Spike Lee and writer John Ridley have signed on to do an HBO biopic of Marion Barry, with Eddie Murphy attached to play Barry. No word on whether Murphy will also play Barry’s Jewish lawyer, his Italian limo driver, and his sassy, 400-pound secretary who constantly argue about boxing, but you’d think that’d be right in his wheelhouse.

Ridley is writing the script based on several pieces of source material, including the 1994 book Dream City by D.C. journalists Harry Jaffe and Tom Sherwood, who will serve as consultants. Lee is on board to direct. The two are executive producing with Murphy. HBO previously developed a Marion Barry biopic a decade ago with Jamie Foxx attached to star and Chris Rock to executive produce, but the project didn’t go forward. Barry, currently a member of the Council of the District Of Columbia, did two terms as a mayor of D.C., from 1979-91 and 1995-99, separated by a six-month stint in federal prison on drug charges that stems from a video of him smoking crack cocaine. [Deadline]

Barry got arrested with a prostitute in his hotel room and went from rising-star politician to prisoner back to mayor again and eventually to City Council. Which sort of mirrors Eddie Murphy’s career path as he went from hot young comedian, then got arrested with a tranny in his car and made Holy Man and Pluto Nash, then starred in The Nutty Professor and Dr. Doolittle on his comeback tour, and eventually ended up in a Brett Ratner film, the movie equivalent of the DC City Council. (I assume the DC Council gets to eat shrimp cocktail at all the official functions).

The newest trailer for The Iron Lady was just released today, and HOLY HELL, this is a joke, right? Tell me this is a parody of boring biopics. I got five seconds in. FIVE SECONDS, before I wanted to puke. Right from the first words of the very first voiceover set to tinkly piano music and grey flashback b-roll.

“I will never be one of those women who stays silent on the arm of her husband! One’s life must matter, Dennis!”

“That’s why I want to marry you, my dear.”

NO ONE ON EARTH HAS EVER TALKED LIKE THAT. EVER. Not even in England do people wax poetic about “one’s life” when they talk to their boyfriends, and dramatically punctuate their statements with the person’s name. In real life, people don’t constantly say each other’s names unless they’re on walkie-talkies. Stop doing that.

‘She was an outsider. She was a rebel.’

MARGARET THATCHER?!?! We’re still talking about Margaret f*cking Thatcher here, right? Because for a second there, I kept expecting someone to screech up in the General Lee.

“With all duuuue respect, sir, I HAVE done battle. Ev-ray SINGLE day of my life.”

OH SNAP, SON! SHE BEEN STRANGLIN’ PATRIARCHAL OPPRESSION WITH HER PEARLS AND DROWNING GENDER ROLES IN HEAPS OF PANT SUITS, YOU BETTER ASK SOMEBOOOODDAAAAAY…

Let me see if I can summarize: A childhood dream, a physical challenge, a lifelong friendship, war, redemption… Yep, that’s every dramatic beat of every boring biopic ever. Only this one’s not about Johnny Cash, it’s about MARGARET THATCHER. And the big climactic war is THE F*CKING FALKLANDS (sorry, Argentino, I mean the Malvinas). This is not a movie, it’s a model train. Weinstein seriously moved this to December thinking it’s going to win awards? Because this looks like the Daredevil of biopics. I would rather watch the new Three Stooges movie six times than this.

Steven Spielberg is busy shooting Lincoln in Virginia, and while I thought the guy from Bill and Ted made an excellent Abraham Lincoln, I guess Oscar-winning  super actor Daniel Day-Lewis is an okay choice too. In the mid 90s, Lewis trained with boxing champ Barry McGuigan twice a day, seven days a week for three years before starring in The Boxer. For The Crucible, he built his character’s house himself using 17th century tools. While it’s highly likely that he’s completely batsh*t insane, you can’t say his process isn’t effective (Bill the Butcher tapping a knife against his metal eye melts my face off every time, as do half the scenes in There Will Be Blood). So, how method is he going with this one? (Also, dude. You know this character eventually gets shot in the head, right?)

Variety‘s Jeff Sneider recently revealed that Day-Lewis “hasn’t broken his Lincoln accent since March” and his “real name doesn’t even appear on the call sheet.” I’ve heard from other sources that it is indeed the high-pitched tone Lincoln is infamous for. [TheFilmStage]

That must be fun to live with. Meanwhile, Day-Lewis’s wife has promised that if he calls her “Mary Todd” one more time, she’s going to cram all four score and seven pieces of his “supper fixins” up his ass one by one.

[picture via Richmond.com]

If this feels like it isn’t the first time you’re hearing about Aaron Sorkin maybe possibly writing a Steve Jobs biopic, it’s because it isn’t. The news first hit last month, when Jobs’ corpse was still warm, when Sony paid a million dollars for Walter Isaacson’s Jobs biography. After that, Aaron Sorkin famously told Isaacson that “a million dollars isn’t cool.” Okay, not really, but word was, Sony wanted Aaron Sorkin to adapt Isaacson’s book, presumably because he did such great work on Sony’s boring-ass adaptation of Moneyball. Sorkin hasn’t officially agreed yet, but he recently told an audience that he’s “strongly considering it.” After that, I like to imagine the thick breeze from the entire audience dismissively wanking in unison was enough to fog up Sorkin’s smart-guy glasses.

“Sony has asked me to write the movie and it’s something I’m strongly considering,” Sorkin told E! Online on Monday, Nov. 21 at the P.S. Arts Express Yourself event. “Right now I’m just in the thinking-about-it stages,” he said. “It’s a really big movie and it’s going to be a great movie no matter who writes it.”

“It doesn’t matter who writes it, you could hire a beagle in a tux.” Anyway, this next part of Hollywood Reporter’s piece is neither here nor there, but holy sh*t, you guys.

Following the news of Sony’s acquisition, The Hollywood Reporter asked veteran casting director Sharon Bialy who could embody Jobs in his older and younger years. Her suggestions: Ashton Kutcher, Andrew Garfield or Shia LeBeouf for young Jobs, and Keanu Reeves, Ralf Fiennes or Noah Wyle for older Jobs. [THR]

Let’s just stop and think for a second and try to imagine the world’s foremost visionary computer innovator being portrayed by ASHTON KUTCHER AND KEANU REEVES. I’m glad they identified her as a “veteran casting director,” because I’m pretty sure you could ask a schizophrenic vagrant in the midst of a Thunderbird freakout and get a better answer than Ashton Kutcher and Keanu Reeves. It might not make sense, but it’d make more sense than that.

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Superman and Spider-Man are British now, but if you think the good ol’ US of A is going to take usurpation like that lying down, you’re wrong. That’s why we sent Meryl Streep over to England to steal the role of Margaret Thatcher, the stiffest of stiff upper lips and the model for Mrs. Doubtfire (maybe!). And just to make sure those goddamned dirty stinking tea-totellers never try something like this again, we made the movie extra super duper mega boring by slathering every inch of film stock in oatmeal and dyeing it extra beige. Can you imagine fast-forwarding through scenes about proper elocution lessons (King’s Speech much?) to get to the F*CKING FALKLANDS WAR? This makes Ken Burns look like Michael Bay.

USA! USA! USA!

"Raise the roof, my niggas, I got computer mice on my coat."

[via Buzzsugar]