You’re not in Connecticut anymore, kemosabro
The newest trailer for Jerry Bruckheimer’s $250 million-plus Lone Ranger movie is now online (embedded below), and while the first trailer focused almost solely on Johnny Depp’s bird-hat Tonto, the new one gives us much more of Lone Ranger Armie Hammer, the only actor WASPy enough to make Johnny Depp look ethnic by comparison. He wakes up on a giant platform atop a mountain in the desert, because Indians had lots of time for cinematic crap like that, and there he meets Tonto, who knows the Lone Ranger will be a great warrior because the Lone Ranger’s horse told him so. Two key points to remember in this one: Tonto can talk to horses, and Silver is a psychic horse. Tonto and LR decide to “ride for justice” and Armie puts on a mask, and Helena Bonham Carter shows up and she doesn’t even have her obnoxious rat’s nest hair for once, and then there’s some shooting and trailer music. But riddle me this, kemoslobber, why can’t Johnny Depp decide whether to use definite articles? Either say “the” or don’t, man, no one wants to see half a stereotype.
