"SUCK THIS CODPIECE!"

DURK KNIGHT DURK KNIGHT DURK KNIGHT! (*wheeze, inhaler*)… If you’ve suffered through badly-bootlegged prologues and photocopied script pages in order to get the faintest, frothy whiff of Dark Knight Rises musk, this is the moment you’ve been waiting for. Well, one of them, anyway. The Dark Knight Rises finally has an official trailer, with everyone you’ve been hoping to see — Bane, Gary Oldman, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Anne Hathaway as Catwoman, and of course Hines Ward. Is it just me or does Michael Caine sound more Statham henchman-y than usual? “Oy made a focken promise to your muvver an favah, an now deez conts ‘as ruined it, now ‘asn’t dey.”

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The Dark Knight Rises just released this new poster, “THE LEGEND ENDS”, featuring Bane and Batman’s mask going all Phantom of the Opera, and since I’m currently curled up in a little ball hoping whatever foul demon that has infected my stomach cavity will go away, there was really no reason for me not to post it on a Saturday. Not like I have anything better to do. Except poop water.

FYI, the six-minute prologue of DKR will play in advance of 70mm IMAX screenings of Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol (also the name of the seventh book of the Scientology bible).

Anyway, sweet poster. Though the white rain does sort of remind me of this cartoon:

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Fresh off the controversy over Anne Hathaway and her Catwoman suit, the set of The Dark Knight Rises is dealing with another CAT-astrophe. (*ducks tomatoes*) During a fight scene outside a courthouse, Hathaway’s stunt double was driving down the steps of the building and crashed into an IMAX camera. In a post titled ” ‘Dark Knight’ Stunt Fail: Catwoman CRUSHES Camera,” TMZ covered the story with the type of measured, subtle reaction they’ve become known for.

The budget for “Batman: The Dark Knight Rises” might have just jumped up another six figures — because last Friday, Catwoman’s stunt double BARRELED through a super-expensive IMAX camera … and TMZ has the crushing footage.

It’s unclear who messed up — the stunt-double or the cameraman — but either way, the camera appeared to be blown to smithereens.

Never change, TMZ. “CATWOMAN CRUSHES CAMERA AND BLASTS IT INTO KINGDOM COME. It’s not clear who was too blame. BUT ZOMGOMG WAS SHE DRUNK I DUNNO MORE FROM OUR SOURCES SOON P.S. SHE WAS PROBABLY DRUNK.” It’s even more ridiculous when you watch the video (which you can find on TMZ’s site by yourself, because I’m not tossing them any more traffic on this). This lady drove pretty much in a straight line down the stairs and bumped into the camera, knocking a small piece of it off. Doesn’t seem like a big deal, right?

Sources close to production tell us both the camera and the cameraman were not injured during the incident — but if you look closely, you can SEE camera shrapnel … and fixing those things ain’t cheap!

So, to recap: There’s this video of someone bumping into a camera, sources very close to the story indicated nothing was harmed that bad, and TMZ managed to shoehorn the words “CRUSHES,” “BARRELED,” “smithereens,” and “shrapnel” into the post. And you thought my post about Ashley Greene making a mojito was stupid.

Warner Bros just released this official image of Anne Hathaway as Selena Kyle in The Dark Knight Rises. I put the other two, possibly spoilery (but not really) set photos after the jump so no one would cry, even though this headline would’ve made way more sense with one of those in the banner. In any case, I’m interested in how this Catwoman character is going to work. For as much as Christopher Nolan gets his balls licked for these movies (rightly so), one of the biggest failings has always been the casting of the female roles. I love Anne Hathaway and all, and I think she’s a solid actress and it goes without saying that I’d totally do her, but if I have to pretend that Anne Hathaway can beat up a full grown man, it’s going to require more suspension of disbelief than pretending Katie Holmes is a hard-nosed District Attorney or that someone would refer to Maggie Gyllenhaal as “helloooo, beautiful.” (She’s attractive in a non-’beautiful’ kind of way…)

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As you might expect, they cater to some VERY kinky clientele

Ever since I saw my first anime fleshlight at Comic-Con, I’ve been fascinated by how Asian folks infuse pop culture into their sex having (“Excuse me, sir?  Just to clarify: so this is a disembodied vagina stuffed inside a flashlight that I can have sex with while pretending it’s a cartoon?”).  The latest story is about a hotel in Kaohsiung City, Taiwan that offers a batman-themed sex room where you can boink your lady.  Do girls like it when you call it “boink”?  I’ve always just assumed that they do.

Eden’s 46 rooms go for $40 to $60 for a three-hour stay, said the motel’s Ann Shu. Like many of Taiwan’s love motels, Eden offers plenty of marketing ploys. During the Christmas and New Year’s period, for example, they’re giving away lubrication, sexy lingerie and other perks. [BoiseWeekly via Jizzmodo]

Well that is a pretty big draw.  Free lube is pretty much the first thing I look for when I’m researching Batman sex beds.  FYI, my Batman sex kit also includes a mask, a fully-stocked utility belt, and numerous grappling hooks.  Also, and I know this probably doesn’t jibe perfectly with the Batman mythology, but I like to say “Ta Da!” a lot.

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