Ever since Joe Pesci pulled the ultimate pimp move in Casino, where Sharon Stone was mid-sentence and he just pointed to his junk and guided her head there, I’ve wanted to see more of Joe Pesci being a pimp. The sight of it just warms my greasy dago heart.  It appears Pesci will doing more of just that in Love Ranch (for which you can watch the trailer below), the new movie from Ray director Taylor Hackford.

Pesci and Dame Helen Mirren (a DILF if I’ve ever seen one) play Charlie and Grace Bontempo, the husband and wife owner of the first legalized brothel in America outside Reno.  Charlie brings a heavyweight boxer in from South America (Spanish actor Sergio Peris–Mencheta) to train at the ranch, and he’s soon putting his hot Latin love inside Grace’s mature, but still- steamy empanada (oh God, remind me never to use this euphemism again).  Meanwhile, Bai Ling shows up in the role she was born to play, Mute Background Asian Whore Number 5.   Anyway, it looks pretty good. I’m so excited I can’t stop grabbing my crotch and talking too loudly.

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There’s a new red-band TV spot for Crank 2 out (apparently they have R-rated TV commercials in the U.K., I’m assuming late at night), and you can tell they’re targeting a really classy audience because the spot is literally 30 seconds of nudity and swearing edited together over WWE-entrance music.  And for some reason, it has Bai Ling in it. I didn’t even know she acted. I thought she was a human hentai cartoon.  Anyway, I plan on putting on my spats and taking the gents to see this one after brandy and cigars at the Harvard Club, I do.
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Bai Ling, whom you may remember from minor roles in The Crow, Star Wars Episode III, Southland Tales, or just that chick who shows up naked to places, was arrested for shoplifting.  But the kind of overpriced crap these big stars buy, it’s almost like the retailer is the thief and it’s nice to see someone returning the favor.

The 41-year-old Chinese actress was arrested Wednesday on suspicion of shoplifting two celebrity magazines and two packets of batteries at Los Angeles International Airport. The items had a total value of $16, said Sgt. Jim Holcomb of the airport’s police department. [AP]

Whoa, nevermind.  Magazines and batteries, eh?  I’m not going to speculate on what she was planning to do but it sounds sexy.  Sad-sexy.  A message on her blog the day of the arrest read:

"Life is a sad song sometime but still sings the beauty for their loved ones," she wrote.

Whose loved ones, life’s?  The song’s loved ones?  Look, I don’t know if she’s a drug addict or a kleptomaniac or a tranny or whatever, but I think the first thing she needs to do is tackle this antecedent problem.