20th Century Fox just released this new, extended trailer for Knight and Day, and it’s 3-minutes of star-studded, heart-pounding, bullfighting, butt-clenching, glib-mugging, motorcycle-riding, ;lkjad;lajkfsuiikh9y823908op… …….  Crap, sorry, I must’ve fallen asleep for a second there.  Anyway, if I take anything from this trailer, it’s that Cameron Diaz’s character’s name is “June.”

“June? You need to come with us, June.  Oh hey, June.  June.  June?  Look out June! June; June?!  Just a second while I fight this bull, June.  June.”

Bang bang car chase one-liner SPLOOGE

Well it must be your lucky day, because we’ve got a new trailer for M. Night Shyamalan’s The Last Airbender.  It’s about some kid who’s the last heir to a once powerful order like Star Wars, who’s humanity’s only hope against an evil force like The Matrix.  He’s born with ancient markings on his skin like Waterworld, and if he can unite the other elements like Captain Planet and the Fifth Element, he might be able to deliver the world from evil like Lord of the Rings.  I’ve got two fingers crossed and the other eight up my ass.  My sources tell me that as soon as the makeup artist was finished painting tattoos on star Noah Ringer, he was dodging inappropriate advances from Sandra Bullock’s husband.  Haha, good one, Jay!

(I felt this banner pic was as accurate as any.)

Lakeshore Entertainment just greenlit a film adaptation of the not-yet-released graphic novel, I, Frankenstein.  Finally, someone updated Frankenstein for a contemporary audience!  And by that I mean turned it into every sh*tty graphic novel movie ever — GRR, TAPOUT SHIRTS AND JÄGER BOMBS!!

The contemporary fantasy thriller tells the story of the original monster of Victor Frankenstein, who “stands between the human race and an uprising of supernatural creatures determined to overthrow the world.” [via /Film]

*cough* Hellboy! *cough, cough* Blade! *cough* Van Helsing! *cough* Legion! *cough* Constantine! *cough* Little Nicky! *cough* Oh God I’m actually choking now!

But don’t worry, I’m sure it’ll be really good because it’s got the director of Underworld: Rise of the Lycans. I could see if this was a famous graphic novel, but as of now it’s just an unreleased graphic novel.  And unreleased is where it should stay, along with the blue-ball jizz that rots in your abdomen.  (note: this statement may not be “medically accurate”)

The word around the campfire recently was that director Paul Greengrass had left the Bourne franchise, which was a shame considering he’d made only two Bourne sequels and one movie that looks exactly like Bourne.  Someone recently asked Matt Damon about it, and he had some shocking news.

“There’ll probably be a prequel of some kind with another actor and another director before we do another one,” he said, “just because I think we’re probably another five years away from doing it – we’ve got to get a script…” [Empire]

You heard it here, folks, Matt Damon thinks there’ll be a reboot. But he doesn’t really know.  It’ll probably be hard to tell anyway with these boring ass movies.  At this point they should just shoot the sequel with Damon’s part played by Tyler Perry in drag, just to see if anyone’s still paying attention.  Here, I think I found an early sneak peek at the next Bourne movie.

I was sitting here trying to figure out why it is that I’m not excited about a new Tron movie like the other nerds, and the best I could come up with is that it looks like if a crotch rocket biker gang put glow sticks all over their bodies.  Oh boy, it’s like house music for my eyes.

TRON: LEGACY is a 3D high-tech adventure set in a digital world that’s unlike anything ever captured on the big screen. Sam Flynn (GARRETT HEDLUND), the tech-savvy 27-year-old son of Kevin Flynn (JEFF BRIDGES), looks into his father’s disappearance and finds himself pulled into the digital world of Tron where his father has been living for 25 years. Along with Kevin’s loyal confidant Quorra (OLIVIA WILDE), father and son embark on a life-and-death journey of escape across a visually-stunning cyber universe that has become far more advanced and exceedingly dangerous.

Ooh, motorcycles that light up and race around the inside of a computer.  Blow me.

[FilmSchoolRejects]