With the gay marriage issue coming before the Supreme Court recently and becoming the subject of much debate across the US, it’s only natural that we’d start to ask actors what they think. Because after all, actors are just like us, only insane, and incapable of honest work or coherent thought. Someone recently asked Jeremy Irons his opinion on gay marriage, and why not? He’s Scar from The Lion King. And leave it to old Scar to finally broach the subject everyone else has been dancing around like a bunch of gay fairies: that if gay marriage was legal, fathers could just gay marry their sons to avoid paying taxes on their inheritance. IT’S OVER, EVERYONE! TIME TO GO HOME, JEREMY IRONS HAS CRACKED THE CASE!

Academy Award winning actor Jeremy Irons said Wednesday that while he doesn’t have much of a strong opinion either way on same-sex marriage, he believes it poses interesting questions, including whether allowing same-sex marriage would open the door for interfamilial relationships.

“Could a father not marry his son?” Irons asked HuffPost Live host Josh Zepps. Irons argued that “it’s not incest between men” because “incest is there to protect us from inbreeding, but men don’t breed.”

I could go step by step trying to break down the basic idiocy of this argument, but suffice to say, any time your hypothetical begins with “Now, say for the sake of argument that it was legal to marry your own son…” I’m out. I’m just not that good at make-believe.

“Now if that was so, then if I wanted to pass on my estate without death duties, I could marry my son and pass on my estate to him.”

“Same rights, not the name. It seems to me that now they’re fighting for the name and I worry that it means somehow we debase or we change what marriage is. I just worry about that. I mean, tax-wise is an interesting one, because could a father not marry his son?”

“I think the lawyers are going to have a field day with same-sex marriage. I don’t have a strong feeling either way. I just wish everyone that’s living with one other person the best luck in the world, because it’s fantastic.” [HuffingtonPost via HolyMoly]

At this point you might rightly wonder, in Jeremy Irons’ scenario, just what kind of dynasty-obsessed blue blood would take the extraordinary step of getting gay married to his own son just to avoid getting taxed on his inheritance. The answer? Lizard People.

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A High-Speed Tricycle Chase and a $300K Pirate Ship: Katt Williams’ Crazy Week

Not many people are covering the insane meltdown that Katt Williams has been having for the past few weeks, I suspect because there’s just too much to cover. I almost broke my browser trying to keep track of it all. But by God, any story that involves a guy attempting to pay cash for a state ferry and going on a high-speed tricycle chase is a story that deserves to be told. I’m going to go in chronological order here, so bear with me, because a lot of the best stuff is at the end.

• In October, Williams pulled a gun on Faizon Love (yes, the fat guy from Blue Crush), supposedly after an argument over $50 grand that Williams owes, which ended with Williams getting arrested.

• Separate from that incident, Williams was arrested for battery outside a nightclub in Oakland. An altercation that apparently began when Williams assaulted 18-year-old “aspiring rapper” Delvahn Mosley-Davis on board Williams’ tour bus.

• Williams was in town for his shows at the Coliseum formerly known as the Oakland Coliseum, and two days after the battery arrest, Williams abruptly left the stage ten minutes into a show. He later got sued by multiple angry fans. MONEY QUOTE: “The suit filed by 35-year-old Brian Herline, of Modesto, says he and hundreds of fans were disappointed when Williams took off his clothes and challenged people to fight.”

• Following that incident, Katt Williams showed up in Sacramento, where he was driving some sort of three-wheeled motorcycle called a Can Am on sidewalks and almost hitting people. Cops were called, Katt Williams told them he wasn’t going to stop, before leading them on a brief, high-speed tricycle chase (seriously), with Williams running several red lights until cops eventually gave up to avoid endangering the general public.

• Did I mention he slapped a kid at Target and it was captured on video?

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I’ve heard enough stories about Val Kilmer being nuts that I believe them, and true to form, Kilmer joined the Black Lips onstage at Fun Fun Fun Fest in Austin over the weekend, taking a chainsaw to an amplifier, screaming non-sequitirs, making out with the band, walking in a walker, and eventually chopping off clumps of his own hair with a knife. You know, actor stuff. Supposedly the performance was being filmed for a Terrence Malick movie, a movie I like to think is entitled “An Average Day in the Life of Val Kilmer.”

On Friday, Kilmer hopped onto the Fun Fun Fun Fest stage with the Black Lips and Terrence Malick’s film crew, the latter of which, reports Rolling Stone, was there to capture the actor’s performance for an untitled film also starring Christian Bale, Ryan Gosling, and Natalie Portman. Or was it all just a warm-up? In between chain-sawing through stage equipment and giving himself a surprise haircut, Kilmer told the Austin crowd, “Did they tell you we’re making a movie? We’re not. We’re practicing making a movie.” Regardless of whether the performance was being filmed as a rehearsal or an actual scene, the footage may never see the light of day; Malick recently surprised both critics and his To the Wonder cast when he deleted Rachel Weisz, Michael Sheen, Amanda Peet, and Berry Pepper entirely from his romantic drama.

During the performance, Kilmer further provoked the audience by asking them if they’d like to hear him perform as Jim Morrison, whom he portrayed in the 1991 biopic The Doors. “Do you wanna hear some Doors songs? Well, you’re 20 years too late. No Doors here. We have some windows . . . got some garage. But we’ve got no Doors.” [VanityFair]

Haha, that is a good one, Val Kilmer, we’re all just spitballin here.

I’ll admit, I was not at Fun Fun Fun Fest to gauge audience reaction, but I think Val Kilmer may have overestimated the desire of a bunch of 22-year-old Austin hipsters to hear an actor sing a song their parents were conceived to because he was in a movie about it 20 years ago. That said, I would’ve completely lost my sh*t if he’d sung “Skeet Surfin‘.”

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TMZ deserves most of the credit for this image juxtaposition

While Megadeth singer Dave Mustaine hasn’t been musically relevant in years, his fame as a curio of batsh*t psuedo-celebrities continues to grow. After endorsing Rick Santorum earlier this year (who could’ve guessed one could be simultaneously pro-life and mega-death?), a few days ago he told an audience in Singapore that Obama had “staged” the Aurora theater shootings. This during his “Th1rt3en World Tour” (yes, Dave Mustaine is worse at naming things than a Final Destination producer).

Well now, a victim of the Aurora theater shooting has responded publicly, telling Dave Mustaine not to blame Barack Obama for shooting her during The Dark Knight Rises. I swear to you the Family Guy manatees did not write that last sentence.

TMZ spoke with Carli Richards … who sustained multiple gunshot wounds when James Holmes opened fire during a screening of “Dark Knight Rises last month.
After watching the footage of Mustain blaming Obama for “staging” the Aurora shooting to push an anti-gun agenda, Richards is lashing back … telling us, “Some people think the President is a good scape goat but he didn’t shoot me.”
Richards adds, “It’s obviously kind of absurd and people who make up conspiracies just want attention.”
“Everybody is emotional at this time and needs to blame somebody I guess. I don’t think they realize the consequences of not being responsible for your own actions and James Holmes needs to be held accountable for his, to whatever way the justice system deems fit.” [TMZ]

Seems pretty logical to me. But it seems some of the TMZ commenters remain unconvinced…

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"Ask me anything, for today is the day of my daughter's wedding."

When a Gary Busey outtake reel hits the internet, I know I can pretty much give my brain the afternoon off and start transcribin’, because nothing I will ever write could hold a candle to Gary Busey’s average rambling. Today’s clip comes from the makers of Piranha 3DD, who know that Gary Busey’s psychosis is as good a promotional tool as anything. Piranha 3DD, if you’ll remember, is the film in which, as recounted by Paul Scheer, Gary Busey kicked the lead actor in the stomach and had him dragged off set. (“‘I came on set and I introduced myself to him, and he goes ‘Get outta here with that bullsh*t!’ And he kicked me in the stomach. And then he said ‘Get that guy off the set!”)

Some highlights from the clip (below). Don’t worry, there is no context. There never is.

“You throw the dynamite in the pool, it blows up, and the piranhas float to the surface, and you pick em up, and you fling ‘em like little FISH FRISBEES, and they’ll sail through the air, and the rats eat ‘em when they’re dead.”

“Rats, vermin, squirrels, mice — maybe even a badger or a wolverine, would get a piranha.”

“F.A.R.T. is, Feeling A Rectal Transmission.”

“I gotta go now, because the cows are calling me home.”

A Buseyism for “fart.” Is there anything more relevant to our interests than that?

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