Us too, Will.

At long last, it’s the trailer for the movie you’ve all been waiting for– oops, hold on, looks like I read this wrong, it’s actually the trailer for Men in Black 3. Sorry about that, my mistake. Anyway, after a series of delays, the film once set to open Memorial Day 2011 is now set for the same date in 2012 (probably couldn’t get Will Smith’s trailer ready in time). It comes from director Barry Sonnenfeld, whose only film since Men in Black 2 was the Robin Williams classic RV, and four credited screenwriters, including two who worked on Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Yay, they get to keep working! And people complain about illegal aliens. Anyway, given its pedigree, it doesn’t look half bad!

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Late yesterday it was announced that Men in Black director Barry Sonnenfeld would team with comic book writer Grant Morrison to develop a graphic novel and movie called Dominion: Dinosaurs Versus Aliens.  From what I understand, Morrison is something of a respected comic book writer (note: I know nothing about comic books), but to me, all that proves is that not even respected writers are immune to market forces and dumb producers with checkbooks.

The graphic novel will chronicle a secret prehistoric world war battle. When an alien invasion attacks Earth in the age of the dinosaurs, the planet’s only hope is the giants that roam the planet with, it turns out, a lot more intelligence than previously realized. [Deadline]

And they’ll need that intelligence if they’re going to hack the aliens’ defensive system with a Macbook like Jeff Goldblum.  WELCOME DA (*pterodactyl shriek*).  Anyway, in honor of Dinosaurs vs. Aliens, here are some other combinations of popular things we’d be willing to take checks for.

• Cowboys and Aliens and Velociraptors and Predator (pictured)
• Zombies vs. Vampires
• Pirates vs. Vampires
• Vampires vs. Vampires
• Vampires vs. A team of underground thieves/street racers made up of mumbly white guys and former WWE superstars (Paul Walker, Channing Tatum, The Rock, John Cena, and Shawn “The Heartbreak Kid” Michaels in… Fast & Furious: High Stakes, and Too Fast: Vamped Up)

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Jemaine Clement did most of the heavy lifting on Flight of the Conchords, and after kicking off his post-Conchords film career with the barely released Gentleman Broncos (quickly pulled from theaters after drawing 9% recommended on RottenTomatoes), he’s set to get it back on track with… uh…  Men in Black 3D.  The most anticipated sequel of the week before Men in Black 2 came out.

He’s set to play a villain named “Yaz”, which is either a synth pop band from Essex or a birth-control pill that gives you fewer periods, depending on who you ask. Me, I make my girl take a pill that gives her more periods, because I think a menstruating woman is a beautiful thing, man.  Anyway, Barry Sonnenfeld is back to direct (coming off the triumph of 2006′s RV), and Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones are returning to star, as is Josh Brolin, who apparently plays a younger version of Tommy Lee Jones’s's’s character, because the plot involves time travel.  Etan Cohen (Tropic Thunder) wrote the script, which got a polish from David Koepp, whose credits include Angels & Demons (*wank*), Zathura (*shrug*), War of the Worlds (*hurl*), and Indy 4 (*quicksand*).

To be honest, given the talent involved (Clement, Jones, Brolin, Cohen), this project doesn’t sound as crotch-punchingly terrible as it once did.  But I swear to God, if there’s not at least one aliens-getting-harassed-in-Arizona joke, I will eat a steaming bowl of my own sh*t.

[via Deadline, Playlist]

With all the phallic symbols, a porn parody seems like it'd be pretty simple. 'Welcome to Errrmph.'

According to barely-literate, slug-like super douche Roger Friedman, both Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones are signed on for Men in Black 3D, which is “ready to roll” for Memorial Day 2011, though it still doesn’t have a script.

Director Barry Sonnenfeld tells me that “Men in Black 3-D” is ready to roll. Will Smith has signed on, Tommy Lee Jones is in, and a script is awaited.
Yes. I did say 3D. “Men in Black 3″ will be in 3D. Sonnenfeld says it is so. Why not? Everything else is, and this is one movie that might be cool in the process.
Sonnenfeld told me he’d get me a neuralizer–that’s the cigar holder like gizmo that erases memories–but he couldn’t promise it would work! (I love that thing.)

Haha, get it?  It’s funny because this was written by a grown man.  Sorry to digress from the pointlessness that is a third Men in Black film, folks, (and keep in mind, the last movie Barry Sonnenfeld directed was RV), I just still can’t believe this guy is a professional writer.  “A script is awaited.”  “Might be cool in the process.”  Roger Friedman’s only job is to go to fancy celebrity parties and then write a few fluffy words about it.  He can’t take another five minutes to sound like someone who graduated high school?

I ran into Sonnenfeld, by the way, at Vanity Fair’s annual outdoor cocktail soiree at the New York State Supreme Court building… Read the rest of this entry »

(MIB was a groundbreaking comedy that took the novel approach of teaming a white cop with a black cop.)

Yep, Sony’s going forward with Men in Black 3.  From Hollywood Reporter:

“Tropic Thunder” writer Etan Cohen is penning the script, and Barry Sonnenfeld, who helmed the first two films, is said to be attached to  the new  installment, though there is no formal deal or offer as yet.

I love it when journalists use a phrase like “is said”.  What, who says?  Isn’t that what you’re supposed to find out?  “Legend has it, Old McConnagle’s ghost is said to haunt the old mill to this day.”  Great work.

The X-factor remains Will Smith. The A-lister, who starred  with Tommy Lee Jones in the first two, has not committed to the pic,  though in recent days the buzz in development circles has been that he  is now interested in returning. Smith does not currently have a go  movie lined up.Tommy Lee Jones’ involvement is uncertain.

They better hope Will Smith is involved, because without him, you have a follow-up to a movie no one liked (not the first one, the first one was good) from a forgotten franchise, to possibly be directed by the guy whose last movie was RV.  But if they need to recast Edgar, the man possessed by a giant bug, I know one guy who’d be perfect:

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