Robert Rodriguez dropped out as the director of the Barbarella remake a while back, but now it’s going forward again — with the guy who did The Ugly Truth. Yay, I hope she’ll have vibrating underwear! Also, this version is going to be DEADLY SERIOUS. IRONY CANNOT SURVIVE IN THE VACUUM OF SPACE.
Joe Gazzam [if this were my name I would legally add an exclamation point. Gazzam! Gazzam! -Ed.] has been tapped to write the screenplay centering on the character that was immortalized by Jane Fonda in the 1968 original.
“Barbarella” centers on a female mercenary who roams the universe of a distant future, undertaking missions that require fearlessness, ingenuity and sensuality. The character debuted in 1962 and was known for her sexual escapades [sexy sexcapades, if you will]. There also was a musical produced in 2004.
The new take on the iconic character will not be campy, though it will keep the sexuality; there will be seductions, but the focus will be on the adventure. [THR]
No camp, you say? I hear Michelle Rodriguez is available. GRRR, HARDCORE SPACE LATINA! With soundtrack by Papa Roach.
The always often accurate Page Six is reporting today that director Robert Rodriguez and Rose McGowan have split. Presumably, this means that Rodriguez has fired his penis as casting director, or at least now his penis will be allowed to do a more thorough job.
McGowan was hoping to star in at least three planned Rodriguez films - a remake of "Barbarella," "Red Sonja" and "Woman in Chains!"
"Too bad ‘Grindhouse’ didn’t gross $100 million. Then, maybe, ‘Barbarella’ would have gotten the green light," said one source. "Instead, the moguls were saying, ‘We need a bigger star, a bigger name.’ " Jessica Alba has been touted as a possible replacement.
Well of course she was. Any time you need a hot chick to just stand there while you draw some CGI elephants around her and it doesn’t matter how dead-behind-the-eyes she is, Jessica Alba’s name will come up. Anyway, I hope these remakes still get made. I plan to show up to the premiere blasting Kansas in my Pontiac Fiero, rocking some giant overalls with graffiti on them. Haven’t you heard? Crappy stuff from other decades is so hot right now.
Robert Rodriguez is producing a film adaptation of Red Sonja (you may remember the 1985 version with Brigitte Nielsen), with his penis once again serving as casting director. His girlfriend Rose McGowan (above right), who looks like a dish soap ad from the 50s, is set to play the lead.
"I was surprised when Rose brought me a script of Red Sonja that she liked," Rodriguez says. …"I found it very entertaining. Sonja was strong, smart, cunning — just about everything she’d have to be to survive."
…Yeaaah… so apparently he also let her choose the script…
"When they first came to me with it, I thought it was funny," says the actress, 34. "I do have a body made for sitting on a veranda with mint juleps and a parasol. I don’t know why I always have to save the planet." [Because you're bad at acting –Ed.]
…McGowan and Rodriguez have not seen Nielsen in the original, and they have no plans to catch up. As the actress explains, "Why put that in my head?"
Instead, the origin story, to be directed by longtime Rodriguez associate Douglas Aarniokoski, will take its cues from the comic books as well as works by pulp novelist Robert E. Howard, father of the original Sonja (then spelled Sonya) and Conan the Barbarian. [USA Today]
You may remember that Rodriguez also tried to cast McGowan in his remake of Barbarella, only to have Universal back out of the project (though he claims the split was a result of a budget disagreement, not McGowan). Anyway, I’m sure this will be really good, and that all the bathrooms on the set will be super clean because Rose McGowan makes Robert Rodriguez pee sitting down. "I’m really starting to get used to it!" I imagine him saying.
Robert Rodriguez’ remake of Barbarella is in trouble.
Universal Studios has backed out of backing the movie, whose budget the source pegged at nearly $100 million, because Mr. Rodriguez has insisted on casting his new fiancé, Rose McGowan, in the lead role.
The movie depicts a futuristic astronaut who travels the galaxy, seductively conquering everything in her path. More famous names floated for the part included Nicole Kidman, Halle Berry and Jessica Alba. [NY Observer]
Holy horrible actresses, Batman! Who do I rip on first??
Rose McGowan: when even the movie execs know you suck, the writing’s on the wall. Jessica Alba: possibly an even worse actress than McGowan. Berry: one of the most overrated actresses in Hollywood - sure she was good in Monster’s Ball, she barely had to talk. Kidman: perhaps the only actress more overrated than Halle Berry. Plus, she has clear skin, and I don’t mean acne free.
Robert Rodriguez is an 8-year-old. A penis gun? A guitar case bomb - on wheels? Mexi-CAN? Can you not self-edit? When Planet Terror turned out actually good, I thought he’d grown up. Apparently not. Famous directors do not stir Marylin Manson’s vanilla, dude. That’s just gross, man. I heard his semen smells like Clove cigarettes.
