BGavin for the tip] 

I wasn’t going to post this because the quality sucks, but everyone keeps emailing it to me, so I guess you really want to see it.

Anyway, this is a bootleg of the full-length X-Files 2 trailer (out July 25th).  It’s all quick-cuts and doesn’t show anything, and the quality’s about as good as an ultrasound video.  If we can draw any conclusions from this, it’s that, X-Files 2 was shot on location inside Sculley’s womb.  You heard it here first, folks.  Oh crap, I forgot to say spoiler alert.