This is the international trailer for the Julia Roberts-starring Eat, Pray, Love, directed by Ryan Murphy (Running with Scissors), opening August 13th.  It’s based on the best-selling memoir by Liz Gilbert.  Here’s the rundown:

Liz Gilbert (Julia Roberts) had everything a modern woman is supposed to dream of having – a husband, a house, a successful career – yet like so many others, she found herself lost, confused, and searching for what she really wanted in life. Newly divorced and at a crossroads, Gilbert steps out of her comfort zone, risking everything to change her life, embarking on a journey around the world that becomes a quest for self-discovery. In her travels, she discovers the true pleasure of nourishment by eating in Italy; the power of prayer in India, and, finally and unexpectedly, the inner peace and balance of true love in Bali. Based upon the bestselling memoir by Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love proves that there really is more than one way to let yourself go and see the world.

So basically, she had a husband, sh*tcanned him, had an affair, still wasn’t happy, so she got a book advance and took off to travel the world. Then she ate a lot and it felt profound because she was surrounded by foreigners.  Oh my gosh, I can’t wait until this rich bitch finally finds what she’s looking for!  You go girl, get out of your comfort zone! (*smells own queefs*)

Julia Roberts stars as Elizabeth Gilbert in Eat Pray Love, the adaptation of Gilbert’s best-selling memoir.  In 2005 Gilbert was a successful, married, 32-year-old writer, except (*RECORD SCRATCH*) she wasn’t happy.  So she divorced her husband and took up with another man.  But she was still depressed. She realized there was a hole in her heart that she couldn’t fill with wieners, so she went on vacation and wrote a book, the end.  Okay, not really.  Well, sorta.

She spent the next year traveling the world. She spent four months in Italy, eating and enjoying life (Eat). She spent four months in India, trying to find her spirituality (Pray). She ended the year in Bali, Indonesia, looking for “balance” of the two, and love (Love).  Gilbert paid for the trip with an advance she received on a book she planned to write.

I can’t wait for the sequel where she comes back to New York and annoys the sh*t out of all her friends by starting every sentence with, “Well, when I was in India…”

I heard that if you read this book, you grow an actual vagina.  True story.

I wanted to like this movie, I really did.  Seemed like a good hook – solid ensemble cast and veteran director do a movie about 30s bank robbers ostensibly aimed at adults.  No toy commercials?  You promise?  Okay, sailor, buy me a drink and let’s see where this leads.

Johnny Depp plays John Dillinger, the prototypical cocky outlaw.  “I like baseball, movies, good clothes, fast cars, whiskey…and you.  What else ya need to know?”

Snappy line there, handsome.  And it sounds good at first.  Only after a while, you feel like there is more you need to know.  Namely, what the hell is this movie about?  Is it about Dillinger and the brash young FBI director, J. Edgar Hoover (awesomely played by Billy Crudup – coulda used more of him), manipulating the press and going head to head in the court of public opinion?  Is it about old-school outlaws like Dillinger becoming obsolete in favor of mobsters, who do their stealing behind closed doors?  Is it about Melvin Purvis (Christian Bale) learning that “modern” crimefighting still requires old fashioned toughness?  Is it a love story?  (I hope not, because most of Dillinger’s interactions with Billie Frechette (Marion Cotillard) involve him telling her what to say and then repeating his demand until she complies.  How romantic.  He must f*ck like a Jedi.)

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The second trailer for Michael Mann’s Public Enemies went up today on MSN, which sadly doesn’t allow embeds, and everyone else’s rip is kinda weak.  It’s similar to bong smoking in that regard.  *pushes glasses back up nose*

Nonetheless, this movie still gives me a fairly turgid nerd boner – Depp plays John Dillinger, Christian Bale the FBI agent on his trail, etc., etc.  My only real reservation is that Billy Crudup (as J. Edgar Hoover) seems to be the only one doing an awesome period Jimmy Cagney accent.  You just know if this was a high school theater production, every kid in it would be walking around school flashing finger guns at each other and saying “Lookie heah, see?” for months.  Man, those kids were f-ing annoying.

Watchmen opens on 1600 screens at midnight tonight (or midnight tomorrow, depending on how you want to look at it), moving to a full release in 3,611 locations tomorrow, the most ever for an R-rated film. In honor of it finally being here, after the jump I’ve got every Watchmen video released online so far, edited into one and put in their correct order.  I haven’t watched it because I’m seeing the whole thing tonight and I don’t want to spoil my appetite for gratuitous slow motion.  *peeking between fingers* Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissss iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit ooooooooooovvvvveeeeeeeeerrrrrrr yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet?????

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