Charles Durning died this week at the age of 89, and while you probably remember him as a veteran “that guy” actor from such roles as incumbent governor Pappy O’Daniel in O Brother Where Art Thou, or Waring Hudsucker in The Hudsucker Proxy (just to name a couple), it turns out he was also kind of a badass who lived a crazy life.

I’ve put some facts about him into bullet-point form, but only because I couldn’t put them into bayonet form. You’ll see.

• Durning was one of 10 siblings. His father died when he was 12, and he lost five sisters to smallpox and scarlet fever. FIVE. Yes, they were Irish.

• He got his start in show business as a teen, working as a burlesque theater usher in Buffalo, and when one of the comedians was too drunk to go on, Durning took his place.

• Durning fought in the first wave of the Normandy invasion and was the only member of his army unit to survive. He killed several Germans and was wounded in the leg by an enemy mine.

• After recuperating, Durning returned to active service in 1944, at one point getting bayoneted by a German in hand-to-hand combat, eventually overwhelming him and killing him with a rock. Yes, “once killed a Nazi with a rock” was an actual true thing you could say about Charles Durning.

• Durning was captured by the Nazis at the Battle of the Bulge, and narrowly survived a prisoner massacre. He was eventually awarded the Silver Star, three Purple Hearts, and the Légion d’honneur from the French consul in Los Angeles.

• Despite being a fat guy, he had worked as a dance instructor, and even met his first wife at a dance studio.

• His breakout role came in the Tony-winning play That Championship Season in 1972, when Durning was already 49

Although he portrayed everyone from blustery public officials to comic foils to put-upon everymen, Durning may be best remembered by movie audiences for his Oscar-nominated, over-the-top role as a comically corrupt governor in 1982′s The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas.

The year after Best Little Whorehouse, Durning received another Oscar nomination, for his portrayal of a bumbling Nazi officer in Mel Brooks’ To Be or Not to Be. He was also nominated for a Golden Globe as the harried police lieutenant in 1975′s Dog Day Afternoon.

Dozens of notable portrayals followed. He was the would-be suitor of Dustin Hoffman, posing as a female soap opera star in Tootsie; the infamous seller of frog legs in The Muppet Movie; and Chief Brandon in Warren Beatty’s Dick Tracy. He played Santa Claus in four different movies made for television and was the pope in the TV film I Would be Called John: Pope John XXIII.

In any case, rest in peace, Charles Durning, a man so badass his real epitaph sh*ts on Royal Tenebaum’s fake one.

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Gene Hackman, who’s 82 now, isn’t one those guys whose personal life is all over the news, and one of the few stories we’ve heard about him was from the set of Royal Tenenbaums, where he reportedly told Wes Anderson to “pull up your pants and act like a man.” In fact, part of Bill Murray’s job was trying to protect Anderson from the salty old bastard. Point is, he’s a salty old bastard, and one thing you don’t want to do with a salty old bastard is insult his wife, as a New Mexico homeless man recently learned the hard way. Talk about balls, I’d piss my pants if Gene Hackman even looked at me threateningly.

Put up your dukes, ya nancy!

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ … the incident went down Tuesday as Hackman and his wife were leaving a Santa Fe restaurant. We’re told a homeless guy named Bruce Becker approached them in a threatening manner.

“Bruce Becker?” Come on, that’s not a hobo name, that’s slick local news anchor name. “Welcome to Action News, with Bruce Becker!” (*craps pants*)

We’re told the incident escalated big time when Becker called Hackman’s wife a “c**t” — and then Hackman dished out some street justice … slapping Becker across the face.
Becker then called the cops to report the incident.
We’re told cops interviewed Hackman and his wife, determined the slap was in self-defense … and, for now, no charges have been filed. [TMZ]

Ooh, bad move. You do not want to talk to Gene Hackman’s wife the way Gene Hackman talks to Wes Anderson (really, the first part of Anderson’s Hackman story is “didn’t he call you a c*nt?”). “Hey, that’s my wife you’re talking to, not some stuttering fairy in a madras waistcoat!” I imagine Hackman shouting. Meanwhile, my sources tell me police decided not to press charges when Pagoda stabbed Hackman in the side and carried him off on his shoulder.

picture source: Featureflash / Shutterstock.com

Ever since Tony Jaa kneed and elbowed his way into my heart and pee hole a few years ago, I’ve posted every related story I can find, including plenty of clips from Ong Bak 3.  But up until now, we’ve had to watch the foreign versions, experiencing the action as outsiders, left to naively wonder what exactly Tony Jaa was saying just before he impaled that bad guy’s butt hole on an elephant tusk.

Well now Ong Bak 3 is back, with English subtitles, to let you know that Tony Jaa “smells the scent of vengefulness in you.”  Perhaps the scent is reminiscent of Thai food, like sex with Diablo Cody.  He also rocks some pretty freaky makeup in this one.  But I wouldn’t worry that Tony Jaa has gone Goth, he’s probably just painting his face to get pumped up for a big fight, like Lattimer from The Program.  God I’m gonna be sad when people stop getting that reference.

[via RopeofSilicon -- Still no US release date set]

A while back everyone and their mother was sending me that clip of Werner Herzog reading Curious George, but I didn’t post it.  Although I like the idea, someone imitating Werner Herzog could never be as amazing as Werner Herzog’s uncanny impression of himself.  Case in point: Plastic Bag, a 2009, 18-minute short film by Ramin Bahrani in which Werner Herzog provides the voice of a plastic bag pondering its own mortality.  It’s pretty much everything you’d expect and more.

I thought we would be together forever.  Until I met her own private monster.  Look at this beast.  How could she prefer this one to me?  What could this thing do?  Nothing but slobber all over me.

That was the bag talking about its owner’s dog, by the way.  I know, I know, it sounds like my girlfriend’s panties complaining about my wiener. ZING!  Just kidding, 12-year-olds don’t wear panties.  Not the ones I date, anyway.

[Thanks to Michelle for the tip]

As some of you may know, I’ve been running a Twitter account called Nick Nolte’s Mugshot for about year now.  It’s not really related to Nick Nolte himself, it’s more what it’d be like if his mugshot itself became a separate, sentient entity.  Who went on Twitter.  Anyway, enough about me and my gay hobbies, it seems the actual Nick Nolte was the subject of a 2008 documentary called Nick Nolte: No Exit, which has begun playing on On Demand.  Perhaps not surprisingly, the real guy is just as awesome as any fake fact I could make up about him (like how his Lifetime Russian Roulette record is 76 and 2).   This was my favorite line (and possibly my favorite line in any movie ever):

“I’d put a little cocaine on the script.  And every once in a while, lean down and ‘read a line.’ “

I just cried tears of joy.  And I finally understand why Quentin Tarantino likes to write so much.

[via ThePlaylist]