In the least surprising move ever, Mattel is capitalizing on the success of Twilight by releasing Twilight-themed Barbie dolls.  Cue product description:

And so the lion fell in love with the lamb. Twilight has quickly become a worldwide phenomenon developing a strong core base of dedicated fans who are drawn to the story of a Romeo & Juliet style romance between mortal (Bella) and vampire (Edward). Who better to capture the young star-crossed love of these two characters than Barbie & Ken. Edward is luminescent with a shimmering complexion and trademark gold eyes. Bella doll sold separately. [Toys R Us]

The lion… fell in love with the lamb? Is that a line from Twilight? (it is) That only makes sense if you’re an idiot. We get it, they’re predator and prey.  But if you’re trying to write a super deep metaphor, wouldn’t you use two animals that actually share a habitat, rather than a bastardization of an old proverb about March (or an apt description of my lovemaking style)?  I guess it doesn’t matter, as long as the hero is super white, celibate, and can protect you from dangerous minorities.  Anyway, the Edward doll is genital free and comes equipped with purity ring and friendship grip.

What the hell is this, you ask?  Why, it’s a Twilight-fan-made representation of BELLA’S WOMB, made of felt, of course. Complete with “an actual felted mutant fetus inside.” You might not think it looks much like a uterus, but keep in mind that Twilight author Stephenie Meyer is Mormon, and Mormons believe babies hatch from eggs that Jesus lays. White babies, anyway.

[via journalfen, via Cinematical]

Kristen Stewart, who stars in Twilight as Bella Swan (I absolutely cannot keep a straight face while typing that name), will play Joan Jett in The Runaways.

The Runaways were hugely influential as the first successful all-girl hard rock band; its members included guitarists Jett and Lita Ford, drummer Sandy West, singer-keyboardist Cherie Currie and bassist Jackie Fox. The band was brought together in late 1975 by impresario Kim Fowley, who thought a novelty act of teenaged girls performing in leather and lace would be an easy sell, but the girls ended up proving to be serious and influential musicians with songs like “Cherry Bomb.” The band lasted about four years together, falling apart over management and money issues.

The film will revolve around Jett and Currie and follow them from the band’s meteoric rise as teenagers to their dissolution and disillusionment. [THR]

Seems like a bit of a departure for Stewart, who up until now has played the “pretty girl with issues” almost exclusively; the girl all the weirdoes want to bone, like Jena Malone 2.0.  She plays most of her roles as awkward and shy – I dunno, maybe it’s just me, but she seems like someone who would give a damn about her bad reputation.   *puts on Dunce cap, truffle shuffles out the door with his dick out*