PansLabyrinthPaleMan

Everyone knows it’s ridiculous to try to quantitatively rank unquantifiables like movies.  And though I tried to do my research for this, there are probably a plenty deserving flicks I’m forgetting or never saw.  Therefore if you disagree with anything on this list, it’s probably because you’re an idiot and no one likes you and your mom has cancer.   Internet readers are suckers for lists, so let’s earn papa some money, huh?  Be sure to argue in the comments section as much as possible.   Ready? KNIVES OUT!

1. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
Jim Carrey’s zaniest performance since Yes Man!  Seriously though, I don’t think anyone’s ever figured out such a perfect way to say that relationships are the stupidest things in the world that you just want to forget, and that given half a chance, you’d still do over again in the exact same way as before.  Charlie Kaufman is a genius, and Michel Gondry painted me a tranny.  Game over, man.

2. City of God (2002)
Brazilians and Brazilian chicks and little kids shooting each other!  What can I say, it’s a white knuckler, it looks amazing, and though I don’t usually go in for all that “based on a true story crap”, that scene at the end where they show all the real people from the story is kind of mind blowing.

3. The Wrestler (2008)
I hated gimmicky-ass Reqiuem for a Dream, so loving an Aronofsky flick this much surprised the hell out of me.  It was funny, almost comically gritty, and it had a stripper who actually looked like a stripper.  It made me want to drink whiskey with Mickey Rourke and pet his three-legged dog on a dead-end road while we sang Springsteen songs.  Now, who wants to fireman party?

4.  Wall E (2008)
I had to put a Pixar flick on here, but to be honest, it’s pretty much a wash between this, Up, and Finding Nemo.  In the end I’ll take Wall E over Up, only because Up seemed to be trying way too hard to make me cry.  Didn’t you get the memo?  THESE EYEBALLS DON’T RUN, MOTHERF$##!3R!  USA! USA! USA!

Read the rest of this entry »