Here’s Black Eye Peas founder and Wolverine cast member Will.i.am, on his way to an arm-wrestling competition after a long day working on the docks (I assume).  He recently did an interview with Elle, where he discussed his Terrence Howard-esque love of baby wipes:

Another pet peeve is wet sinks.

ELLE: Wet sinks?
W: Yeah, like a wet sink. You don’t wipe the sink after you use it? Dry it off! And if she’s got only dry toilet paper and no baby wipes next to the toilet. You ain’t got no baby wipes?

ELLE: I’ve heard about this particular deal breaker before. Why is that a big deal to you?
W: Here’s proof on why people should have baby wipes. Get some chocolate, wipe it on a wooden floor, and then try to get it up with some dry towels. You’re going to get chocolate in the cracks. That’s why you gotta get them baby wipes. [Elle]

You heard it here, folks, Will.i.am poops chocolate.  I like to imagine Will.i.am trekking up a tall, fog-shrouded mountain in the Tibetan highlands, seeking the legendary wisdom of Sheik Terrence Howard, who would eventually validates the pilgrimage by recounting the parable of the chocolate on the hardwood floor.

“I’ve come seeking guidance, Sensei. Can you teach me how to get the women to use the baby wipes?”

“Of course, William-san.  But first, you clean chocolate off floor.”

“But, Sensei, how does cleaning chocolate off the floor teach–”

“Wax on, wax off.”

“…you are most wise, Sensei.”

Valentine’s Day.  Man.  This trailer.  I’m going to cover this in bullet-point form to keep me from using real ones:

• Voice over from Ashton Kutcher
• Black Eyed Peas song (We’re goin out!  Let’s live it up!  This movie sucks!  Mazel tov!)
• Horny old people
• Well-dressed little kid in love
• A guy named Taylor kissing a girl named Taylor
• McDreamy
• Jessica Alba blonde
• Anne Hathway kissing Topher Grace
• “A day in the life of love.”

Hey, Valentine’s Day, let’s never hang out.

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_{Wolverine is Homophobic Turtle’s favorite character.}

After the jump, I’ve got the brand new trailer for X-Men Origins: Wolverine, with lots more footage of Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool, Taylor Kitsch as Gambit, and… uh… Will.i.am (I want to disembowel someone with a claw hammer every time I have to type that stupid f-cking faggity name) as John Wraithe/Kestrel/some kind of black, gay cowboy.  Needless to say, I don’t have high hopes for this movie.  For one thing, it’s a Fox movie and Fox’s execs breastfed lead paint as children (how else do you explain this poster?).  For another, it’s got a goddamned Black Eyed Pea in it.  AGAIN.  Having a Black Eyed Pea in your movie is the unwanted gay advance of death. What idiot thinks this is a good idea?  The comic book crowd is guaranteed to hate it, and Black Eye Peas fans aren’t showing up in droves to watch their favorite singer pretend to be someone else.  I like the Misfits, doesn’t mean I want to watch Glenn Danzig play Thor.  (though that actually might be kind of awesome.)

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The more I look at these pictures, the better idea it seems casting a Blacked Eyed Pea as Vega in the Street Fighter movie.  He just looks like such a natural.  He calls himself “Taboo.”  Because he’s dangerous, you see. And his love is forbidden.

Oh, and might I add… HAIRDOUKEN!

[Taboo via Wooha, Hairdouken sent in by Pauly, not sure where he got it]

A new batch of pictures from Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li has hit the web.  It’s probably going to suck a lot because there’s a guy from the Black Eyed Peas in it. 

In this picture, I believe Michael Clarke Duncan (as Balrog) is saying, "Motherf*cker, what part of ‘mine-o, not yours-o’ don’t you understand?" or possibly, "Don’t you ever touch a black man’s Quizno’s flatbread Sammie!"

[Source]