Larry Clark is best known for directing Kids and Bully.  But does that really matter?  The important thing is that he made fun of Nic Cage. Said Clark in a recent interview…

Oh, my God. Think of all the terrible remakes. A really, really good film that I liked — that had so much feeling — was the Thai film Bangkok Dangerous, which was done by these two brothers [the Pang brothers]. I digress, but since I’ve been making films, I’ve noticed that there’s so many good indie films made by first-time directors who bring this passion to their first film. Which I did when I made Kids, right? And then they sell out! And then all of a sudden you see these guys who made these genius first films, and it’s like a f-cking license to sell out and go to Hollywood, give up final cut, and make these sh*t f*cking Hollywood movies.

So recently they remade Bangkok Dangerous with Nic Cage, right? Just out of curiosity I rented it the other day, and I couldn’t even f*cking watch it. One of the best things about the [original] was that the anti-hero was deaf and dumb. And in the remake, it’s Nic Cage; he’s not deaf and dumb. They make a girl he meets deaf and dumb, which is just stupid. And it a horrible f*cking unwatchable piece of shit, and then I find out that the same guys made it! The same guys remade their own f*cking film. I just don’t get it. [Movieline]

I don’t think ‘deaf and dumb’ is the preferred nomenclature these days, dude, but otherwise, good point.  Meanwhile, Nic Cage is refuting rumors that he hired a voodoo priestess to uncurse the set of Sorcerer’s Apprentice.  It’s sad.  It just goes to show that people will make up all sorts of stuff about you when you walk around with four different colors of hair on your face.

A Thai fireman recently dressed as Spider-Man to coax an autistic child down from a ledge.  Which is really going above and beyond the call compared to our lazy American firemen who just sit around playing cards all day. Wait, what?  I meant that they’re heroes. Courageous heroes of freedom.

Teachers at a special needs school in Bangkok alerted authorities on Monday when an autistic pupil, scared of attending his first day at school, sat out on the third-floor ledge and refused to come inside.

Despite teachers’ efforts to beckon the boy inside, he refused to budge until his mother mentioned her son’s love of superheroes, prompting fireman Sonchai Yoosabai to take a novel approach to the problem.

The rescuer dashed back to his fire station and made a quick change into a Spider-Man costume before returning to the boy, he said.

“I told him Spider-Man is here to rescue you, no monsters are going to attack you and I told him to walk slowly towards me as running could be dangerous,” Somchai told local television.

The young boy immediately stood up and walked into his rescuer’s arms, police said. [AP]

Superhero costumes, eh? I may just have to trade in this candy-filled van. Plus, my dick looks really good in spandex.

what Multiplicity could have been

Opening this weekend:

Bangkok Dangerous: Oh my god.  Nic Cage oh my god.  Oh my god oh my god I’m going to go to this dressed as a bear and punch the first old lady I see.  I’m going to wear the bear suit to an arson investigation and stomp around yelling HOW DID IT GET BURNED?

Mister Foe: (link goes to trailer) It’s a movie about a peeping Tom with an Oedipal complex, but only three sentences into the film’s official synopsis it shifts from being about the movie to listing which indie cred bands are on the soundtrack.  Bad sign.

Ping Pong Playa: an asian guy acts black and plays ping pong to defend his family’s honor, like they do in the hood.

Everybody Wants to be Italian:  I liked this better when it was called Guido Beach. 

– RoboPanda

Nic Cage’s new movie, Bangkok Dangerous, won’t be screened for critics.  For those of you who aren’t familiar with how the movie business works, not screening a film for critics is the studio’s way of saying, "We did all we could, but the movie still sucks.  Since no one will like it, there’s no way word-of-mouth could possibly help our bottom line. Our best hope is to open big and split town."

I think this is a big mistake.  Just look at this clip.  Could Bangkok Dangerous be a good movie?  Doubtful.  Could Bangkok Dangerous be so spectacularly moronic that it tears a hole in the space-time continuum and emerges from the wormhole as the most awesomest movie of all time a lá Wicker Man?  There’s a distinct possibility.  

Stupid critics.  Not every movie is going to be a guy juggling chainsaws on a unicycle.  Some might be a retarded kid who fails to shoot a roman candle out of his butt and in the process craps himself.  That’s not a failure, friends, that’s a hero.