One of the movies I’m most looking forward to this year is Michael Mann’s 30s gangster flick Public Enemies, starring Johnny Depp, Christian Bale, Billy Crudup and pretty much every hot dude ever.  I mean, I didn’t mean to imply that I was looking forward to it because of the hot dudes… I just meant I’m looking forward to it, and it also happens to have hot dudes. I don’t even know why I said that.  I think maybe there’s some subliminal shit going on with the poster.  You tricked me into staring at Johnny Depp’s crotch again, Satan!  Crap, I think I need to go re-watch Fireproof a few more times.

With Watchmen (FINALLY) opening this Friday, expect to suffer through the final crescendo of annoying marking bullshit.  NBC, for instance, has a Dr. Manhattan character trailer that’s nice, because it actually tells you something about the character rather than incorporating him into a fake Ovaltine ad from fictional 1967 (you have to watch it here).

“In the late 1950s, ordinary man Jon Osterman was ripped into particles in a science experiment gone horribly wrong. But his consciousness lived on, and he managed to reassemble himself as a true superhuman, a glowing blue model of physical perfection, able to see the future and alter matter all the way down to the subatomic level. His presence profoundly affects not just his fellow heroes, but also global scientific and geopolitical affairs. However, his growing detachment from humanity has frequently left him indifferent to the world and the people around him.”

Wow, he sounds a lot like me. Hey, did you guys know you’re all just figments of my imagination?  It’s true.  So next time something bad happens, don’t fret, it probably just taught me an important lesson.  (There are two more clips from the movie after the jump which I’m not watching)
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I’m about as sick of hearing about Watchmen as a person could be, but I have to admit blue condoms is kind of clever.

A source told WatchmenComicMovie.com that he and his friends were “handed a few of these Watchmen condoms in Columbus, Ohio over Valentine’s Day weekend.”

The condoms come in a package that resembles a matchbook with the iconic blood-stained smiley badge on the front, and the film’s name and release date on the back.

When opened, the neon blue colored condom is presented in a clear plastic wrapper with the tagline, “We’re society’s only protection.”

I guess that’s better than my idea for Billy Crudup dildoes. Subtler, I suppose.  I tried to ask him if I could get a plaster mold, but he just kept acting all touchy about me being in his stall.  Well la di da your highness.

*fans face with hand*  OMG OMG, the final Watchmen poster is here!  And it’s coming out March 6th!  And the blue guy’s wearing underpants this time!

[via Yahoo]

Watchmen (most recent trailer here), which opens March 6th, recently released this fake news report with fake reporter Jim Sizemore on “10 years of Dr. Manhattan” (Billy Crudup).  It’s great if you like stuff that wasn’t important enough to put in the movie.  I like how they can mention two ex-presidents and call them by their real names, but have to make up a fake TV station.  What, are the real ones going to sue?  “NBC is outraged at this vicious slander.  We resent the implication that we would be involved in superhero stories, even if we did exist in a fictional faux reality where superheroes did exist.”

[Thanks to RoboPanda for the tip]