James Franco and Harmony Korine are best known for collaborating on visual art projects about naked cholo chicks riding BMXes and carving “BRAD RENFRO” into Franco’s arm, so when it was announced that they’d be working together on the very genre-seeming Spring Breakers, starring a bunch of Disney Channel teenyboppers as bikini bank robbers, needless to say, we were intrigued. My Dicknose-sense still tingling, we were next treated to the above images of Ashley Benson and Vanessa Hudgens (who co-star with Selena Gomez and Heather Morris), with James Franco looking like a dude I’ve been informed is not Kevin Federline, but actually Riff Raff. I’m not even going to get into who that is, except to say that I could’ve done without that information. Aaaaaanyway, today they released the first clip from the film, which will premiere at the Venice Film Festival next month. It’s actually pretty boring, just the girls sitting around shooting gun fingers at each other, talking about how boring suburbia is. Gun-fingering each other, if you will. Oh wait, did you think it was something else? I guess I could see how that headline could be misleading. Ha, I just got that!

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Here’s your picture of Michael Bay being Michael Bay of the day, on the set of his new film Pain and Gain (“Point Break set in the world of bodybuilding”) in Miami. See how he keeps his eyes on their boobs and the camera focused on their vaginas simultaneously? That’s why Michael Bay is a pro. I wonder which one of those girls polishes the best Ferrari? I’m guessing the one second from left. Thicker girls generally polish the best Ferrari, if you know what I mean. (*hits gong, bow tie spins*)

I like to imagine Michael Bay shopping for clothes. “Hmmm, do you have any deeper V’s? Huh, okay, well I guess this will have to do. As long as you have some white cargo pants with really big pockets. I’m gonna need to hold, like, a lot of C4. (*explosion sound*)”

Oh, and it doesn’t say so in the description, but I’m guessing that guy in the red and white is Ken Jeong, who joined the cast a few weeks ago. Giving a subtly understated performance, I’m sure.

[TheSuperficial]

Putting on a Slave Leia bikini from Star Wars to pander to nerds is so simple, so uncreative, and so transparent that it’s pathetic.  And yet… when Princess Leia’s wet boob squishes against the glass and the camera man says, “This is the greatest car wash of all time,” …I truthfully cannot disagree.

The only thing that could be better than this is a team of dwarf chicks dressed as Warwick Davis from Willow.  What?  You know that would rock.  They’d need to put the sponges on the end of sticks, but it would work because his magic wand was a stick. I hope someone’s writing this down.  This could save the rec center.

Thanks to Jirish for the tip.

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The trailer for Oneechanbara Vortex, a Japanese film about a girl in a bikini who kills zombies with a samurai sword, isn’t in English and doesn’t have subtitles, but somehow I don’t think we’re missing much.  I love how straightforward the Japanese are about this stuff.  I can only imagine the focus group discussions over there – “Look, lady, I’m a regular guy.  I like my steaks medium, my potatoes mashed, my beer cold, and my sex violent, underage, and cartoonish, okay?  We don’t have to reinvent the wheel here.”

[Twitch]

Friday free for all is that time of the week when I post a sweet video then take my shirt off while all the ladies scream.  Send your tips to lance@filmdrunk.com, though I probably won’t look at anything you send me before Thursday afternoon.

Mom? Is that you?  You promised me all the copies had been destroyed!

[via HollywoodTuna, which may have NSFW ads]