The minute I told friends I loved Werner Herzog’s Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans, they asked, “You mean because it’s good or because it’s a train wreck?”

The truth is, I don’t really know.  Imagine The Wire as written by Shane Black.  It rides the line between brilliant and brilliantly terrible so well, all I know is that I loved every minute of it and I couldn’t turn away*.  Like rock n’ roll, there’s something about a movie being almost bad that makes it infinitely better.

Now, before I get to my wholehearted recommendation, (and a wholehearted recommendation is what this is, in case you wanted to save yourself the trouble of reading the rest), I feel I should first clarify that if the crowd at the screening I attended is at all representative, a lot of people will not like this movie.  But I believe I can provide a handy guide to the type of person who will or won’t.  I illustrate by way of a story:  Last week for Halloween, I dressed in a giant penguin suit with a fake mustache, an outfit I thought was pretty self-explanatory.  And yet, a significant number of people came up to me throughout the night to ask, “What are you supposed to be?”

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Earlier this week I brought you the distressing news that Werner Herzog and Nic Cage’s Bad Lieutenant (trailer here, with naughty language) wouldn’t receive much of a theatrical release.  Luckily, like my ejaculations, those fears have proved premature.  From ThePlaylist:

We got in touch with the film’s publicists who kindly forwarded us the current rollout plan, and it looks something like this:

November 20th — NY, LA, Chicago, San Francisco, DC, Toronto, Vancouver, Montreal
November 25th — Boston, Philadelphia, Dallas, San Diego, Seattle, Phoenix
December 4th and/or 11th — New Orleans, Austin, Atlanta, Houston, Ottawa

As this is a platform release, success in those markets will help push it out to more cities and theaters across the country, possibly even surpassing (though we doubt it) the 35-city plan that has been hinted to us from our sources in the know. So, if you are in one of the aforementioned cities, do us all a favor and buy a ticket.

Phew.  After Cage fought so hard for Werner Herzog’s singing iguanas (note: I am not making any of this up), I don’t know what I’d do if i couldn’t see this on the big screen. Probably kill myself.  Upon hearing the news, Nic Cage breathed a sigh of relief and wiped the sweat from his brow.  It takes a handkerchief the size to two city blocks!

Wouldn’t you know it, Nic Cage finally does a movie that’s not about magic and treasure (Werner Herzog’s amazing-looking Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans) and what happens?  The studio basically dumps it straight to DVD.

The studio has announced that Herzog’s film, “Bad Lieutenant: Port Of Call New Orleans” will be released to home video on February 23, 2010. With a limited theatrical release already penciled in for November 20th, we can’t remember the last time a studio announced the home video release of a film almost a month before it’s due to hit cinema screens. With this news, we’re going to guess that the theatrical release will probably be strictly a NY/LA only affair. We don’t see First Look striking up too many prints to send around the country if it’s going to be on Blockbuster shelves and in Netflix queues three months later.  [ThePlaylist]

Jesus Christ what a bonehead move.  This is a film that has singing iguanas, Nic Cage demanding his lucky crack pipe, and a director who started a film school with no classes on filmmaking, only lockpicking.   If you’re in the marketing department and you can’t get people interested in that, you should just go back to being a club promoter.  And anyone who’d rather see Vince Vaughn and His Girlfriend Fight During Holiday Dinner Part 7 than this should be zipped in a burlap sack, stuffed in a cannon, and fired at the sun.  And kicked in the nuts.

ACHTUNG!  Jawohl, Werner Herzog here.

Das ist za new traila for mein new movie, Bad Lieutenant.  First, I varn you.  Zees movie I make, ees not for eweryone.  I do not make zees movie for bouncing, rosy-cheeked boy oont girl whose laughter burns mein ears like za morning sunlight burns mein skin.  Zees movie, ees not meant for cheeldwen, housevifes, zee elderly, or Juden.  Mein movie, I make for zose who haff vorked as lockpicks, bouncers een sex clubs, fluffers at rave parties, deesgruntled dildo merchant — za true poets uff za vorld!  Za hero uff mein movie ist ein policeman, who start off wholesome, like disgusting rule-folloving bubi scout.  Zen one day, za policeman meet Xzibit.  Zen he take za drugs, zen he take za whores, zen murder, zen iguanas — he begin to live like za true poet!

Oont I choose for mein lead role za horrible forehead monster, Neekolas Cage.  Because ven I look eento za eye uff za Cage monster, I see only blackness, zee cold eendifference uff true poetry.  I vould say to him, “Release za pigs!”  Oont za Cage monster vould shout, “YES, MEIN FÜHRER!”  A true soldier. Oont ven za producers come, viss their herbal teas oont yoga classes, zey tell me, “But Verner, ve are sad, for ziss movie haff too many iguana.”  Zo I tell zem, zees sniveling urine-pants, zat eef zey take mein iguana, I vould cut off mein nose oont mail it to za pope, for zat ees poetry.  Oont za Cage monster, it agrees. I train za Cage monster to luff zee iguana. Zen za producer, he decide he vill let me haff mein iguana, because he fear for za Cage monster.  Oont zees, zees ees za most important sing you vill ever learn about za movie business.

[via Yahoo]

(“I CAN HAZ WHEEZBURGER?“)

In a recent Edmonton Sun article, insane director Werner Herzog claims his Bad Lieutenant movie would’ve had FAR LESS IGUANA if not for NICOLAS CAGE.

Said reptile is a coked-up hallucination that sings “Release Me” (actually the voice of bluesman Johnny Adams), for the benefit of drug-addicted New Orleans police detective Terence McDonagh (played by Cage). Not originally in the script, it was one of those weird flourishes that makes Herzog Herzog.

“Werner was very devoted to his iguanas,” Cage said dryly at a TIFF news conference yesterday. “We had a midway wrap party and Werner was at the bar, very unsettled, because he might not get the three minutes of iguana time he needed, and he said he might never make another movie again. I thought that would really be a shame.”

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