If you had assumed that the website “GreenLanternDC.com” went to the official site for the movie Green Lantern, the Warner Bros production of the DC comic, you’d be wrong. Because it actually goes to Green Lantern DC, a gay bar in Washington DC.  You know, the place with bars on the windows, that’s downstairs from The Toolshed. They offer a myriad of exciting promotions and drink specials, such as “bears do yoga”, underwear party, and shirtless men drink free.  Aw. I wish FilmDrunk headquarters was in DC, instead of crummy old non-gay San Francisco. (*kicks empty can, faint sound of house music*) … (*ntz*) (*ntz*) (*ntz*) (*ntz*) (*ntz*) (*ntz*)…

The Green Lantern has undergone a transcendental rebirth.  The original Green Lantern, which closed July 1999, was a small, dark bar, with black spray paint over the windows and a less-than-elegant atmosphere.  Now, a bright paint job, a new ventilation system and friendly staff [and new upholstery, hopefully -Ed.] have given the old place a new attitude.  Owner Greg Z. wanted to open a club that was an alternative to the established gay venues around the 17th and P Street scene, one where regular guys could meet in a casual, clean, and fun spot.

The central bar that sits square in the middle of the first floor is designed for a small crowd to engage in conversation.  The modified space also allows patrons to, as one regular remarked, “casually cruise and be cruised.”

Directly upstairs from the Green Lantern is the Toolshed, which caters to the “bear crowd” — rugged lumberjack types, although flannel is optional. [GreenLanternDC]

Don’t patronize me, block quote, I think I’m WELL aware what a “bear” is. So why is the bar called The Green Lantern, you ask?  Well because it’s the gayest superhero, of course.  You might think Superman is the gayest, because he wears a red cape and his underwear on the outside of his leotard.  Or Spider-Man, because he’s always running around the city in a spandex onesie, shooting his webbing on the baddest of bad boys. But The Green Lantern’s prized possession is a gaudy ring, which he won for going face-to-face with a purple-headed alien without showing fear.  That’s not an origin story, it’s Boy Scout Camp.

[Thanks to Jon Brown for the tip. Boy does that sound like a euphemism all of a sudden.]

I’ve always thought, and I’m on record about this, that the Yogi Bear movie was a great idea. There’s just one problem, and it’s not 3D or slapstick or Justin Timberlake. It’s that CGI sucks. I mean, why all the stupid computers? There are bears everywhere. Just look around you, man. So for his latest video, our video editor, Oliver, began his work from a simple premise: CGI = sh*tty. Bear attacks = awesome. Really, can you argue with that logic? No, you can’t. And if you even try, Nic Cage will run up dressed like a bear and punch your girlfriend in the face.

(Yes, the bear eats the script.  I’m hard right now.)

Comedian T.J. Miller twice unsuccessfully auditioned for a part in the Yogi Bear movie, but thanks to this video audition he sent in, he scored the biggest casting coup since “Hey, Malkovich, think fast!”

What better way to win the role of Ranger Jones in the Yogi Bear movie than to audition with a bear? That’s exactly what comedian T.J. Miller decided to do after auditioning twice and still feeling like he needed that extra something to rise to the top. Actually, T.J. made the video with director Jordan Vogt-Roberts as a joke, but it got into the hands of Barry M. Meyer, chairman of Warner Bros., who enjoyed it while most likely chortling loudly through a thick cloud of cigar smoke [and later offered Miller the role].  [ScreenJunkies/TheApiary]

I’m not sure how talented Miller is, but that bear is a star!  His ad lib grunts are so perfect, you forgive the fact that he keeps eating the script.  I’ve heard the same thing happens with Kathleen Turner.  I kid, I kid.  But seriously, more actors should try this.  For one thing, because bears are awesome, and for another, there’d be a few less starving actors in Hollywood.  And a few more full bears.

Read the rest of this entry »

This is a Japanese game show where they scare a bear cub and then make fun of it. Haha, bear dishonor family. [via Buzzfeed]

Daily Circle Jerk Links of the Day:

• A musical ode to captain Jean Luc Picard. |HolyTaco|
• Speaking of Hitler, here’s Hitler finding out about Michael Jackson’s death. |ScreenJunkies|
• Ever wanted to buy a t-shirt gun?  Now’s your chance.  Now all you need is a sports arena. |on205th|
• A hideously deformed mutant made a 90s-era rap tribute to “LOL”. |Atom|
• Emma Watson moved in with her boyfriend, a 26-year-old “financier.” Oh, Emma, when will you stop playing games and lift the restraining order? And besides, only girls with chlamydia date guys in finance. True story. |DailyFill|
• Meet the best six-year-old basketball player in the world. And he’s Jewish! Ha, just kidding of course. |HoopDoctors|
• Look everyone, The Hangover is a ripoff of Dude Where’s My Car!  And it doesn’t matter because Zach Galifianakis makes me ejaculate happiness. |CollegeHumor|
• The 10 best iPhone apps. My favorite app is called “Verizon,” which allows you to not have an iPhone.  Incredible!  …Tired?  There’s a nap for that. |TSBMag|
• Dana White goes to war with EA over their MMA video game, says not too long ago EA wouldn’t take a meeting because MMA disgusted them.  |G4|
• A painting of Quentin Tarantino and Adolf Hitler in a Reservoir Dogs-style Mexican standoff. |Heeb|
• In a way, this garbage-can-full-of-water prank might actually be more ruthless than the old flaming bag of dog poop.  |EpicCarnival|

(Pictured: Nic Cage’s first acting coach)

Check out these links or die tryin:

• Iowa umpire ejects entire crowd for being “mouthy.”  I’ve never been ejected, but did once receive a warning for being “crotchy.” |Asylum|
• “Everyone Gets Fired For Drinking On The Job” and other lesser-known works from the author of “Everyone Poops,” Taro Gomi.  |CollegeHumor|
• Predator re-dubbed so it’s gayer is funnier than it has any right to be. You slack-jawed faggots. |HolyTaco|
• “Great moments in failed stage dives.”   Yes, please. |Uncoached|
• Speaking of yes please, here’s a cowboy monkey riding a dog. |YepYep|
• Supposedly this is funny if you’ve played Metal Gear.  For the rest of us it’s just really weird. |Atom|
• Linkin Park’s new video for the Transformers soundtrack. I had it on for about 12 seconds before my roommate asked, “Dude… what the hell are you listening to?”  They’re like an aural skidmark. |ScreenJunkies|
• Hey, remember Libby Keatinge?  |Fablife|
• Designer gives a run through of the Transformers 2 video game.  Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt!  |G4|
• John Mayer had to take a friend to the hospital to get his stomach pumped, and it wasn’t full of semen. |DailyFill|
• The Adam Carolla Podcast with Francis Ford Coppola.  If you’re not listening to this every day, you’re missing out.  And you probably have cancer. |AdamCarolla|

[banner pic via EnglishRussia]