Being the mega-important movie blog impresario that I am, I was able to score a screener copy of Rubber, the movie about the psychic tire that explodes peoples’ heads, about a week ago.  Only my DVD drive crapped out on me and I still haven’t found a place to watch it.  And now, my screener is all but worthless because the film is already available on OnDemand to you, the idiot layman, the undulating masses.  Magnet Releasing debuted a new poster for the film, which will also hit select theaters April 1st.

Here’s the synopsis again, because I think the poster glosses over an important plot point, the fact that the tire is named Robert.

RUBBER is the story of Robert, an inanimate tire that has been abandoned in the desert, and suddenly and inexplicably comes to life. As Robert roams the bleak landscape, he discovers that he possesses terrifying telepathic powers that give him the ability to destroy anything he wishes without having to move. At first content to prey on small desert creatures and various discarded objects, his attention soon turns to humans, especially a beautiful and mysterious woman who crosses his path. Leaving a swath of destruction across the desert landscape, Robert becomes a chaotic force to be reckoned with.  [Apple]

My God, that is just the Charlie Sheen of movie synopses. The only thing that could make this better is if Arnold Schwarzenegger was there to deliver Commando one liners.  “You’ll have to excuse my friend — he’s dead TIRE’d.”

Shut up, I was already leaving.

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I still remember where I was the first time I saw the teaser for Rubber.  I was sitting here on my jack-off couch, writing about it.  (What? I didn’t say it was a good story.)  I remember it because Rubber is a movie about a psycho-kinetic tire that explodes people’s heads.  Additionally, the tire is named “Robert.” That seems important.

RUBBER is the story of Robert, an inanimate tire that has been abandoned in the desert, and suddenly and inexplicably comes to life. As Robert roams the bleak landscape, he discovers that he possesses terrifying telepathic powers that give him the ability to destroy anything he wishes without having to move. At first content to prey on small desert creatures and various discarded objects, his attention soon turns to humans, especially a beautiful and mysterious woman who crosses his path. Leaving a swath of destruction across the desert landscape, Robert becomes a chaotic force to be reckoned with, and truly a movie villain for the ages. In theaters April 1st.  [Apple]

Rubber was directed by Quentin Dupieux, a “legendary electro musician” also known as Mr. Oizo.  Do you know how awesome a movie would have to be for me not to make fun of it for being directed by a French techno musician (that’s like the pink unicorn of gay horses!)?  It would have to be scrotum-clenchingly kickass.  It would have to be about an evil tire.

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You nerds can keep your Trons and your gay comic book movies about promise rings from space, True Grit is the movie I’m excited for (trailer here).  The Coen Brothers remake adaptation of the Charles Portis book just released a new batch of posters, and… (*puts on reading glasses, pulls a dusty leather-bound volume off the shelf, searches inside for the right passage*) …according to my research, it still looks badass.

It opens Christmas, and I know, I know, so far all we’ve really seen is cowboy costumes and Jeff Bridges with a dirty face and a Larry Flynt accent.  But if you need more than that to be excited about this, I don’t know what to tell you.

[via IMDB]
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India’s most expensive film ever made, Endhiran, aka Robot, has a new trailer out, and even though it’s not as long as the last one I posted, you better believe I’m posting every scrap of video I can from this insanely badass-looking movie.  This looks like Michael Bay’s wildest wet dream, but with more dancing, and probably less ebonics.

What if Bollywood created a movie with equal parts Iron Man, I, Robot, Bicentennial Man and featured the score of Academy Award-winning composer A.R. Rahman (Slumdog Millionaire)? S. Shankar’s The Robot looks to be that movie. The film features Rajnikanth in dual roles, as a science professor and a superintelligent android robot.’ [/Film]

I still prefer my previous synopsis, “a giant cobra made of robot men slithers around eating cars.”  But you know what they say. Would a giant cobra made of robot men by any other name not still make you want to sing and dance?  …Something like that.

So the Robot gets eyebrows, but no mustache? Your rare displays of restraint sadden me.

This fall… EXTREME! GETS! OUTSOURCED!  (*double curry to chesty*)

If you saw the trailer for the Coen Brothers’ True Grit, you probably saw Jeff Bridges wearing an eye patch, firing pistols on horseback and thought, “Hot damn, has there ever been a single image that could sell an entire movie as easily as this one?”  Unless you were the actual Coen Brothers, in which case you thought, “F*ck you, we’re the Coen Brothers.  Our poster is going to have text.  You still gonna see it?  Yeah, that’s what I thought.  P*ssy.”

I’ve heard that on the set of their movies, instead of golf carts, the Coen Brothers just stomp around everywhere like the Bushwhackers.  True story.

[via InContention]