Opening this weekend:
Body of Lies: Russell Crowe and Leo try to fight the war on terror with their pants on fire. If nothing else, you’ll be able to hear a new Guns n Roses song. It’s apropos that Axl Rose would be affiliated with something called “Body of Lies” considering he looks like a middle-aged lesbian these days. Still, the magic is gone since I heard they cut Russell Crowe’s hilarious zinger about Greek women.
City of Ember: I’m boycotting anything with that chick from Atonement in it.
The Express: Heartwarming story of triumph based on the life of the first black Heisman Trophy winner. Hey, you know he gets leukemia and dies before he ever makes it to the pros, right? What kind of f-cked up shit is that? “Hey kids, you can achieve anything you put your mind to. Also, your heart might stop or your dick might rot off for no reason one day. Life’s a trip, huh?”
Quarantine: I feel like I’ve already seen this movie nine times and have always wanted my money back afterwards. But it’s a Screen Gems production so I’m sure it will be great, he said as he made an exaggerated wanking gesture.
Rocknrolla: Guy Ritchie’s new film - in limited release this weekend, expanding to wide October 31st. It’s getting largely mixed reviews. What do you expect when Jason Statham’s not in it? A Guy Ritchie movie without the Stath’ is like a child without laughter.
“So anyway, Brassky’s bow-hunting for wild boar in the jungles of Indonesia…”
As Russell Crowe told Letterman last night, he wanted to show how funny he could be on the set of Body of Lies. So he ad-libbed “my favorite line I ever delivered in a movie.”
“I swear to God, I didn’t know where this came from,” Crowe told Letterman, “but I’m standing there, and Leonardo says, ‘How was your flight?’ and I said, ‘I watched that Poseidon.’ And he said ‘How was it?’ And I said, ‘It was like watching a Greek girl get a bikini wax. I had no idea when it was going to end.’ ” [...]
“But that didn’t make the taste level of Warner Bros movies,” Crowe complained. [via DHD]
Russell Crowe’s favorite line ever, cinematic history, ruined by some shrivs at WB. It’s we the moviegoers who suffer. Why, just imagine if we’d been denied Humphrey Bogart’s line about tossing a Puerto Rican’s salad, or Rock Hudson’s zinger about teabagging an Armenian.
Birthday Dog just wants to fit in
Rolling Stone is reporting that Body of Lies, the DiCaprio-Russell Crowe joint opening October 10th, will feature “If the World”, a song off decades-in-the-making Guns N Roses album Chinese Democracy.
The track features the guitar work of Gn’R guitarist Robin Finck, as well as Buckethead, who left the band in 2004. The song plays during the closing credits of the movie, but it won’t appear on the soundtrack album. It will be the second official release of a Chinese Democracy track, as “Shackler’s Revenge” is included in the new Rock Band 2 game. A source has told Rolling Stone that Guns n’ Roses has reserved a November 25th date for the possible release of the album, which will be a Best Buy exclusive.
Yeah, don’t hold your breath. For his part, Axl Rose held a press conference saying, “I’m very proud of the new album, and I’m happy one of our songs could be included in Body of Lie ayayayayayayiees, k-k-kies, k-k-k-k-kies, oh yeeeaaaeaayeaah ah yeaaah ah yeeaah,” before diving into the crowd to punch out a woman who’d taken his picture.
The poster for Body of Lies came out today. A have the full version after the jump. Mostly, it begs the question of what looks worse, Leo’s totem pole head or his creepy octopus hand. Hands off ladies, that’s a wedding band. I think.
The second trailer for Body of Lies just hit the web. Directed by Ridley Scott and starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Russell Crowe, people are already calling it the Gladiator of Syriana ripoffs. Okay, I made that up. Looks pretty good though. I love Russell Crowe, he’s like a big surly teddy bear.
