Prince of Persia has a new trailer out and you can tell it’s a Jerry Bruckheimer movie because it rarely goes five seconds with out something falling down.  “Oh my God it’s collapsing! Save me from this elaborate set piece!”

Other than that, it’s your basic hero story: Jake Gyllenhaal is born a poor orphan, but he grows up to wield the powerful weapon all the bad guys want, because of destiny.  One day he meets a hot chick who stands around explaining the plot to him, and together they must take the ring to the fires of mordor blah blah mouthfart wank motion.

[available in higher res at IGN]

Empire recently posted some new publicity shots from Jerry Bruckheimer’s Prince of Persia movie, starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Gemma Arterton, and Ben Kingsley.  I never played the video game, but based on these pictures I assume the object was to try to cultivate flowing sex hair (except for poor Special K who has to compensate with eyeliner).  Heck, I’d even bang the horse.  This looks like it’s going to be for Jake Gyllenhaal what Troy was for Brad Pitt, and everyone’s talking about how buff he got for the role.  But whatever, put this pussy in the ring with me.  I promise I’ll submit him in 30 seconds. With a c*ck choke!  OOH WHA-AA AA-AAH!

Hey– who let Jerry O’Bruckheimer into the girl’s locker room?  He looks like the emo-est leprechaun.  So they think they kin take me lucky charms, do they?  We’ll see who has the last laugh once me orthopedic shoes correct me club foot. Until then, I’ll smoke me cloves ‘n take meaninful photographs.

Ben Kingsley is in pretty much every movie this year. He gets it on with Penelope Cruz in Elegy. He was in the Love Guru, but we don’t talk about that. Just this morning I posted a picture of him and his hot amazon wife at the premiere of Fifty Dead Men Walking. It’s easy to see why Special K pulls hot tail. And just this afternoon, FilmDrunkard Brooklyn drew my attention to the above clip, in which Ben Kingsley stars as Ian McKaye, the similarly bald frontman of seminal DC hardcore band Minor Threat. It comes from Mean Magazine, where many of the commenters wondered “What’s the point of this?”

Clearly, the point is that it’s f*cking awesome. But then, I’m not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, especially after it made me orgasm.

The Wackness hits theaters July 3rd, and just released a red-band trailer.  If you grew up in the 90s, guess what, you’re now old enough to see period pieces about your childhood. The story is that 18-year-old pot dealer Luke Shapiro trades weed to his shrink (Ben Special K Kingsley) in exchange for sessions.  The shrink tells him to get laid, so he tries to bang the shrink’s hot daughter (Olivia Thirlby).

It’s gotten pretty good reviews overall, but I don’t trust the instincts of filmmakers who cast Mary-Kate Olsen.  She’s in the trailer for less than a second, more than enough time to annoy the shit out of me.  What is she doing with her arms?  Why is she doing real movies, isn’t she a billionaire?  Why do my farts smell so good to me but so gross to everyone else?  There are many mysteries to ponder, friends.

After the jump, I’ve got the newest trailer for The Wackness, starring Ben Kingsley as the drug-addled psychiatrist of a teenage drug dealer (set in 1994).  Olivia Thirlby plays Kingsley’s hot daughter and Method Man plays… um, a black guy.

The Wackness won the audience award at Sundance and has been getting decent reviews – I was thinking it looked interesting until Mary-Kate Olsen came along and pissed on my Grape Nuts.  Honestly, who puts an Olsen twin in their movie?  And if you do, why the hell is your movie playing at Sundance? It should be opening on 10,000 screens.  Either this dude made a really crappy deal or he’s driving around a platinum spacecar right now.