I turned on the White House Correspondents’ Dinner last night, and quickly shut it off after hearing the phrase “nerd prom” about seven times and getting sideline reports from at least two guys wearing “wacky” bow ties. Hey, you know what would make the Oscars red carpet even worse? Add cable news pundits and smug DC spin doctors, all filmed on the one night of the year when they’re encouraged to be armchair comedians. Ugh, the worst.

Anyway, since they’re really good at countering the right’s argument that Hollywood is just a mouthpiece for the Democrats, Steven Spielberg showed up to present a parody featurette for Obama (in the vein of Lincoln), starring Daniel Day-Lewis as Barack Obama. It was…. decently funny, actually. Turns out Obama is a better comedy actor than most comedy actors. Also, it was worthwhile solely for reminding me of Bill the Butcher.

Say what you will about Gangs of New York‘s plot, my God, I want to live in that set. If a wild-eyed scientist screeched up to the curb in a time machine and asked me where I wanted to go, I’d be screaming “TOP HAT GANG FIGHT!” before he even got the words out of his mouth.

[If you watch one psychotically-unhinged election day reaction video today, let it be the Angry Butterscotch Schnapps Lady, originally titled "Obama was Re-Elected - I'm pissed," the better parts of which I've hepfully transcribed below. Sadly, she disabled embedding on her video just as I was finishing this post, but you absolutely MUST watch the video here - NSFW for language].

At first when someone sent me this video of some angry lady in a dark room swearing at her computer about how libertarians had handed the election to Obama (“Gary Johnson-votin’ douchebags!”), I thought, “Why are you sending me this?” I don’t know who this person is, she’s yet another person way too emotional about teh POLITIX. But then I kept watching, and the more I did, the more the video – or more accurately, the audio occasionally augmented with video – became… dare I say it… magical. There’s just so much pathos in this rage, it’s intoxicating. I haven’t seen anything like it since Winnebago Man. Just to give you a taste, part of the YouTube description reads “Thanks a bunch, Paulqaeda.” I think this deserves repeating:

THANKS A BUNCH, PAULQAEDA.

I want that tattooed on a baby.

QUOTABLES:

Get the F*CK off the internet! You are of NO USE!

You wanna call me unhinged? I AM! YOU’RE RIGHT!

The people who got the free Obama phones, the people who thought he was going to pay for their gas…

I swear, and I don’t give a F*CK WHO HEARS IT!

I don’t have children. I live alone. I can spend all of my FREE time, dedicated to working ONline. And all of the hours I’ve spent online, working FOR YOU PEOPLE, and you people don’t even SHARE THE SH*T I POST!

You don’t LIKE on Youtube, or you SAY you liked it on Youtube, but you don’t, because I can SEE IT REFLECTED IN THE GODDAMN RESULTS ON MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL! “THUMBS UP,” you’ll write in the comments section! But GUESS WHAT?! That doesn’t COUNT! ON YOUTUBE!

FIGURE OUT how to use the F*CKING INTERNET, or else GET OFF OF IT!

That’s not to say I have all the answers, BECAUSE I CERTAINLY DON’T!

I’ve got CHIPS over here, because that’s what I had for SUPPER tonight! With my CHEESE dip! That was my SUPPER, thank you very much!

My BEER, and my GOD DAMN BUTTERSCOTCH SCHNAPPS. Wah wah wa, EAT ME.

Read the rest of this entry »

"And the super cool black president is played by Denzel Washington."

Iconic movie producer and poor tie-wearer Harvey Weinstein was in Paris yesterday, as French President and global poon scout Nicolas Sarkozy inducted him into the French Legion of Honor for his contributions to cinema. It probably didn’t hurt his chances that he produced The Artist, which won every single Academy Award this year, according to my attention span.

But Weinstein told a reporter from the Times of London that being around a president is no big deal for him, so long as that president isn’t pitching movie ideas at him, like a certain guy who currently occupies 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. His name rhymes with Barack Obama.

“The President sent me a book the other day and said ‘Why don’t you make this into a movie?’” Weinstein said. “I can’t tell you [what it was]. It was a spy novel.”

“I sent him an email back saying he was the most overqualified book scout I’ve ever had,” he told the Times of London. (Via The Wrap)

Obviously the story just sort of ends abruptly and Weinstein doesn’t even throw us a bone by telling us what book it is, but thankfully I have years of experience as an investigative journalist and I was able to find out which book Obama suggested to Weinstein…

Read the rest of this entry »

Sarah Palin was pissed about missing the hot dog party

Politics is little more than retarded theater these days, so when political candidates discuss their favorite movies, it’s kind of surreal, like hearing Lord of the Rings characters explain who they voted for on Dancing with the Stars. That said, this site was founded on pointless absurdity, so this is perfect.

Here are the presidential candidates (and I purposely use that term loosely, so that we could also include Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, and Newt Gingrich) and their choice of favorite movie, according to the Washington Times. If you’re keeping score at home, it’s now been at least two elections since anyone picked Birth of a Nation. Hey, ignore the politics, that was a landmark in modern cinema!

Herman Cain: The Godfather

Michele Bachmann: Braveheart, “or maybe Saving Private Ryan”

Newt Gingrich: “Probably” Casablanca

Rick Santorum: Field of Dreams

Ron Paul: “I don’t watch many movies”

Gary Johnson:  Dr. Zhivago

Mitt Romney: O Brother, Where Art Thou?

Rick Perry: Immortal Beloved

Barack Obama: Casablanca, The Godfather, Lawrence of Arabia, and One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

Read the rest of this entry »

It seems the Weiner pun headlines have finally reached the Baba Booey stage of their life cycle, where it wasn’t funny the first thousand times, but now it’s finally starting to come back around to being funny again. Yes, that’s today’s real cover. |NYPost|

MORNING LINKS

RELATED: Here’s a bunch of news anchors all saying “Weiner.” |WarmingGlow|

Meme Watch: The Best Of Hipster Edits [Uproxx]

Jack Donaghy For Mayor And The Best Of Fictional Character Political Posters [Uproxx]

On X-Men, Race Relations & The Elephant In The Room [TSS]

There’s still time to enter the giveaway for Green Lantern Collectible MIMOBOT USB Drives [GammaSquad]

The Best Of The Miss Germany Contest [WithLeather]

‘Game of Thrones’ Has Big Balls [WarmingGlow]

Check out last week’s frotcast, where we say funny things with Brandon Mendelson. This week’s episode is gonna blow your dick off. |Frotcast|

The pug centipede. |Buzzfeed|

Martial arts moves or meth freakouts?  You be the judge. |GorillaMask|

Tom Cruise is looking dapper in his straw fedora and B.U.M. sweatpants. |Videogum|

Tori Spelling crashes car while being chased by paparazzi. I hope that by “paparazzi” she means “bees.” |TheSuperficial|

Lindsay Lohan’s house arrest looks rough. Just the way she likes it. |WWTDD|

Holy Taco’s 2011 commencement speech. |HolyTaco|

Bruce Greenwood discusses his secret role in Super 8. |ScreenJunkies|

Rate this NYC subway brawl. |NYCStool|

A New Type of Illuminati [Unreality]

Bad Medicine: The Most Incompetent TV Doctors [UGO]

Who Wants to Watch Chris Bosh Cry While Heading into the Locker Room? [Brobible]

Prisoner-Themed Band Makes Prisoner-Themed Video for Prisoner-Themed Song [ToplessRobot]

NOMINATE FOR COMMENTS OF THE WEEK HERE.  FAN FILMDRUNK ON FACEBOOK AND WIN A BILLION DOLLARS.

Read the rest of this entry »