It’s official: Ian McKellen, Andy Serkis (Gollum), Elijah Wood, and Cate Blanchett are all returning for Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit, scheduled to commence shooting next month in New Zealand, the festering pus fart of the south seas.

More actors are expected to sign on for the two-part [ugh] Peter Jackson film in the near future, including Christopher Lee as Saruman and Ian Holm as an older Bilbo Baggins. [ComingSoon]

Oh joy, six more hours of hobbitry.  That damned kiwi must’ve seen its shadow.  Anyway, Wood and Blanchett will reprise their roles as Frodo and Galadriel, respectively, this despite neither character appearing in the book.  I can only hope the Tolkienites have someone like Red Shirt Guy who can give Peter Jackson a DRESSING DOWN MOST THOROUGH at the next LARP convention.

Reprising her role as Frodo Saggins?  You guessed it, your mom.

In Drive Angry, Nic Cage breaks out of hell to save his daughter from being sacrificed by a satanic cult.  You’d think if he was already in hell, his daughter being ritualistically sacrificed would only bring them back together, but it looks like he’s going to drive around shooting people and smoking cigars and not looking at explosions anyway.  It comes from the director of My Bloody Valentine and a writer who swears he’s never seen The Crow, Hellboy, Ghost Rider, Spawn… Oh, and it’s in THREE-D!  My gosh, I can practically touch the lazy screenwriting!

What’d this take to write, six? Seven minutes? This looks like a spoof before they add the jokes.

[poster via ShocktillYoudrop] Read the rest of this entry »

Here we have the trailer for David Schwimmer’s (yes, Ross from Friends) sophomore effort as a director, Trust, which will play the Toronto Film Festival next month.  I’m one of the few avowed Schwimmer defenders around (I think he’s a solid actor, sue me), but even with a script from Michael Ian Black and Simon Pegg, Run Fatboy Run was about as lame and generic as they come.  Schwimmer’s latest is about an online predator, and while I expect this kind of torn-from-the-headlines queef party from Dateline NBC or Law and Order: Juggalo Perverts Unit Kalamazoo, it’s not quite what I look for in a feature.  In fact, if you just watch this six seconds of it, it looks like a Brinks home security commercial:

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Today we have the first trailer for Paranormal Activity 2.  I never saw the first one, because… I don’t know, sh*t looked boring.  If I wanted to watch surveillance cam footage, I would’ve stayed awake more when I was a security guard.  Anyway, this one looks even scarier than the first.  Allow me to summarize. At 1:41 am, there’s a baby and a dog staring at a bathroom.  Two hours later, there’s a lady in the bathroom doorway.  BUT WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BABY AND THE DOG??!!??  THIS HOUSE IS POSSESSED BY THE DEVIL!!!!

(*draws pentagram on forehead in goat’s blood, dives out the window*)

I can feel it, you guys, I think this is the year Dreamworks finally catches up with Pixar.  Attach a stupid cotton thing to my pen, Hollywood Reporter:

The Good Luck Trolls, with their frizzy, pastel-colored hair, are coming to the big screen via DreamWorks Animation. The company behind the “Shrek” franchise said Tuesday it has pacted with Denmark’s Dam Things, which controls the toy line, to develop an animated feature. Siblings Adam Wilson and Melanie Wilson LaBracio will write the screenplay.

Touché, Dreamworks, touché.  Capitalizing on a current trend like Troll dolls is going to be a tough act to follow.  Your move, Pixar.  I can see it now, Pixar’s The Pog That Pokémoned, coming soon to 3D and slap bracelet.