Jeremy Renner, who’s in the Phillippines shooting The Bourne Legacy, recently took a vacation to Phuket, Thailand, which sounds not particularly relaxing since it ended with his guide getting chopped in the throat with a homemade axe. According to the Phuket Gazette, Renner was in the Rachada Pub with five other people, when his guide dropped a glass on the floor and “became embroiled in an argument,” either because of the glass or independently.

Bar staffs in Thailand apparently don’t F around, because at that point, six guys who worked there pounced on the guide with fists and “a variety of clubs and cutting instruments, including a home-made axe fashioned from a motorcycle brake rotor.”

Oh, we playin’ prison rules? I guess we playin’ prison rules. Their method seems somewhat less refined than the autoerotic asphyxiation ninjas who got David Carradine, but effective nonetheless. The six men are in Thai custody, while the guide is “in hospital with serious wounds to the stomach and partially severed neck tendons.” Though hopefully he learned an important lesson about not bringing an actor to a home-made axe fight.

Renner’s publicist said:

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Poor Shia LaBeouf recently suffered the indignity of getting ground and pounded on the curb by a shirtless fat dude outside a bar called Cinema Public House in Vancouver. Worse, it appears to have been non-consensual. You can see the video below. There isn’t much back story, but according to TMZ, both Shia and the guy had been kicked out of the bar minutes early. The video picks up with Shia on his back getting flabby punches rained down on him, when some bystanders intervene. They tap the fat guy on his shoulder and he almost falls down, so I’m going to go out on a limb and say that he was completely butthoused. As Shia appears to be.

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Lord of the Rings/Game of Thrones actor Sean Bean has made a fine career out of looking like a guy who knows his way around a sword, but you know what they say, live by the sword, get stabbed in a bar fight by a drunk who insults your slutty girlfriend.  I think it was Martin Luther King who said that.

The row began when Mr Bean, 52, and April Summers – a glamour model who is 30 years his junior who had gone to the bar in North West London with him – were standing outside, having a cigarette.
Miss Summers – whose real name the Daily Mail understands is Nadia Foster – lives close to Mr Bean in the same area.
According to witnesses, a passer-by then made lewd comments about Miss Summers, a topless model who has appeared in a number of UK lads’ magazines as well as the Italian edition of Playboy.
As a result, Mr Bean followed the man down the road to challenge him.
Later in the evening, Mr Bean went out for another cigarette and was then  attacked by a man.
The star was said to have been stabbed in the arm – believed to be with a broken glass – and punched in the face, according to witnesses. Police were then called.
Mr Bean was said to have a cut arm and a bruised face, according to witnesses.
Bean declined to attend hospital. Instead, the star walked back into the bar and, after staff gave him aid from a first aid kit, ordered another drink.
‘He came in with a cut on his arm and a bruise on his eyebrow. We saw to his injuries with the first aid kit. He seemed ok and wanted to have another drink.’ [DailyMail]

A topless model, a bar fight, a guy who gets stabbed with a broken bottle and keeps drinkin’… I’ve never been, but based on this, I can’t help but conclude that London is exactly like a Jason Statham movie.  I hope Boromir kicked this guy’s ass while answering his own rhetorical sentences.  “Bloody hew, it appeahs dis cont ‘as stabbed me wiff a fractshewd grog bottew, now ‘asn’t ‘e.  Seems Oy ‘as got no choice but to smash him, do Oy, Tommy.”

…Yeah, yeah, I know you didn’t read anything after “Topless Model”. Daddy’s got you covered.

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Vinnie Jones was recently acquitted of assault charges in conjunction with this bar fight in South Dakota back in December.  In the video, we see Jones, who’d just been hit with a beer glass, throw a few punches at Juan Barrera before Barrera takes him down.  However, Jones’ and Barrera’s accounts of the incident differ, much like an 80s sitcom.  Barrera says:

Juan Barrera said they were playing pool when Jones asked to play, then got offended when one of them asked if he was “that guy from X-Men.” Barrera said he was punched by Jones and countered with one or two of his own. “He got offended by that, and he started pushing my other friends around. He said he’s been in so many other movies or whatever.”

Jones says:

Jones said he posed for photos with locals and signed autographs and eventually went over to a pool table and asked to join.  Jones said one of the two men at the table said, “You’re Juggernaut from ‘X-men.’ You’re not getting in the game.”

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This sweet little piece of fight choreography is the rehearsal for the Serenity Maidenhead Bar Fight scene.  What’s Serenity, you ask?  Well, besides something I had to look up, it’s a 2005 film that falls into the ever-expanding category “stuff Joss Whedon did that I was completely ignorant of.”  Anyway, it’s a pretty kickass little fight scene – lots of wire fighting, but they use it to make the action faster and more violent, rather than just floating around like a bunch of lazy space queers.  In related news, “Serenity Maidenhead” sounds like a vibrator attachment.  (Your mother has to shell out for the Madamehead.)