Ever since Tony Jaa kneed and elbowed his way into my heart and pee hole a few years ago, I’ve posted every related story I can find, including plenty of clips from Ong Bak 3.  But up until now, we’ve had to watch the foreign versions, experiencing the action as outsiders, left to naively wonder what exactly Tony Jaa was saying just before he impaled that bad guy’s butt hole on an elephant tusk.

Well now Ong Bak 3 is back, with English subtitles, to let you know that Tony Jaa “smells the scent of vengefulness in you.”  Perhaps the scent is reminiscent of Thai food, like sex with Diablo Cody.  He also rocks some pretty freaky makeup in this one.  But I wouldn’t worry that Tony Jaa has gone Goth, he’s probably just painting his face to get pumped up for a big fight, like Lattimer from The Program.  God I’m gonna be sad when people stop getting that reference.

[via RopeofSilicon -- Still no US release date set]

A while back everyone and their mother was sending me that clip of Werner Herzog reading Curious George, but I didn’t post it.  Although I like the idea, someone imitating Werner Herzog could never be as amazing as Werner Herzog’s uncanny impression of himself.  Case in point: Plastic Bag, a 2009, 18-minute short film by Ramin Bahrani in which Werner Herzog provides the voice of a plastic bag pondering its own mortality.  It’s pretty much everything you’d expect and more.

I thought we would be together forever.  Until I met her own private monster.  Look at this beast.  How could she prefer this one to me?  What could this thing do?  Nothing but slobber all over me.

That was the bag talking about its owner’s dog, by the way.  I know, I know, it sounds like my girlfriend’s panties complaining about my wiener. ZING!  Just kidding, 12-year-olds don’t wear panties.  Not the ones I date, anyway.

[Thanks to Michelle for the tip]

As some of you may know, I’ve been running a Twitter account called Nick Nolte’s Mugshot for about year now.  It’s not really related to Nick Nolte himself, it’s more what it’d be like if his mugshot itself became a separate, sentient entity.  Who went on Twitter.  Anyway, enough about me and my gay hobbies, it seems the actual Nick Nolte was the subject of a 2008 documentary called Nick Nolte: No Exit, which has begun playing on On Demand.  Perhaps not surprisingly, the real guy is just as awesome as any fake fact I could make up about him (like how his Lifetime Russian Roulette record is 76 and 2).   This was my favorite line (and possibly my favorite line in any movie ever):

“I’d put a little cocaine on the script.  And every once in a while, lean down and ‘read a line.’ “

I just cried tears of joy.  And I finally understand why Quentin Tarantino likes to write so much.

[via ThePlaylist]

Not only does Clint Eastwood think you belong to a generation of pussies and gooks, he thinks you fairies should cut it out with the politically correct bullshit already.

He says the world would be a better place if we could still laugh at inoffensive jokes about different races. The actor and director, 78, said we live in constant fear of being labelled racist for simply laughing about national stereotypes.  ‘People have lost their sense of humour,’ he told Germany’s Der Spiegel magazine.

‘In former times we constantly made jokes about different races.  You can only tell them today with one hand over your mouth otherwise you will be insulted as a racist. I find that ridiculous. In those earlier days every friendly clique had a “Sam the Jew” or “José the Mexican” – but we didn’t think anything of it or have a racist thought.’

‘It was normal that we made jokes based on our nationality or ethnicity. That was never a problem. I don’t want to be politically correct. We’re all spending too much time and energy trying to be politically correct about everything.’ [DailyMail]

I know I’m supposed to say something cute and make fun of Clint for being old right now, but I agree with him 1000%.  These hippie fascists at some point decided that recognizing obvious differences or using non-vague words not invented in the last 15 years is the same as hate or discrimination.  Ridiculous.  And as a sidenote, my clique also included a Jake the harelip, lazy-eye Charlie, Stevie stump hands, Eskimo Ray, and Judy the cheetah.

Last we heard from Tony Jaa, easily the best movie martial artist working today, he had abandoned work on Ong-Bak 2 to go meditate in the jungle.  It now looks like he’ll be coming back to finish the movie.

Following a face-to-face meeting between Jaa and Sahamongkolfilm Int’l boss Somsak Techaratanaprasert, it looks likely that Jaa will return to the set of "Ong-bak 2."  Techaratanaprasert has agreed to finance the rest of the film under the supervision of director Prachya Pinkaew (Ong-Bak, The Protector) and and action choreographer Panna Rittkrai (Ong-Bak, The Protector).

It doesn’t really matter who finishes the movie, the important thing is that it’s not Brett Ratner.

 Last weekend, Jaa’s lawyer created a sensation when he put forward a 7-point series of demands, including a Baht 50 million ($1.5 million) flat fee for the actor and the cancellation of the 10-year contract between Jaa and Sahamongkol.
 Techaratanaprasert refused, saying only that negotiation of any kind will only resume after "Ong-bak 2" is completed.
 The location of the meeting added to the bizarre nature of the story. Jaa, who walked off the set in early June to meditating in the jungle, visited the National Police Office on Monday afternoon to seek help from a senior police officer claiming that he was being stalked by mysterious men.
 Techaratanaprasert joined him there and began to hammer out their differences, some two weeks after the dispute became public nearly two weeks ago. [Variety]

To review, Tony Jaa went into the jungle to meditate, then claimed he was being stalked by mysterious men.  Everyone said he was crazy, and he agreed to come back and pretend everything’s okay.  I think it’s pretty clear what happens now.  The mysterious men come back and start terrorizing everyone, and the only one who can stop them is Tony Jaa.  They said he was a loose cannon.  But this time around, he’s just what the doctor ordered.