Here we have the latest trailer for Gulliver’s Travels, starring Jack Black, Emily Blunt, and Jason Segel, in 3D.  There’s a lot you could say about a movie that turns Jonathan Swift’s 18th century satire of politics and religion into a fish-out-of-water comedy starring Jack Black as “a little guy with big dreams,” but probably nothing so succinct and definitive as “Jack Black gets wedgied by a robot.”

As far as I’m concerned, Jack Black Gets Wedgied by a Robot is the new title.

Read the rest of this entry »

This is the first five minutes of Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day, opening in limited release October 30th. Here’s where you can see it (mostly on the coasts).

Oh Troy Duffy.  He never met a stupid movie cliché he didn’t try to sloppily date rape.  The movie begins with the two Irish brothers in hiding, where they’ve grown bushy beards and long hair — because that’s what people in hiding do.  Soon, they cut it all off to symbolize them coming out of hiding — because that’s what people coming out of hiding do.  And they do it all… SET TO A HOMO-EROTIC ROCK MONTAGE!  Hey, Tawmy, did you see da soap and fackin watah running down da crack of dat guys’ ass?  And he was all covahed in tattoos a somethin.  It’s gawt me so fackin’ hawt!  But not cuz I’m queah a nuthin.  Dis fackin movie rawks so hahd. Go Sawx!

The plot is basically that some bad guys killed the brother’s favorite priest.  So then the brothers are all:

“Didja hear dey shot da priest?”
“While ‘e was prayin’.”
“Mahther of marcy.”
“Well you know what we ‘ave to do now, dan’t ya?”
“Prayin’?”
“And shootin’.”

Then there’s a gratuitous flashback to the first movie crowbarred in there, because Troy Duffy was all “Hey, queahs, remembah how fackin’ great I was?  Let’s do shawts.”  Anyway, I can’t wait for this movie.  It’s the cinematic equivalent of watching a gorilla finger paint.

Rapper Xzibit, Amanda Peet [NWS pics - you're welcome] and Scottish comic Billy Connolly have signed on for director Chris Carter’s next big-screen adaptation of the hit TV series. Citing a policy of secrecy surrounding the plot line, Fox would not confirm any details regarding the three actors’ roles. But sources said Xzibit and Peet will play FBI agents alongside David Duchovny’s Mulder and Gillian Anderson’s Scully. The supernatural thriller is a stand-alone story, not a sequel or continuation of the hit 1998 feature adaptation. [Hollywood Reporter]

The lede in this story was, “The X-Files movie will be packing more heat.”  What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?  That all rappers carry weapons?  That’s some racist shit – Xzibit would shoot you for saying that.

And by the way: Xzibit, David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson, Amanda Peet, Billy Connelly – this may be the weirdest cast of all time.  If Xzibit and Billy Connelly get in a freestyle fight by the lunch truck, I might have to go and lie down. Gillian Anderson is now 67 years old. True story.