Harrison Ford's new posse

People wonder why I hate writing up Ridley Scott stories so much, and the answer is that there’s a new one every three days and they almost never come true. Back in August it came out that Ridley Scott had signed on to direct a Blade Runner reboot for the giant black guy and tiny white man who make up Alcon Entertainment. At the time, it was considered a completely new take on Blade Runner, whatever the hell that means. I don’t know how you remake a movie with the original director and plan for it to be completely different, but whatever. Well now Twitch says that Harrison Ford is close to a deal to join the cast, though they don’t say in what capacity. The Blade Runner reboot was expected to be Scott’s next project after Prometheus, but keep in mind it was just Friday that Deadline was reporting the “strong possibility” that Scott would direct Cormac McCarthy’s The Counselor next. All I can gather is that this guy talks out of his ass more than a coked-up club promoter. A waterpark-themed nacho bar made entirely out of cowboy hats? GREAT IDEA, BRO! NO SERIOUSLY WE’RE TOTALLY DOING IT!

Twitch has learned that Harrison Ford has entered into early talks to join the new Blade Runner. While this is still very early stages and it is quite possible that things won’t work out the obvious implication is that what we are looking at is not a reboot but a direct sequel to the original.

Yeah, or maybe it WILL be a reboot, and Harrison Ford will play the same character, but every few minutes or so he’ll accidentally call someone “Chewy” then wink at the camera and take a sip of Pepsi. More news as it develops.

Back in March, I brought you the news that black giant Broderick Johnson and white midget Andrew Kosove from Alcon Entertainment were planning to make a new Blade Runner movie. Today, Deadline reports that original Blade Runner director Ridley Scott has signed on to direct and produce, once he finishes Prometheus, his Alien prequel for Fox. Well, it’s nice to see that Sir Ridley isn’t just coasting by on his past successes. Hey, has anyone remade Gladiator yet?

I’m not getting a clear sense at this point whether Scott intends to do a sequel or a prequel to the 1982 film that was loosely based on the Philip K. Dick novel Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? The original took place in dystopian Los Angeles in 2019, in which organic superhuman robots called replicants escaped and are hiding somewhere on earth.  Ford played Richard Deckard, a burnt out blade runner assigned to hunt them down. His tired life gets altered when he himself falls for one of the replicants and struggles to keep her from being destroyed.

This is just the first step and the project will have to be written and it will likely evolve during that process. That’s what happened on Alien, which began as a prequel to his 1979 classic. That changed when Lost‘s Damon Lindelof came in with a different take on the subject matter that imprinted on Scott and Fox  executives. [HOW 'BOUT IT ALSO HAS COWBOYS???] They wound up making Prometheus, which Fox considers an original but which I’ve heard is a cousin to the original Alien franchise. That film will be released June 8, 2012, with Charlize Theron, Michael Fassbender, Noomi Rapace, Patrick Wilson, Idris Elba and Guy Pearce starring. [Deadline]

Yeeeeah… I’ll believe it when I see it. I can’t even count the number of projects Ridley Scott has supposedly been attached to in the last three or four years. Here‘s a story about him being attached to a Cold War drama called Reykjavik. Here‘s him attached to Call of Duty Elite. Here‘s his “Blade Runner of Monopoly movies”. Here‘s him discussing adapting Cormac McCarthy’s Blood Meridien. Here‘s the Brave New World movie he was supposedly producing. Here‘s a vampire movie he was supposedly going to direct. Here‘s a list of nine other projects he was supposedly attached to at some point. And that’s if he ever finishes that sequel to his Robin Hood origin story that everyone’s been clamoring for. This guy talks about stuff he’ll never do more than Tarantino on a coke binge, and all of it seems to be a readaptation, reimagination, sequel, spiritual cousin, gritty reboot, or 300-style prequel of some sh*t he already made 20 years ago. Call me when he starts filming Broderick Johnson chasing Andrew Kosove around the room with an oversized mallet while Kosove spills acorns from his overfilled pockets, otherwise I don’t care.

Today’s announcement of a Blade Runner remake is probably going to be the nerd-rage story of the day, but I’m having trouble mustering the requisite outrage.  I’m just surprised it hadn’t happened earlier.  Much more recent Philip K. Dick remakes have already been announced (like Total Recall with Colin Farrell), and with producers constantly making comparisons like “the Blade Runner of Monopoly movies” (I’m not making this up, though I wish I was), this was inevitable. INEVITABLE, I SAY!

The production company behind the Sandra Bullock hit “The Blind Side” is looking to bring the world of “Blade Runner” back to the big screen. Alcon Entertainment is in final negotiations to acquire the prequel and sequel rights from Bud Yorkin, who was an executive producer on the original film.

The 1982 cult classic, directed by Ridley Scott and starring Harrison Ford, was set in a future where man has created clones called replicants who are used for dangerous work. When they rebel on a space colony, replicants are banned and hunted down.

“This is a major acquisition for our company, and a personal favorite film for both of us,” Alcon principals Andrew Kosove and Broderick Johnson said in a statement. [THR]

Blah blah shrugwank.  As it would turn out, my favorite part of this entire story was the accompanying picture of producers Kosove and Johnson:

Forget Blade Runner, I want to hear more about this, the heartwarming, real-life story of an ogre’s unlikely friendship with a jockey.  With the ogre’s size and the jockey’s nimble, clever hands, they form the perfect team on a quest for the village’s tastiest apples.

When a studio flack called something “Lord of the Flies meets Children of Men” last week, I thought the search for the world’s lamest shorthand pitch was over.  Today we have a new contestant.

The Hasbro-Universal collaboration “Monopoly” is jumping a large number of spaces up the board.

Ridley Scott, who has been attached as a producer and has been mentioned as a possible director, is now officially attached to helm the project, with an eye toward giving it a futuristic sheen along the lines of his iconic “Blade Runner.” [THR]

New York, 2087.  Frank “Dutch” McGarnicle is a lonely private dick whose three whiskeys before breakfast can’t replace the three kids he hasn’t seen in years or the wife who ran off with a Zhoran.  Sent to find a robot hooker shaped like a shoe with a nasty neurofen habit, he suddenly finds himself trespassing on Park Place, the prized possession of the Tyrell corporation.  Tangled in a web of deceit and intrigue, he’s on the run and he knows they want more than rent, they want… his eyes.