So, me and Hangover Bear were just sitting here, trying to figure out what we ate after closing time last night, when I came upon these clips of Bill O’Reilly talking about sex (from the audio book of Those Who Trespass, a novel he published in 1998).  Needless to say, I’ve since purged and I feel a lot better.  I think my favorite clip is, “She OBEDIENTLY performed oral SEX on him. Five feet away, the OTHER teenage girl sat on a MATRESS on the floor and watched, GREEDILY sucking on a CRACK PIPE Robo had passed to her.”  Write what you know, I guess.

“Say baby, put down that pipe and get MY pipe UP.”

“I would like you to unhook your bra and let it slide down your arms. You can keep your shirt on.”

“Cup your hands under your breasts and hold them for ten seconds.”

This one I just call “Smooth Jazz Sex Shower”

Lots more clips over at VillageVoice.

It would seem that someone has hacked Fox New’s Twitter account.  Either that or they’re trying to win back that gay-friendly illiterate demographic which MySpace has had cornered for so long.

Videogum put together this nice little 2008 viral video retrospective, and if you can get past the fat kid singing at the beginning* without self harming, there’s some nice stuff on there. …Hold on a second… *sniff* …Sorry, that f-cking lion gets to me every time. Speaking of the sniffles, I want some of what O’Reilly’s snorting.

*Seriously, he’s animatronic, right? Please tell me that’s a robotic puppet. No way that’s a real person. Some Japanese engineer built that.

In regards to the upcoming G.I. Joe movie, Hasbro released the following statement:

Hasbro’s G.I. Joe Team wanted to take this opportunity to clarify some of the facts regarding the G.I. Joe live-action movie that we are developing with Paramount Pictures.

The G.I. Joe brand has enjoyed a successful 43-year history, spanning two key generations. The first was the line of 12-inch "realistic military" figures [I love 12-inch military guys] that were popular with kids in the 1960s and 1970s.

This movie will be a modern telling of the "G.I. Joe vs. Cobra" storyline and its compelling characters that Hasbro created 25 years ago. The G.I. Joe team will not be based in Brussels. Instead, they will be based out of the "Pit" as they were throughout the 1980s comic book series. And, in keeping with the G.I. Joe vs. Cobra fantasy, the movie will feature characters and locations from around the world. Duke, the lead character and head of the G.I. Joe team, will embody the values of bravery and heroism that the first generation of G.I. Joe figures established. [via ComingSoon]

Translation: Please don’t boycott us, Bill O’Hannity, we’re not trying to make G.I. Joe speak French.