A bird for a bird. Well played ‘Birdemic’, well played.

*stands up, clears throat, wipes sweat from brow*

Hello everybody, my name is Chodin…and I….I’ve seen Birdemic: Shock and Terror.

Phew, now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, I think it should suffice to say that I’m an expert when it comes to watching movies about renegade birds that sh-t fireballs. That said, I’d like you all to know that there are really only two appropriate environments in which one can experience Birdemic. The first would be from a hospital bed, as you lay there helplessly with a brain hemorrhage, waiting for the good Lord to finish you off. The second reasonable setting would be inside a cramped theater, fifteen minutes past midnight, while chugging 12 ounces of “movie reviewing juice” from a Tecate Light can. I, my friends, have taken the latter.

I came, I saw and then I came again, during what quite possibly may have been the most absurd, yet enjoyable, screening of my having-been-to-so-few-screenings career. Like a movie night for the patients of Shutter Island, the screening for Birdemic: Shock and Terror was a god—mn madhouse. The entire night my eyes darted back and forth between the unruly audience and the theater ushers, just waiting for one of them to give me the go ahead nod to start cutting up the seats. I mean, f—k me running, I had no idea, NO IDEA, of the emotions that Birdemic could cattle prod from its audience. Werewolves we were, every last one of us.
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To the left is the new poster from Cannes for I Love You Phillip Morris [Cinematical].  The movie stars Jim Carrey’s balls and Ewan McGregor and is based on the true story of a con artist who fell in love with his cellmate then conned his way out of Texas prisons four times after his beloved cellmate was paroled.  I once had a beloved cellmate.  Once.

This movie has many of the things I love: short cons, long cons, prison rape, hottie Ewan McGregor, and gay dudes sticking it to the man . . .  And yet I just can’t muster much of an interest in this film.

I don’t really care that much about you, Phillip Morris.  Let’s just be friends.  - RoboPanda

Here’s the Yahoo News story accompanying the picture to your left.

We’ve seen Jim Carrey green. We’ve seen him edgy. We’ve seen him dumb (and dumber). But we’ve never seen him, um, packing.  We know very little about his role in the upcoming comedy I Love You Phillip Morris, except that he obviously plays a character with very large cojones. And an affinity for Italian designers.

To paraphrase: "We don’t know much about what’s going on other than Jim Carrey’s balls look really big.  You can’t see the actual balls because we cropped the picture at his chest, but trust us, they’re there."  Awesome, solid work.  They must’ve gone to the Fuck It Check Somewhere Else School of Journalism (Alumnus, class of ’04).  I’ve included the full picture below (Jim Carrey’s balls don’t actually look that big, but Yahoo is run by spider monkeys). 

Here’s the breakdown of the movie: 

Based on a book by Houston Chronicle crime reporter Steve McVicker, the fact-based film casts Carrey as Steven Russell, a married father whose exploits landed him in the Texas criminal justice system. He fell madly in love with his cellmate, who eventually was set free, which led Russell to escape from Texas prisons four times. Ewan McGregor and Leslie Mann co-star. [ComingSoon]

The movie was written and directed by Glenn Ficarra and John Requa, who previously scripted Bad Santa, a guilty pleasure of mine (probably number four behind autoerotic asphyxiation). Anyway, keep up the great work, Yahoo. 

[Picture source = TheBadandUgly, obviously]