Deliciously feisty firecrotch Isla Fischer is set to star in Desperados, a film the LA Times is calling ‘a female Hangover.’  The LA Times must be idiots because this is blatantly a female Road Trip.  And there’s already a female Hangover, it’s called Bridesmaids.  Hey, Hollywood, how does your own tail taste?  Like snake sh*t, I bet.

Ellen Rapoport’s script, which landed on Hollywood’s esteemed Black List two years ago,  has the women heading to Mexico to set right a situation that had one of the women leaving a scathing message for a man she actually likes.

The comedy, about a trio of women on a quixotic mission, is moving forward at Universal (which, incidentally, is also behind “Bridesmaids”). Betty Thomas, the director of “Private Parts” and “Dr. Dolittle,” is set to be offered the director’s chair and is planning on accepting the job, according to  two people who were briefed on the project and were not authorized to speak about it publicly.  Isla Fisher was attached to “Desperados” last year, and the studio is currently seeking two other female leads. [LA Times]

To refresh your memory, here’s the plot of Road Trip, another Todd Phillips movie, from 2000:

Four friends take off on an 1800 mile road trip to retrieve an illicit tape mistakenly mailed to a girl friend.

And in turn, the synopsis of Overnight Delivery, a direct-to-video film from 1998 (on which Kevin Smith supposedly did an uncredited rewrite):

The main character Wyatt Trips, played by Paul Rudd, is a college student at Twin Cities College. He believes that his long-distance girlfriend, Kimberly Jasney, played by Christine Taylor, is not being faithful to him. As a result of this he goes to a strip club where he gets intoxicated and decides to send a letter to his girlfriend. With the letter he includes a picture of himself and a topless stripper. Trips soon discovers that his girlfriend was not, in fact, cheating on him, and that he has twenty-four hours to retrieve the package before it gets to his girlfriend. [Wikipedia]

First a video, then a picture, and now a phone message?  It’s like they keep re-using the same plot, but think they can trick us by going backwards with technology.  Five years from now it’s just going to be Willow Smith and Booboo Stewart chasing down a carrier pigeon.

If you know what 'spoof' means in Aussie slang, you'll know why I went with that headline over "BETTY DOES DALLAS".   

Anyway, Private Parts Director (the occupation I list on my business cards) Betty Thomas has signed on to direct the movie adaptation of Dallas, with John Travolta attached to play JR, and Hot Rod writer Pam Brady writing the script. 

Thomas previously directed the Brady Bunch movies and Can't Hardly Wait, a teen movie classic which was solely responsible for me writing "Aman-duh!" on the cups of countless Starbucks patrons named Amanda. Thomas is the third director attached to the project, which was originally set to be directed by Robert Luketic (Monster in Law) and later Gurinder Chadha of Bend it Like Beckham.  Boy, Indian names are rough, aren't they?  I know I don't speak the language, but it seems like avoiding names that end in "Durrr" is always a good policy.

The choice of Thomas signals a move to a more parody-oriented movie, which is good, because much like Cave Painting with Afro Guy and Robin Williams being funny, Dallas was something that happened before I was born.  Thus, I would rather see it made fun of.  Much like Gerald Ford.  

UPDATE: As ass toot commenter Godotzilla correctly points out, Thomas did not direct Can't Hardly Wait. Don't blame me, blame those lazy Australians at MovieHole.