The long-rumored Bad Santa sequel took another step towards becoming reality today with The Wrap reporting that Billy Bob Thornton is in talks to return to the franchise, being produced by The Weinstein Company in partnership with Miramax.  “Officially in talks” is of course one step closer than the last time we heard about it, when it was Billy Bob reporting that “there’s been talk” of it.  If everything goes well, and Billy Bob starts wearing Harvey Weinstein’s ring, they’ll be considered to be “going around,” and I don’t think I have to tell you how serious that is.  As long as no one accidentally insults The Boxmasters, or makes him sit in antique furniture, or brings up Komodo dragons, everything should be fine.

Meanwhile, Tom Arnold is talking up a True Lies sequel now that Arnold Schwarzenegger is through playing governor. It would be a great role for Tom Arnold, because pretty much anything would be.

“We [Arnold and Schwarzenegger] have both read the script. There is a script that James Cameron and a guy named Jeff Eastin, who created the TV show ‘White Collar,’ wrote. It is really great. Jim can’t direct it. But he can produce it. We hope it gets done. We have a few fun things we want to do. I am supposed to remain cool about this. For me, it would be a lot of fun to work with the guys again.” [Movieweb via Moviefone]

True Lies is one of my favorite James Cameron movies, so I’d love to see a sequel.  But keep in mind, “in talks” and “there’s been talk” are still four to five steps of development ahead of “Tom Arnold really wants to do it.”

I love this picture so much I want to liquify it and squirt it in my butt with a turkey baster (no homo)

If you asked me what my favorite Christmas movie was, it’d be no contest, because, to my knowledge, there’s only one Christmas movie that features gratuitous use of the word “buttf*ck.”  You might think gratuitous “buttf*cks” and a holiday celebrating the birth of Jesus are contradictory, but only if you’d never met a Catholic girl.  Anyway, according to a recent interview with Billy Bob, a Bad Santa sequel isn’t around out of the realm of possibilities.

Would you ask Tom Petty that question, Collider?

“‘Bad Santa’ [has] become like a classic Christmas movie. People watch ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ and ‘Miracle on 34th St.’ and Bad Santa now is sort of the box set. And there’s been talk of making a sequel to it, which I actually would like to do. I’ve never done a sequel to one of my movies, but that one makes sense to me to do it.”

I’m living proof of that whole first part, I’m just not sure it means a sequel is a good idea.  For one, they already used “Badder Santa” as the title of the unrated version, which means they’d have to call this one Bad 2anta or something.  For another, it just wouldn’t be the same without the real star of Bad Santa, Thurman Merman.  I laughed every single time he was on screen, but that was almost eight years ago.  I imagine he’s turned into Danny Masterson since then, and everyone hates that guy.

Anyone who’s seen The Rock on Saturday Night Live or late-night talk shows knows that while he may not be DeNiro in terms of acting ability, he’s got a certain charm and charisma that seems like it would translate well to action movies, or a project that wasn’t a dumb Disney movie for your wiener kids where he wears a tutu. (How fake fighting other juiced-out dudes in your underwear pigeonholes you as a family-friendly entertainer I’ll never understand, but I digress…).  This new red-band trailer for Faster seems to suggest that this might finally be the non-tutu-movie-for-wiener-kids Rock project we’ve been waiting for.  And by that I mean he blows a dude’s brains out in the first 10 seconds.

It comes from director George Tillman Jr., who previously directed the surprisingly-watchable Notorious, and co-stars Billy Bob Thornton, who no doubt thrilled the crew with discussions about where The Boxmasters rank in comparison to The Beatles, or Tom Petty.

Faster follows Driver [The Rock], an ex-con bent on avenging the death of his brother who was murdered 10 years earlier during a heist. Veteran policeman Cop [Thornton] is trailing Driver as he races to settle with those responsible for the murder and Killer, an egocentric hitman, is also targeting Driver.

So… at least you know they didn’t waste time giving the characters clever names.  That’s good.  I hear The Expendables blew half their silly-name budget before they even shot a frame.  Rookie mistake.

"Do you SMEEELL what my glock is cookin'???" ...I am rightly ashamed.

RELATED ASYLUM POLL: What’s your favorite movie role by a former wrestler?

Hop up on daddy’s lap, kiddies, I’ve got a couple trailers to share, starting with Faster, starring Dwayne The Rock The Tooth Fairy Johnson and Billy Bob Bad Santa Would-You-Ask-Tom-Petty-That? Thornton. It’s directed by the guy who did Notorious, which was actually pretty fun in a guilty pleasure sort of way.  If you think The Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus are silly names, check out the actual synopsis:

Faster follows Driver [The Rock], an ex-con bent on avenging the death of his brother who was murdered 10 years earlier during a heist. Veteran policeman Cop [Thornton] is trailing Driver as he races to settle with those responsible for the murder and Killer, an egocentric hitman, is also targeting Driver.

“Driver”, “Cop”, and “Killer.”  Yep, those are the actual characters’ names.  I wonder what the dialog will be.  “Freeze, Killer! Ha, I knew the day would finally come when I’d be face to face with the man who’d lead me to the third-act plot denouement!”

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I combined a couple of these stories into one post because they weren’t that interesting:

Billy Bob Thornton and the Rock
…are joining the cast of Faster. “The Rock plays Driver, an ex-con out to avenge his brother’s murder. Thornton plays Cop, a veteran policeman who trails Driver. Also in the mix is Killer, an egocentric hitman who’s after Driver. That role hasn’t been cast yet.”  I really hope those aren’t the character’s actual names, said Producer.  ...Would you ask Tom Petty if he was gonna be in a movie with The Rock? [Variety]

Emmanuelle Chriqui and Val Kilmer
…are set to star in Georgia, about the Russia-Georgia conflict last year.  I’m sure it will be historically accurate, because it’s being directed by Renny Harlin (12 Rounds, Driven, Deep Blue Sea, The Adventures of Ford Fairlane), whose movies are occasionally good by accident. [THR]

Ricky Gervais is hosting the Golden Globes
…which makes it a shame that the Golden Globes are such a sham.  It’s hard not to look corrupt when you honor a bunch of movies that hadn’t even been released when the nominations were announced.  But I like Ricky Gervais.  He’s one of the good ones. [HitFix]

And finally, this guy got a boner while looking at an Iron Man DVD:

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