Superman and Spider-Man are British now, but if you think the good ol’ US of A is going to take usurpation like that lying down, you’re wrong. That’s why we sent Meryl Streep over to England to steal the role of Margaret Thatcher, the stiffest of stiff upper lips and the model for Mrs. Doubtfire (maybe!). And just to make sure those goddamned dirty stinking tea-totellers never try something like this again, we made the movie extra super duper mega boring by slathering every inch of film stock in oatmeal and dyeing it extra beige. Can you imagine fast-forwarding through scenes about proper elocution lessons (King’s Speech much?) to get to the F*CKING FALKLANDS WAR? This makes Ken Burns look like Michael Bay.

USA! USA! USA!

"Raise the roof, my niggas, I got computer mice on my coat."

[via Buzzsugar]

Various versions of a Linda Lovelace biopic have been flouncing around town for years, including one version that was to star Lindsay Lohan (and was thus doomed from the outset) and another one that was set to star James Franco and Kate Hudson. Whatever discussions with Franco and Hudson that were going on have apparently since fallen through — I imagine a producer pulled the plug after he actually saw a picture of Kate Hudson — because now the same project, from Howl directors Rob Epstein and Jeffrey Friedman, is in talks with Amanda Seyfried and Peter Sarsgaard. “Hitler Youth Goes Porno,” they could call it. Hey, that’d be a great idea for a porno.

[from Variety]
W. Merritt Johnson and Andy Bellin wrote the script [for "Lovelace"], which is based on Eric Danville’s book “The Complete Linda Lovelace.”
Peter Sarsgaard, who was last seen as the villain in “Green Lantern,” is in early talks to portray Lovelace’s pornographer husband Chuck Traynor.
Lovelace is the infamous star of the 1972 porn flick “Deep Throat,” which is one of the highest-grossing independent films of all time. She was just a Florida schoolgirl named Linda Boreman when she met Traynor, a would-be filmmaker who transformed her into a world-famous sex star.
After years of being victimized, Lovelace quit the business and divorced Traynor, who she accused of taking advantage of her naivete and coercing her into porn and prostitution.

“Lovelace” is expected to start production in January, the same month that helmer Matthew Wilder’s rival project, “Inferno,” is slated to go before cameras [the one that was supposed to star Lindsay Lohan at on point. -Ed]. Based on Lovelace’s autobiography “Ordeal,” [Laziest. Memoir title. Ever.] film stars Malin Akerman and Matt Dillon as Lovelace and Traynor, as well as Paz de la Huerta in a supporting role. [Ooh, I wonder if she'll get naked.]

Amanda Seyfried is almost as weird a casting choice as Kate Hudson. Lindsay Lohan at least had the looking-like-a-freckly-slut-who-smokes-a-lot part down. Seyfried could definitely pull off “wide-eyed schoolgirl,” but probably not in that the way that they mean.

After the jump, Meryl Streep rocks her best Blue Steel as Margaret Thatcher in The Iron Lady. I don’t know much about history, but it seems like Iron Mike would’ve kicked her ass.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, broads just don’t have the upper-body strength. Anyway, blah blah pearls, accents, hats, a stiff upper lip, the Falklands War — it’ll probably win an Oscar if it’s any good at all, because if there’s one thing Oscar voters love, it’s boring-ass old British farts politicking. OI, GUV, DE OL’ BIRD’S GOT A MASTAH’S TOUCH WIFF DA TORIES, SHE DOES, BUT IF DA MISSUS FANNY DON’T SNOG DA COMMON PUNTAHS, DA BARRISTAH WON’ FOX ‘UNT.

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Badgley, Buckley, Buckley, Badgely, Badgley... (*BRAIN ANEURYSM*)

I have a vague notion of who Jeff Buckley was (that headline was a drowning joke, get it?), but I’m not super familiar with his catalog. People being able to lord that over me is probably what makes him so cool.  And nothing says cool like a Hollywood biopic, right?  Well now TWO are in the works.  One is called Greetings from Tim Buckley, and it’s set to star Gossip Girl’s Penn Badgley, whose friends must’ve called him “Penn Vadgely” growing up or else missed a golden opportunity.

Smuggler Films announced today Penn Badgley will star in the much anticipated film Greetings from Tim Buckley. He will play Tim Buckley’s son Jeff in the first film to be made about the musicians.
Greetings from Tim Buckley was written by Dan Algrant, Emma Sheanshang and David Brendel and will be directed by Dan Algrant (People I Know, Naked in New York).
Greetings from Tim Buckley follows the true story of the days leading up to Jeff Buckley’s eminent 1991 performance at his father’s tribute concert in St. Ann’s Church. Through a romance with a young woman working at the concert, he comes to understand the father who abandoned him. Culminating in a cathartic performance of his father’s most famous songs, Jeff’s debut stuns the audience and launches his career as one of the greatest young musicians of his time. [Comingsoon]

Huh, well I know none of those people. At first when it said “People I Know” I didn’t realize it referred to a movie and thought the writers were literally acquaintances of the guy writing the press release. I’m still not convinced.  So what about the other Buckley project?

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This John Gotti biopic project, which always sounded more like some slimey producer’s wishful thinking passed off as reality over starlets and cocaine than an actual movie that was getting made, is really happening, at least if Variety is to be believed.  And Variety uses insidery slang like “thesps” and “helmer”, so I have no reason to doubt them.

Al Pacino has joined the cast of indie mob drama Gotti: Three Generations opposite John Travolta, Kelly Preston, Joe Pesci, and Lindsay Lohan.  Pacino will portray Gotti associate neil Dellacroce.  The film will be directed and rewritten by Barry Levinson — who replaced Nick Cassavetes last month — with additional writing by James Toback. Levinson and Toback teamed more than two decades ago on Bugsy.

Toback last directed the documentary Tyson, and is one of the great Hollywood blowhards, in the style of Robert Evans.

Preston will play Victoria DiGiorgio, the wife of John Gotti Sr. The couple’s daughter, Ella Bleu Travolta, will play the role of their daughter, Angel Gotti. Joe Pesci is on board as Gotti deputy Angelo Ruggiero and Lindsay Lohan will play Kim Gotti, the wife of John Gotti Jr. [Variety]

It was mostly the lack of any well-known directors or writers that caused everyone’s skepticism about this project, along with the fact that producers who use Lindsay Lohan for publicity don’t have a great track record. Toback and Levinson are certainly known, but Levinson’s recent track record… ain’t great. His last couple projects were the HBO movie starring Pacino as Jack Kevorkian and a 30 for 30 documentary, but in terms of features that actually opened in theaters, you have to go all the way back to What Just Happened in 2008,which was panned and largely unseen, as were his films Man of the Year, Envy, Bandits (it got 65% on RT, but trust me, it sucks)…  pretty much everything he’s directed since Wag the Dog, in 1997.  Long story short, this movie probably isn’t going to be good, but I get the feeling the making-of, with its intersection of opportunistic mob families, sleazy producers, washed-up Hollywood types, coke-addled starlets, and closeted homosexual Scientologists, would make for an awesome Elmore Leonard story.