(“IS YOUR DAUGHTER’S ROOM THIS WAY?”)

THE BOX OFFICE WIPE UP, OCTOBER 26, 2009
In a surprise move, today’s box office estimates reveal that horror movie fans may have a brain, as Paranormal Activity outgrossed Saw VI by seven million dollars.  I normally wouldn’t root for a movie grown-ass men are trying to say is haunted, but it’s pretty easy to root against Saw VI.  At least now we know that, if provided a decent alternative, you sick freaks that absolutely need horror movies will avoid the blatantly mass-produced ones.  This was the worst opening for a Saw movie since Saw I.

Where the Wild Things Are fell a surprising 56% from its opening weekend and looks to have a tough time recouping its $100 million budget.  Where were you at this weekend, marketing slugs?  Notice how they always take credit for success but never failure?

Wild Things rustled up an estimated $14.4 million, lifting its total to $54 million in ten days, but its drop was much steeper than Bridge to Terabithia and other similar titles. [BoxOfficeMojo]

Tough luck, WTWTA.  But take solace in the fact that you made a movie unique enough that the best comparison industry analysts could come up with was f-cking Bridge to Terabithia.  That’s gotta be a victory of some sort.

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(Hot damn, now that’s what I call a wild rumpus.)

Opening this weekend (trailers after the jump)

Where the Wild Things Are
Holy hell, am I hallucinating?  Is this movie actually finally coming out?  Excuse me while I jizz sperms of happiness.  It’s getting sort of mixed reviews, but most of the negative ones seem to be coming from a-holes I never agree with anyway, like Lou Lumenick and Mick LaSalle (this guy liked First Knight and trashed Braveheart, yet still has a job).  I won’t get to see it until probably Monday and I don’t want to be a bandwagon jumper, but with Spike Jonze, I say it’s awesome until proven otherwise.  I can’t wait.

Black Dynamite
Another one from the hell-yeah-it’s-about-freakin-time files. Though I still think the ending is dumb, aside from that it’s the best parody movie I’ve seen since the Naked Guns.  Michael Jai White is amazing.  In Obama’s America, I just know black kids are going to be leaving the theater cheering “Right on, right on, right on.”

Paranormal Activity
Expanding wide because of near-universally good reviews, will be easily the most profitable film of the year.  Why can’t this happen more often?  Instead we usually get Couples Retreat, which everyone knew was bad from the beginning.

Law Abiding Citizen
If Jamie Foxx and Gerard Butler are in a movie together and it was good, don’t you think we’d have heard a lot more about it?  These people have seen it.  I probably won’t.

The Stepfather
Ooh, a horror movie remake, this would be really exciting if I was 13.  And a dumbass.

New York, I Love You
Oh boy, twelve filmmakers, one of whom is Brett Ratner, direct a love letter to the city that never stops bragging about itself.  I imagine I’ll hate this as much as I hate people who say “only in New York!”, as much as I hated people in San Diego bragging about the weather.  You people realize they say “only in ____” in every GD city, right?  Except Irvine.  Read the rest of this entry »

I saw an early version of Black Dynamite, and though the last half sorta sucked, I’d still recommend it because the first half is the best spoof since Naked Gun or Airplane!. And because they sent me this t-shirt and novelty pen shaped like a syringe.  My love of free t-shirts aside, they’ve had such an awesome marketing campaign that it’ll almost be a shame when the movie comes out next month, especially for all my cats, who lose their appetite when I walk around shirtless.  Anyway, here’s some new clips from the “Fight Smack in the Orphanage” campaign, plus the new trailer below (which I wouldn’t recommend watching unless you want some of the best lines ruined).  If Michael Jai White doesn’t become the next big star from this, I’m going to Karate chop three gingers a day, chosen at random, until Hollywood complies with my demands.  *menacingly ties drawstring on sweatpants*

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It was probably a little unfair of me to skip all the good stuff David Carradine did and go straight to the ropes-tied-around-the-genitals-in-Bangkok jokes.  As penance, here’s a deleted scene from Kill Bill in which Carradine has an awesome sword fight with Michael Jai White, aka Black Dynamite.  White’s scenes got cut from Kill Bill, probably because he tried to talk like The Stath the whole time.  “Oi, todaiy’s da day you doy, donnit.  Now ‘and me moy sword, ya worfless cunts.”

…Wow, this whole “tribute post” idea got away from me pretty fast, didn’t it.  Anyway, R.I.P., homey.  (*pours out some KY on the ground*)
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There’s not much about my job I enjoy more than posting new clips from Black Dynamite (see also: here, here, and here).  It opens at the Tribeca fest today, and for everyone else on September 4th.  The above clip is called “Dojo Fight” and I’ve got a couple more clips after the jump, and still more over at Twitch. I finagled an early cut of the film, and the for the first 40 minutes it’s one of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen.  The last 20, unfortunately, is nearly unwatchable, so I hope they’ve done something about it since then.  Speaking of endings, I’m currently working on a remake of Citizane Kane starring Vin Diesel, called Big Daddy Kane.  SPOILER ALERT: Rosebud’s a barracuda.
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