In a promising move for the future of streaming media, Amazon has released the pilots of a bunch of original shows and allowed users to vote on which ones get greenlit. The way it used to work, TV networks would spend millions making a bunch of pilots, then they’d pick a few (whichever starred former castmembers of Friends, usually), and shitcan all the rest. That always seemed like a waste, not to mention it was based on studio-head predictions of what people would like, so this is a move in an interesting direction.

They could do better on offering easier-to-read descriptions of their pilots, but one such pilot is Alpha House, written by Doonesbury cartoonist Garry Trudeau, starring John Goodman, Clark Johnson, Matt Malloy, and Mark Consuelos as four senators living in a house together in DC. Sure, it sounds like a wackier take on House of Cards, but on the other hand… John Goodman. In this clip, Bill Murray makes a cameo. I think it goes without saying, I would watch Bill Murray and John Goodman in anything, even a documentary about raping my mother. All Bill Murray does in this clip is swear and yell and brush his teeth, and it’s entirely compelling. That’s the magic of Bill Murray.

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Bill Murray as FDR playing water polio.

I’ll give it to you straight: the only new DVD this week you’ve heard of is Hyde Park On Hudson, the movie in which Bill Murray plays Franklin Delano Roosevelt, but that doesn’t mean the other DVDs all suck; it just means you haven’t heard of them yet.  Also, they pretty much all suck.  But some of them don’t.  Maybe.  Good or bad, each and every DVD this week stars at least someone you’ve heard of, assuming you watch the right TV shows and/or listen to Christian contemporary music. Besides Bill Murray as history’s greatest cripple (suck it, Stephen Hawking), we’ve got films starring James Gandolfini, Jet Li, Judd Nelson, William Hurt, Michael Madsen, Eric Roberts, Eric Roberts (he’s in two movies this week) and everyone’s favorite Greens, Eva and Seth. (Suck it, Brian Austin.)

The DVDs:
Hyde Park On Hudson
Down The Shore
Womb
Sexy Evil Genius
The Sorcerer And The White Snake
Bad Kids Go To Hell
The Kitchen
Late Bloomers
Luster
Crush
Infected
Shadow Witness
Ring The Bell
The Kill Hole
Paranormal Movie
Worth: The Testimony Of Johnny St. James

Streaming: Check out your choices here.

Think you know what a kill hole is?  The only way to be sure is to continue reading. Wondering who the sexy evil genius is?  You might find out if you continue reading.  Did you just finish streaming Fire With Fire on Netflix Instant and are eager for more suggestions?  Just click the link above, but if you do you’ll never know which film will cause you to seriously consider the definition of incest. Read the rest of this entry »

Not a dream sequence, Patricia Arquette actually dresses like that in every scene

Roman Coppola Becomes the Shutterstock Fellini

(this is a longer version of a review I did for The Portland Mercury)

I first tried to watch A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III when it was on VOD. I watched about 20 minutes of it and promptly started doing chores around the house. Then I got the assignment to review it, and, out of some misplaced feeling of obligation to watch the entirety of a movie I’m assigned to review no matter how bad, I watched it again. I would not recommend doing this. No one in the film spontaneously gains the power to explode people with their minds, shown in slow motion and multiple angles, a lá The Fury. Morgan Freeman does not show up in the last five minutes to deliver some velvety monolog of pure, blinding insight. In fact, the second half of the movie is a lot like the first: more insufferable, soulless, masturbatory bullshit. On the plus side, it’s a great movie to throw on when you need to finish some housework.

Charles Swan is played by Charlie Sheen, and Charles Swan likes to daydream. He daydreams so much that he often disappears into a daydream only to disappear into a sub-daydream. Unfortunately, these daydreams are boring and so is Charles. I suspect the fact that Charles Swan is played by Roman Coppola’s childhood friend Charlie Sheen is intended to be a lot more symbolic and evocative than it actually is. I further assume Charles Swan is supposed to be some idealized idea of maleness, played by Sheen as some meta comment on our collective consciousness, because everything about him is ultra kitschy and campy and phony, entirely inhabiting some production designer’s non-period-specific art deco sepia dream, where all the women are models and the furniture designed by Roy Lichtenstein. As we learn from Charles’ psychoanalyst in the opening scene, Charles is selfish, he doesn’t listen, and he’s always thinking about sex. That’s… pretty much it. He is infomercial man. A broad, hokey caricature of a dude, a dream having dreams. Oh, and he’s all torn up about his break up with Ivana, a model who owns lots of shoes. Because women be shoppin,’ obviously. This is a movie that thinks it’s Portnoy’s Complaint when it’s barely According to Jim. And let me tell you, there isn’t much interesting about delving into the psyche of a broad, meaningless caricature. Ooh, tell us about your rich internal life, Joe Camel! Dr. Pepper 10 commercials are better satire than this.

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Roman Coppola is best known for co-writing Wes Anderson’s The Darjeeling Limited and Moonrise Kingdom, and for directing commercials, and his last feature was CQ, back in 2001. Not for nothing, he also has a righteous monobrow. Next year, he returns to features with A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III, which opens February 8th, about a graphic designer who starts going nuts when his girlfriend leaves him. Charlie Sheen plays Charles Swan, Bill Murray his accountant, and Jason Schwartzman his stand-up comic best friend. Today we have a trailer (below), and…  well, it doesn’t make any f*cking sense.

Movie? What movie?  All I saw was a bunch a actors wearin’ costumes.

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If you are in the SF area you check this out and other Wes Anderson tributes at Spoke Art. [via Pleated Jeans]

MORNING LINKS
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Frocast 124: Smashing Machine/Universal Soldier Director John Hyams |Frotcast|

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Someone Stole Amy Weber’s Laptop So She’s Just Posting Naked Pictures Now |With Leather|

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Thomas DeCoud As The Fresh Prince Plus Other NFL Player Halloween Costumes |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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What Your Favorite TV Shows And Networks Say About Your Politics |Buzzfeed|

The 100 Most Amazing Reddit User Halloween Costumes of 2012 |Ranker|

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10 Little-Seen Movies That Launched the Feature-Film Careers of Ten of
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Darth Vader Plans His Takeover Of The Magic Kingdom |Screen Junkies|

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10 Reasons Star Wars Movies Are Already Practically Disney Movies |College Humor|

Slip N’ Slide Into Kiddie Pools |High Definite|

Everything I Know About Mario is a Lie |Unreality|

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